Well, I'm bi. I haven't told anyone yet, not even the few random dudes I've hooked up with. My mom sent me this e-mail last night. They are here visiting me because I am away at college, and she thinks I'm acting weird. I haven't spent a lot of time with them because I am spending time with this guy who is in one my classes. We are working on a group project, but I kinda have a crush on him. Anyway, here is the e-mail. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. " I have no clue what is going on with you. IT IS MORE THAN FINALS so do not try to kid me.. you have pretty mush dissed us this whole trip// we have seen you 3 of 6 nights herea for no more than a few hours at a time. we both agree that something is up// Your behavior has been more than bizarre. I am your mother for Gods sake and I am telling you that I know something wierd is going on//There is no way that I will ever believe that u do not have time enough to come over the last night we are here, especially knowing that I spent half the day yesterday cooking food for you and knowing that you would never just act like you could care less about that. YOU would never act like that with me. I have no idea what is goingn on with you but I am just about ready to make you come home and get back to reality and that is FAMILY is FAMILY and you do not TREAT them like they do not exist. I do not care how busy u r.. I would walk til I died for U and u act like all we do is bother you............I spent yesterday hoping u were coming to watch football with us like we used to and because we never get to anymore U did not care.. That hurts.. Please I beg U....... please tell me what is botheringn u so much.......... who is this kid u r working on this presentation with?? I feel like he has A HOLD ON YOU. Nothing or no one would keep me from my family when they are nearby.....family is family..... and OMG.u just do not care.. That had how u have made me feel,,,,,,,,,,, I am here for you no matter what I will understand. Please taLK TO ME.. quit trying to blow mw offf, I am not stupid........ I have emailed you and left u messages////// TELL ME WHAT is GOING on........... I LOVE U !!!!!!" She sounds like a crazy person to me. I have night classes almost every night, and I just can't drop everything and go see them 20 times a day. I feel like she is thinking more, though. I feel like she thinks that I'm gay. They are ultra-conservative, and so am I. I just don't know what to do right now. Any help?
I'm glad you said it first... She does sound like a crazy person. But I don't know your mom, and I don't know what kind of interactions you've had with her while they've been visiting you. She sounds like she may be a little 'controlling' - but again, I don't want to judge. I also don't know what kind of discussions you've had about their visit. Did you want them to come, or have then simply imposed themselves on you? I'm sure it's hard for them to have you away at school - they miss you I'm sure. You've taken this time away from home to start to experiment and find out who you are - and I think that's great! (I wish I'd done that when I was your age.) So their visit is kind of in conflict with your 'mode of operation' now... Should you come out to them? Probably not. Your profile still says "Not Sure" so I wouldn't tell anyone at this point. Especially not your conservative (and possibly controlling) parents. They'll drag you home for sure. But - I think you probably need to be doing a better job at putting them at ease. Thank them for coming to visit. Thank them for cooking some meals for you. Apologise for not spending more time with them, but explain that this is your first semester in college, and there's a lot of work, and you have commitments to other people that you're working with that you have to keep too. However, if you don't really have to be spending time with this particular guy on this presentation, then try to spend a bit more time with your parents. Just explain to him that you'd much rather hang out with him, but your 'rents' (lol - me trying to be cool - I know - give it a rest, right?!?) are in town and you need to spend a bit of time with them. He's not going to disappear if you don't spend the next day or two with him. He'll be around after your parents have gone home. Hope this helps. Sounds like you're having a bit of fun at college, which I'd say is perfectly fine! Again - I wish I'd done the same thing at your age to figure out who I was. Good luck!
Well, from a perspective of a parent, it is VERY HARD when your children go to college. We have given our lives to taken care of you, cooking for you, washing your clothes, ect (often at the expense of our own lives) and if I went to visit my kid and he didn't take hardly any time with us, I would probably be a raving lunatic mother too. lol So try to forgive your mother for this unrational e-mail and apoligize to her. If you feel you can come out to her, then do it. Yes, it sounds like she knows anyway so you might as well deal with it. Can you do that?
I've had conversations with my mother that sounded almost exactly like that, especially the line, "he has a hold on you." This is my reaction, coming from a family who was very controlling and somewhat abusive, so I'll try to be very objective here, even though that email makes me cringe. I don't know what sort of relationship you've had with your parents up till this point, so this could just be a reaction to you going away to college and not the norm. You don't say what your relationship with your family was like. Here is what I would do and have done in the past. Explain to your mother that there is a lot of work involved with college, that you have night classes and although you really appreciate their visit and wish you could spend more time with them, you still have to work on your projects and attend classes. Maybe offer to make time for a special dinner on their last night there and tell them you'll spend more time once finals are over. As far as the friend you have a crush on, I wouldn't come out at this time, especially if you aren't sure of yourself yet, and if your parents are as conservative as you say. If her knee jerk reaction is to pull you home, coming out is certain that she'll bring you home. Just say that you've made a friend and met a lot of different types of people, but you really do just want to do well on your project. Your mother may or may not understand. Mine never did. However, you are entitled to keep some things, including personal relationships, to yourself until you are ready to tell your family.
Wow...it is times like this I am very glad tht my mom doesnt know how to use a computer. Although I do get the occasional phone calls from her that are very simular to that email. Do what you feel you need to do, and act the way you feel like acting. I would imagine ((As I dont really know, this is my first semester away from home )) that it is hard for parents, going for so long with out seeing you everyday and they expect things to be the exact same when they do see you (I know mine do), as if the real world and that freedom doesnt change a person. Try to explain to her, if you feel the need to, that you are distracted and busy, likely she wont take those as very good excuses. Do apologize, and do whatever it takes to keep her happy, knowing perfectly well, she will go home and you can go back to doing whatever it takes to find yourself. Do not come out to her if you are only doing it because you feel backed into a corner, do it when you are ready and on your own terms. My boyfriend gets like that sometimes, crazy jealous because my girlfriend has me "wrapped around her finger". But at the same time if you have been thinking about coming out to them, then take the oppertunity, they are giving you an open door, you may as well take it, thats how i came out to my mom. she got suspicious and then i took the prompt. it worked out for me, hopefully it will for you too. I am sorry that she is being so harsh. Good luck, keep your head up and do what YOU want to do. not what the FAMILY expects of you
Jim's advice is good. I would say from a mum point of view she is having trouble seeing her son as a man and not her little boy. As a little boy I'm sure you rushed into her arms when she came home from work, now she comes to visit you and she has to fit in to your busy life. She is no longer the focal point of your life, this can be hard for a mum. Wether you mum is right or not an apology for you lack of presence might go a long way. I wouldn't tell her unles you want to. In her state of mind at the moment she will blame your project partner and not see you homosexuality for what it is. Wether you meant to or not you have hurt your mum's feelings. If your mum didn't tell you she was cooking for you, you might point this out to her and if she did then you should either have been present or told her earlier that you wouldn't be able to make it. Communication is a wonderful thing :icon_bigg Give your mum a big hug, eat a bit of humble pie and wait for her to go back home. When things have calmed down you can think about coming out... if you want to.
I'm surprised no one's mentioned this but... if you're 20, then I'm assuming your mother's at least 38, and... did you translate her email into teenspeak or something? Because NO ONE I know who's 38+ would EVER use "u" or "u r" or "OMG" or word their email even REMOTELY like that. Now I know not everyone is a stickler for grammar and spelling like I am, especially in email, but that email sounds like it was written by someone your age. Or younger. So I have to say, like, WTF?
