My best friend is straight he knows I'm gay. I came out to him only for months ago and it seems like he isn't completely comfortable around me. I did confront him about this two months ago and he told me that he wasn't uncomfortable around me. I still get this feeling from him though. Before I came out to him, promised myself that I wouldn't burden him with my problems. As a result, I tend to distance myself from him. By that I mean I don't tell him anything on the rare occasion when asks me if I'm alright or if I text him and he tells me he's talking to his girlfriend via text, I tell him "ok I'll ttyl" (he does keep talking to me though and I respond with quick short answers trying to get him to stop). I don't know what it is exactly, but I feel totally inadequate and somewhat unwanted. Sometimes he won't invite me to friend outings (we have a lot of mutual friends) etc. stuff like that. I'm not sure what to do. Again, I don't want to burden him with anything. I usually end up distracting myself with movies, reading, writing, music or videogames to get my mind off of such issues. So what are your opinions/what should I do?
Our purpose as human beings is to connect. Think about it, all we are meant to do is connect, and we strive for connection. However, you need vulnerability in order to achieve true connection. Connection leads to happiness, love, and more vulnerability. Talk with your friend again, and maybe consider talking about your problems in general. Friends should rely on one another for support, and if you cant do that, then what is the point in being friends. Here is a video I think you should watch. Its lengthy but I think what it says will help you allot. [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0[/YOUTUBE]
Did you tell your friend that you were not going to talk about certain issues with him? If you didn't, he could be picking up on the vibes that you have something on your mind but won't talk about it and are distancing yourself from him, making him think it has something to do with him.
The first thing to do is communicate and to, as hard as it might be, to not distance yourself from him. Most people can tell when something is off and when someone is distancing themselves...it's hard to tell if that person is just scared of something and/or wants the distance. It makes things very uncomfortable and awkward.
I felt this way when I came out to my cousin. She insisted that she didn't see me any differently and that she didn't feel weird, but I still had the feeling that she was uncomfortable, and I was right. So my advise to you would be to talk to your friend. Tell him what you told us: you feel as though you are being distanced and you want to find a way to work through it. He's your best friend- if he cares about the friendship, he'll listen to you.
Yup - you need to talk to him. And you need to share with him how you feel when you're not invited out with your other friends. Not in a whiney way, but in a matter of fact way. Because it's the truth.
