Hey guys, I just need someone to run this by really quick, so I'd appreciate any input whatsoever before I have to face the music. So...there's this girl. Long story short, we've been getting really close lately and she's bi, so no problem there. She and I hold hands and she makes me laugh and I want to tell her how beautiful she is every time I see her. If someone were to make her look sad, I'd probably punch them in the face and I can tell it would be really hard for me to say no to her if she asked me for anything. That's not the problem. The problem is, while there have been some very obvious signs that she's into me too, she has a boyfriend. It's a long distance thing, so he's not around, but STILL. I don't want anything to do with that. It'd be okay for us to be friends if she said that's what she wanted, I'm not head over heels yet and I think I can put the kabash on it if I do it NOW. So, here's what I'm thinking: I go to her, tell her that I'm crushing a bit on her and that I need her to tell me no. If she tells me no, then I don't get my hopes up, we both know where we stand and I can distance myself a little bit emotionally until we're just plain friends. The only problem is, what if she doesn't tell me no? What if I tell her I need her to shut me down and she doesn't do it? I feel like if that happened I'd have to walk away. I'm no homewrecker and I don't aspire to become one. If I walk away from her friendship I set the whole group of friends off kilter. I feel like I can't just toil away in unrequited crushing either, though. So what should I do? Go forward with my plan? Is there a better/different way? ANY advice is greatly appreciated! :help:
As a guy who has never dated a girl for longer than three days, I'm not exactly the best to answer this, so discount my response in comparison to more veteran EC members. However, I do have a couple of responses: Unrequited crushing is not a fun thing to deal with, especially if the person you're crushing on is a close friend. Disregarding the boyfriend issue, I'd advise explaining your feelings to a slight extent. With her having a long distance boyfriend, though, you have options. Option 1 - Be patient. Long distance relationships are extremely difficult to pull off, and so a breakup is very likely to occur sometime soon. If that happens, it could be because of any number of reasons, but one of those is that your friend has feelings for you. Taking this option means you'll have to have these untold feelings for a while longer, but it is the easiest option from my point of view. Option 2 - Tell her your feelings, and she tells you she just wants to be friends. Since this is the ideal scenario, according to you, I'll just say I hope this happens. Option 3 - Tell her your feelings, and she reciprocates. In this case, you'll just need to tell her that you will not be able to be with her until she and her boyfriend have broken up. If this happens, I'd advise you to stress that you do not want her to break off the long distance relationship because of you, but also stress that you cannot cause her to cheat on her boyfriend. I don't really see any other options. I hope my advice is somewhat useful, and that you'll figure out what works best for this situation. Good luck!
Thanks, Raeil, you're right. I've definitely been tossing all of that around and haven't decided what to do yet. I know I've gotta talk to her and I guess figure out what I do from what she says...ugh. But anyway, thanks again for organizing all that for me.
