1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Last person to come out to

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sesshomaru, May 11, 2011.

  1. Sesshomaru

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Well it's time to finally say goodbye to my "closet" but now I'm more afraid/nervous than ever. I've come out to just about everyone else in my family that matters and my grandmother is the only one left. She's a pretty religious person but she's already told me on more than one occasion that she'd put her religion second when it comes to me. Even with that being said though, I can't help but get the same sick gut feeling about finally admitting to her that I'm gay. I'm supposed to meet up with her tomorrow after school to get more lunch money to last the rest of the week which leaves only about 10 minutes of talking. Would this be a good idea to tell her now? I think she already has a pretty good idea that I'm gay since she's hinted around at it a few times and with my birthday and graduation approaching I feel I might as well get it over with. From my view the 10 minutes of talking would give her enough time to ask whatever immediate questions/responses she may have and put a little distance between us for a bit when it finally sinks in.

    Any advice/suggestions/comments would be appreciated :slight_smile:
     
  2. TyRawr

    Board Member Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2011
    Messages:
    605
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fair Oaks CA
    You have no idea how similar this is to my own life at one point.
    Up until about a year ago I was in the same boat. Let me share something with you, she knows. Telling her probably wont cause much of a surprised, but also if she is saying things like "i will put religion second after you" shes hinting for you to come out to her. My grandmother changed her religion from baptist to methodist so her views wouldn't conflict with my life. You know what she said? "Hate the sin, love the sinner" And as we start to be more and more open about she is becoming more and more comfortable with it.

    You should come out to her whenever you feel it is the right time, but personally I think she is ready now. Congratulations on your success, and I hope the best for you.
     
  3. Daryn

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2011
    Messages:
    212
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Why are there eggs scrambling in the street?
    If you feel as if she's hinted that she knows, chances are that she probably at least suspects it. Tell her when you feel ready, there's no need to rush about anything like that if you aren't prepared. I wish you good luck, but it sounds to me like your grandmother will love and support you :slight_smile:
     
  4. Sesshomaru

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Thanks for the good wishes everyone. I keep playing out in my head two scenarios of how everything might happen.

    1) She'll stand by what she's been saying (and repeated even today when we talked on the phone) on how I can approach her with anything and she'll still love me the same and this would probably bring us even closer.

    2) She'll completely flip out and break down crying with something like "How can my grandson be gay? You know based one the bible that means you're going to hell" along with a long list of stuff about it.

    I guess I'm pushing myself to do it now since I feel that if I don't, then I probably will never work up the courage too. That and I'd rather her hear it coming from me since I'm 99% sure my mom knows and with how things have been going lately between us again I wouldn't put it past her to just tell my grandma so that I feel like crap afterward.
     
  5. TyRawr

    Board Member Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2011
    Messages:
    605
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fair Oaks CA
    In regards to her second response... that isn't so true. If she does react that way here is a site where you can find resources to maybe convince her otherwise. CreatedGay.com
     
  6. Jim1454

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    7,284
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Toronto
    She's even bringing it up on the phone!?! She knows! In fact, she's almost begging you to tell her!

    Have you told your parents? Could it be that they've already told her? It could be that she's just waiting for you to finally come out. It seems like a pretty safe thing to do based on everything she's said.

    When I told my 91 year old grandmother, she hardly blinked. She said that was fine, and she was glad that I was able to live my life the way I needed to.

    Damn I have a wonderful family. *gets teary*
     
  7. Gumtree

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2008
    Messages:
    929
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney - Australia
    They say a mother always knows. But by that time, it's old news to grandparents.

    Just remember that time wont necessarily change anything. Her reaction is likely to be the same if you came out tonight, as if you waited for 10 years to tell her.

    So why not do it now?

    Live a little, take a risk! :grin:
     
  8. NordicSpirit

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2010
    Messages:
    233
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ireland
    Sound like she already knows. Good luck (I dont think you'll need it though!) :slight_smile: Let us know how you get on!
     
  9. Sesshomaru

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Thanks again for the support everyone :grin:

    Yup, she's brought it up quite a few times on the phone. She's never directly said anything but she's brought up the fact that she loves me no matter what happens and once after an argument my mom asked me was it due to "something my mom knows about me".

    I've told my mom indirectly once through writing a letter and leaving it on the seat or her car and when she picked me up from school it had been removed so I'm pretty sure she knows. There was also an incident a few years back where my mom stole my phone and long story short, told everyone I was gay based on what she found.
     
  10. Holmes

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2009
    Messages:
    611
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Ireland
    It sounds like there's no good reason to suppose that. As others have said, she knows you're gay, and has as much as told you that that's all right. You won't be telling her something new, just letting her know that you trust her.

    People make assumptions about older generations. It's true that they are on balance more conservative, but they live in the same world we do, surrounded by the same issues in political debates, and probably have at least one gay friend themselves.
     
  11. Sesshomaru

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2009
    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    WOOHOO! I told her and it went great! Her instant first response was "No you're not" but within 5 minute of talking and me telling her that I know what I am and I have known for a while, she's accepted it :slight_smile: We talked about it on the phone after she left for about an hour and she told me that she did in fact already know from a few people telling her and my mom told her about the note I left her too (which finally proves that my mom does know) but wouldn't tell her exactly what the note said. She even told me if I ever get a boyfriend she would want me to bring him around to meet him. She says love is love in her eyes and as long as I'm happy, she will be too :slight_smile:

    She did mention what the bible says about homosexuals but she brushed past it. That and admitted that she mentioned everything again yesterday about being approachable because she's been waiting for a while for me to finally come out to her. Turns out my brother's ex gf that I'm still friends with told her like right before summer ended last year. The weight this has taken off of me feels incredible, I'm smiling even while typing this xD.

    Thanks again everyone for helping me through my entire process of coming out (&&&) -sets closet door on fire- and good riddance to that!
     
  12. NordicSpirit

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2010
    Messages:
    233
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ireland
    Yay! Congrats :slight_smile:
     
  13. adam88

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2009
    Messages:
    815
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Canada
    Congratulations! :slight_smile: Feels good, doesn't it?
     
  14. xequar

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2007
    Messages:
    1,684
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Detroit area, Michigan
    Congrats!!