So basically I thought I was going well getting over this guy I've had the biggest crush on for about a year! He is pretty much flawless and perfect- attractive, funny, smart, caring, everything. I see this guy nearly everyday, and he has a girlfriend and presumably straight so I haven't told him anything- he doesn't know I'm gay or that I like him. Anyway, so I had basically accepted that we would never be together but lately he had been talking to me a little bit more and that. I know its stupid but on the odd occasion that I don't see him on a day I feel empty and I was fine with all of this until today. I've just found out I'm probably never going to see this guy again as he is moving away. I'm feeling really upset now- I still wanted to be at least friends and now even that isn't possible. How can I get over this guy? I don't want to be hurting anymore, I just want to move on. Any advice would be appreciated.
Well, that is not going to be pleasant, but I think the first thing to do is to give up on the idea to be friends with this guy. Because I think that behind the fact you want to be "at least" friends, what you truly want to is get closer from this guy. He is straight. He has shown no interest on getting closer to you. Forget about him. I know that is easier said than done, but the first thing to do is to drop on your attempt to get closer. The more space you'll put between you and him, the easier it will be for you to move on and to meet people with whom you can really get close to. Except from this, give yourself some time. You're not going to get over your crush in a night. That is the kind of things that takes time, but you'll get there. Take care, Cécile
I am going to disagree with Eleanor. I think if you want to be friends thats cool as long as you metenal know somehere in the back of your mind that you can never get close as you want to him. But if you start developing strnger feelings for him give yourself some space and do hang out with him for a while.
Bromance is another option. Be confident of yourself and think that one day you will find a great guy, and still put all you got into this friendship.
Thanks for the advice so far! I'm still a bit upset that he is leaving. We didn't really talk much anyway so I won't probably see him again anyway. Hopefully there is nice gay guy out there somewhere!
I feel inclined to agree with parts of what everyone has said so far. A sethered contact with the guy would seem the best thing for the time-being; being around my straight crush after I found out he had a gf was agony (if you'll pardon the shocking product placement, you may read the whole story over on my EC blog! :icon_bigg). Now that I'm not working under the same roof as him anymore I don't have the problem of the mere sight of him being salt rubbed into the wound. Yet, on the other hand, I wouldn't want to never see him again just because of that incident - now that the grieving is over and has given way to acceptance, I feel I could go back to him and cultivate a close friendship. As the others have said, giving the whole situation time and space is what is essential and I'm sure you'll get over it if you haven't completely already; at least you are being rational and acknowledging that there is no scope for a real romantic relationship with him. Then again, as zeratul said, a bromance may very well be a possibility - though it's best not to hold your breath! BTW, as a simple, quick exercise, have you tried simply writing it down as an unsent letter to your crush? It's worth a go - simply write exactly how you feel, seal it in an unmarked envelope and then leave it. Years later you will probably find it having forgotten about the whole drama and have a gentle laugh about it, while in the meantime feeling good about releasing your emotions privately.
I think I'm just upset because any chance I may have had (pretty much non-existent) is now most certainly gone and that I won't get to him at all. He was like no one I've ever seen before- the sort of guy is who is really energetic, loud, but very kindhearted and sweet at the same time. I could still talk to him online but I haven't really ever talked to him online, only in person. It's probably stupid but I was always scared he'd find out I was gay or something. Anyway, I'm sure I'll get over him after a while of not seeing him at all. I think just writing down all this here is helping!
So I ended up talking to him today. I said basically, without revealing anything that I'd miss him being around and he explained why he was going etc. However, the good news is that he will still be around, I just won't be seeing him everyday or anything anymore. I think I'm feeling better about it all now, I think I'm pretty lucky to have a good friend and I'm happy with that. Now if only I knew some nice gay guys! haha
My my my, so many mixed opinions. I happen to agree with Eleanor first of all, and second of all I dont know how well you are doing at working towards getting over him. As this was once stated before, you.need.space. It is not healthy for you to start a relationship with this guy in any way at this point in your life, and it is not healthy for you to still persut it. You were talking about missing out on having a "chance" with him. You have no chance regardless if he stays, you cant make someone gay. He is straight, just as you are gay. He is not attracted to you, regardless if you are attracted to him. By saying you want to be "just friends" you are simply implying, "Im going to get as close as I can, but Im still going to lust over him." You are not going to feel happiness like this my friend. Put space between the two of you. Honestly you seem to need to work on yourself before you enter a serious relationship. Can you ask yourself, "am I really ready for this?" and in all honesty say yes? My answer would be no, you need to work on coming out more, accepting who you are, and loving yourself. You can not experience whole hearted love, without first loving yourself. Im sorry that much of this you probably did not want to hear, but I hope it helps.
Yeah, you are probably right. I can say pretty much for certain I won't be seeing him anymore- whether I like it or not, because we don't see each other anymore as of this week. I know that maybe it was a stupid thing to do, but just saying I'd miss him being around as a friend sort of helped I think. I mean, I do know that nothing is going to happen and that there is no chance, I suppose I just stupidly kept thinking maybe there was. I don't understand why I keep crushing on straight guys. Thanks for all the advice guys, I appreciate it a lot.
