Does coming out to same sex friends restrict the way you relate to them?

I understand this, and it's something that crossed my mind a bit when I first came out.

In my case, I have several different groups of friends that are largely independent of each other. In the case of one group, I hadn't seen any of them in a couple of years, from about six months to a year before I came out to about six months to a year after I came out. It was a long enough period of time that I just decided that I was going to hug them and make it a normal thing. Interestingly enough, the whole group has become a huggy group of friends now.

With some of my friends from my hometown and from my undergrad days, I don't see them that often, so I hug them now, too. Again, there was enough of a break in time between in-person meetings that I was able to do it and have it be a natural thing. It's kinda funny, because a few of them in that group were totally cool with it, and a couple of them still get a bit confused because I'm probably the only one that hugs them. Every one of them have remarked on how much I've mellowed out over the 10-20 years we've known each other, though, so they take it in stride.

Then there's one group I hang out with pretty regularly, and I hung out with them pretty regularly as I was coming out (and they were some of the first ones I came out to). In that particular group, the dynamic is quite a bit different, and quite a bit... odd... in some ways. We're good friends, and we hang out pretty often, we talk about deep topics, yet in some ways we're all still a bit guarded. I'm not really sure why (ok, I am pretty sure as to why-there are a lot of insecurities amongst some of them because of the paths their lives have taken that I think keeps them all on edge), but that's just how it goes I guess.


I suppose the trick is to observe the dynamics of the group and go from there. If you're already known as a hugger, then there you go. If not, if hugging someone when you're on your way in or out seems like the thing to do, then it might be worth a try.

 

I feel the same way sometimes. But I think it's just all in my head. I don't think the people I came out to would think anything of it if I told them "I love you," or hugged them (I do hug them a fair amount). But I am always afraid that they will think something of it. But that's just me and my insecurities. I'm pretty sure it's just all in my head. Anyway they hug me and tell me they love me like there's no tomorrow. (maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration).
But yeah, I think it's just all in your head. They probably KNOW it's just a friend sort of love.
I remember reading about this one language that had four different words for love. One was passionate love, one was friend love, one was brotherly love and one was motherly love. If only we had four different words for love.

 

I felt that way when I first told my best friend. But after a while, you realize that most of the time, the awkwardness is all in your head. You're friends are your friends for a reason, right? Be yourself around them- you is the person they became friends with in the first place, now they just know a little more about you.

 

Honstsly, I feel like if it DOES, then they're not great friends to begin with.

 

I felt exactly the same way, only the problem started when I began thinking I might like girls. I stopped hugging etc. friends when before we had all been really close in that sort of way, I guess maybe so I didn't think myself it was something else and a little paranoia they might think I was gay - also a friend, who was quite overly 'touchy feely' with everyone said that if she wasn't comfortable with her sexulality and sure she's straight she wouldn't be like that. (which made me think crap I shouldn't do that then)

As we've become older and more distant from each other generally as a group we don't hug but I feel awkward even being too close to them or looking them in the eyes because I'm so paranoid and I just don't feel like I can anymore. It's not good

Now it's been so long since I've hugged them and been a 'hugger' it would be weird if I suddenly started doing so. I'd say you should keep being yourself and hugging them as much as normal. If you act like everything is still the same it will be (I made quite a bad mistake).

I'm hoping I'll get over it when I go to uni and get new friends where I can be myself again

 

I'd base it off of your friends individual characteristics. Regardless of your sexuality, some people are more or less comfortable with hugging. i completely understand though because after i came out to one of my good friends, I stopped hugging him because I didn't want him to misinterperate it. but, because he is a hugging guy as well, he hugged me and so now I know its all ok.
My advise is to read your friends; know which ones would be comfortable and which ones wouldnt with hugging.

 

No it shouldn't effect the way your friends look at you. When I first came out I was afraid one of my close friends would act weird around me and wouldn't hug me or would look at me funny or be distant because she was kinda homophobic but she got over that when I came out to her and nothing changed between us so don't worry and your real friends won't treat you or look at you any differently.

 

Honestly, I agree with Flying Squirrel on the hugging thing. A friend of mine who I had feelings for, which I told him about when I came out to him, still hugged me before heading home for the summer. He doesn't return the feelings, but he still felt he could hug me and not have it be misinterpreted.

As far as general restrictions, I don't think should be any major difference. So far, I've only come out to a few males, but they've all been supportive and have not changed the way they act around me. I think some of my friends will change how they act, but they are more of acquaintances.

Simple version: True friends don't think it makes a huge difference. If they do, it's because they're seeing the person who came out as only gay, rather than remembering all the awesome times they've already had together.

 

It shouldn't affect the way you interact with them at all. You are a hugger, so go ahead and hug whenever you want. If people are uncomfortable with it then they can speak up if they want.

In all honesty, if any of your friends think that you are hitting on them by giving them a hug then they just need to get over themselves. Straight guys hug their female friends all the time. Why wouldn't you be allowed to?