Someone Help Me Feel Better About Myself

I bet you're plenty good enough!
I am assuming this person is a guy?
If you don't mind me asking, is this other person interested in a guy or girl instead of you?
If it's a guy he's interested in, you at least have a chance sometime in the future if the relationship he is pursuing doesn't work out.
Have hope! Maybe one day his feelings will change.

 

oh my goodness im in a very simular situation except she used to like me and i drove her away before i knew it, yet shes all i ever think about. falling for close friends is never easy especially when they dont reciprocate (sp?) but it does not mean theres anything wrong with you. hang in there(*hug*)

 

i know the feeling. i was in sooo much love with this guy, and all he did was use me for sex when i told him my feelings for him. but i was dumb enough to keep falling for the same, hoping things would change. then i met my wife. i told him about her, cuz i didn't think that anything would ever come of him and i...and when i did that, he asked me to stop speakin to him. come to find out, he was tryin to start a relationship with me, after 5 years of booty calls, but he never told me. he never mentioned it or anything. now we don't speak, and he finally has a girlfriend. it hurts to this day, but my relationship with my wife overcomes the pain. i love her more then anything now, more then i have ever loved him.

 

that happened to me just exactly.

And in fact. i used to like that person a lil bit "the other way" (she is a girl btw). We are so compatible and all. And she has feelings for another person.

Yesterday she cut the friendship with me because of ..well, something that happened (lone-story), and now i'm terribly sad.

She was my best-friend..i don't know if she will be back to be how she was with me before yesterday.

 

This happened between my best friend and I. Are you very sure that you were falling in love with your friend or were you confusing very close friendship for being in love? (Also note the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone). For me, it's hard to tell the difference. >_<

If your friend said they don't have the same feelings then I hate to say it, but you have to accept that and get over them. If you want to keep them as a friend you have to know that you can't change them or make someone love you. (This is especially true if your friend is the same sex but straight - just like you want others to accept your sexuality without trying to change you, you should accept theirs). It hurts but I'm sure your friend doesn't mean it in a personal way against you. Everyone has their "type" of person they want to date, just like you have a type, so just accept that you may not be what kind of person they're romantically/sexually attracted to. You guys may be compatible friends, though, which is great! If you feel like you can put your feelings aside to remain their friend, then I think you should do just that. But if you can't... maybe you need to spend some time away from them as if you had broken up with them, so you can have time to get over your feelings. You can tell them you're having a hard time dealing with your feelings for them and ask for their understanding.

 

You may want to try and hang out with him or talk to him as a friend not as boyfriends. It may help you ease the pain and help you move on with your life. But do remember that MAybe it wasn't ment to be sure he may of been an amazing guy but maybe there is someone out there who is even better and ment for you. Hope this helps

 

Yep, that happens, and it really sucks when it does. A few years ago, I was on vacation with some friends, and I met someone there that I really fell for. We hung out a lot, fooled around some... Mmm, good times. Sadly, though, that was as far as it went because he had feelings for someone else, someone else from Europe, no less, so it's not like that relationship was happening any time soon.

Oddly enough, we still keep in touch a bit, and we still get along when we see each other. And, he's still pining for a guy in the Netherlands.

 

Amateur detective/psychiatrist moment. In your post, you take great pains to deliberately NOT mention the gender of your friend. You go so far as to say "this person" and even "they" rather than "he" or "she".

It might be that this person is female, and you're deliberately avoiding saying so in an effort to avoid confusing us (since you say you're gay and "out to everyone" under your name). But recalling how difficult it's been for you to take many of the steps forward, I'd find it surprising that you'd be able to take the sudden interest in a woman in stride. (And if you did, I'm guessing you'd change your orientation under your name.)

Which leads me to believe this is a guy you're crushing on. And you're reluctant to reveal the gender because...well, more guesswork here. But because you're still not comfortable with it. It's another step you need to take, and I'm guessing it's scaring you.

I bring this all up not to indulfe my inner detective/analyst (although they appreciate the face time), but because I think it suggests at what's going on.

You refer to this person (and I'll use the masculine from here on out - correct me if I'm wrong) as a "very close friend". And already, I see this as a good sign. Because, if memory serves, you weren't exactly swimming in friends to begin with. The fact that you've bonded with someone and started hanging out a lot with them is great. Sadly, the fact that you've developed feelings for him is also unsurprising. It's a phenomenon I call "convenience crushing". When someone with a limited social circle starts getting feeling for someone in that circle. It's as if to say "He, we're good friends - why not lovers? It would save the hassle of having to come out/go out and find a boyfriend.". It's not as simlpe as that, or that deliberate, but it often is what's going on.

Thing is - it often doesn't work like that. Most of our friends are just that - friends - and we're not interested in them otherwise. It has nothing to do with jow attractive you are, or how good a friend you are. Sexual chemistry is similar but not the same as friendship chemistry.

What to do? Accept it. Not as a failing on your part but an inevitable part of getting out there and meeting people. Not everyone is going to want to be your boyfriend, and (hopefully) you won't to be everyone's boyfriend, either. Keep working on expanding your social circle. I think you'll find domeone.

Lex