Since I became a member of EC (Nearly three years ago. I can't believe it) I have made sooo much progress. I have gone from a scared little kid who was afraid to voice his opinion, to a proud guy who stands up for what he believes in. There is however, one area that I havent made progress in: coming out to any family. I feel like it is time to change that. I want to come out to my sister, who besides being religious is very open minded. I realized I wanted to come out to her on my birthday nearly 4 months ago when she came in talking about this speaker she watched for class that was about the LGBT community and acceptance. She started talking about how amazing it was and at one point mentioned how she had talked to the speaker about how her family felt about it. After the speaker said that her family didnt want to hear about it she said "Don't you think your family could accept it and continue loving you without necessarily agreeing with it? I mean that's what I would do". The moment she said this and continued to elaborate I knew that I wanted to tell her first. Now here I am four months later and I just cant figure out how to do it. I know it needs to be through text (I cant do it in person, I am much braver in words), but other than that I just dont know what to do. Basically what I am asking is this: How do I come out to my sister. How do I get the courage?
Ask yourself: will I feel better once I tell my sister? Will it be better than this? If the answer is yes, that's all you need for motivation.
First of all, congratulations on reaching the point where you want to tell your family. Its a big step to take, I definitely think you should tell your sister as she seems like she would accept it. Having a supportive family member really helps when it comes to telling others in your family. I told my sister first too. I spent a while working up the courage to tell people too, it seemed impossible that I could do it. I'd set dates to do it by, then miss the deadline. But in the end, I managed to do it, almost through forcing myself as it was playing on my mind something awful. You seem to reach a point where you feel you need to do it for your own peace of mind. In the end I had nothing to worry about and I'm sure you won't either. Text is a great way to come out, mainly because you can clearly put down into words what it is you want to say, it saves you from any initial reactions and gives them a little time to process the information before replying to you. I used it a lot when I came out. Again, it takes courage. But I found it easier to do than face to face. I'd write out a message, save it in drafts, re-write it, save it, delete it, re-write it etc etc. I did all this without feeling like I was actually going through with it, I could always back out of sending the message I'd created. But finally I'd attach a sender to the text I'd settled on and then I'd be faced with a choice. Send or not send? It seems silly but I almost "dared" myself to send it. I'd quickly press the send button and that was it, gone, out of my hands, I'd done it. Once I had, the relief was tremendous. Yes, its scary because we create a situation we no longer feel in control of, but it ends all that worry and tension and there's such a huge sense of relief. I'm pretty sure your sister will accept it and be supportive. I'm sure you'll reach a point soon where you feel you can do it. I hope it goes well, be sure to let us know how you get on. All the best
I hope reading my story might give you some insight to when you might want to come out, why I decided to come out, and how a sister might react. My sister is older than me and is a very extreme Christian (she condemned my dying comatose grandfather for not accepting Jesus before Alzheimers took him), conservative, republican, Texan (anything else I can add that makes it worse?)... I spent 5 years wasting my energy on how/when I will tell her and her possible reactions. For most of that time I don't think I was ready to do it. Now I'm in college, I've grown up, I'm more secure in who I am and I have 100% accepted my sexuality and have a great support system with friends. I came out to her over the phone because she lives in another city. The only reasons I can come up with why I wanted to do it was because I felt that it would be better to tell her while we are both still relatively young, before I meet someone I want to marry, while I still have supportive friends, because I was tired of wasting energy on it and suddenly feeling courageous, and now that I am finally comfortable and strong enough to do so. I was preparing for the worst response and while hers was a little sour and definitely disapproving, I knew I could turn to many friends and that she would just need some time. After two months of no communication with her, she started talking to me again and even asked about my relationship. Anyway, I hope that helped at least a bit.
in my Opinion texting is really he worst way to come out to someone but thats for me to say. if you want to come out to someone you can do it through and email of text first type what you want to say something like this "Hey sis! Hows it going? Look there is something i got to tell you so i am going to come right out and say it, I'm Gay" Then you just sit there and breath for a little bit then hit send when ready. you half to be ready to do this. It is going to be scary but you will feel better after it, trust me.
