OK I find it helps me to write things down and talk stuff over so if any of you could reply with advice it would be appreciated. Basically I started a new job in November last year at a meat factory. My manager is a young lady who I like and get in with. The problem is with the other two men in the department they didnt really talk to me at all for the frist few weeks. They thought i could probably be gay and i knew this but they never asked. Basically the factory environment is quite macho with lots of messing around and constant swearing. The words "cocksucker", "fag" and "shirtlifter" I have heard used quite regulrly in the environment. There is a gay Polish guy who works for the company and he is out but he rarely goes into the factory so probably doesnt have the same exposure that I have to it. I have to go into the factory everyday. Anyways basically these two guys in my department continued being funny with me until i stupidly made comment about a girls hot body and then suddenly after this they were all pally with me, as i guess they assumed i was now straight. Naturally they talk about sex and ask about my love life i felt it necessary to make up an ex girlfreind as i do not feel comfortable with being gay in this company. I know i have made a rod for my own back now but it is really hard for me to let them know i am gay when i see so much homophobia in the company. The HR department has a diversity policy and says it supports equal opportunities and will not put uo with harassment, but i still feel really uncomfortable with the thought of being out at work. Its a sad situation when i feel i cannot be myself and i know my confidence and productitivity are suffering as a result. I have become very low to the point of just wanting to find another job and give in. What would your advice be to me? thanks
I understand where you are coming from, not being able to be yourself is very how should I put this difficult. The one thing you need to do is not care what other people think of you be yourself. I held back myself at my job and then one day I Removed the mask I always put on and become myself sure I lost the ability to be the guy in charge from time to time but it made me feel better because eI was being who I am. The first thing you need to do is not give in if you really like your job. If they start bulling you ignore them and if it gets bad you can report them to your supervisor. If it continuos after that try to move to another department. If all hope fails and you want to leave then I would say go ahead but make sure you do the right thing. If you love your job and you are happy try some other methods. Hope everything works out.
During the summer months after the semester has ended I am basically blackmailed into working at this truly awful paper factory in town and I know what you mean all too well. I'm mostly closeted at work, to nearly everyone, except a few other college students that work there and a woman whose daughter I went to high school with. I'm out everywhere else though and it's so depressing to 'act straight' again. One time I was in the break room trying to eat when this really zealous "Christian" ex-convict got in my face and tried to convert me after he heard some rumors about me. I've denied everything since then. Factories really are awful places and I'm not just talking about the rampant homophobia. It isn't all bad though. I had been working there for two weeks in December over my winter break before I found out that an elderly man that was hired in October had a lesbian daughter that also worked there--with her girlfriend. If you open up a little bit maybe you'll find allies? Do these guys seem like...hostile? Or are they just aggressively ignorant? If I were you though I would definitely be seeking employment elsewhere in the meantime unless they're paying you serious bank. I'm definitely not cut out for the factory life and if they didn't pay so well I would never step foot in this one ever again. I have to start working there again next Monday and I'm praying for an earthquake, a flood, lightning strikes...anything at this point.
That's a really difficult situation. You've got two things going on that are now compounding each other. Homophobia AND the fact that you've lied about an ex girlfriend. In the short term, I'd simply avoide all conversations that center around sex and ex girl friends and such. You don't want to perpetuate a lie. That's probably what makes you feel worse than anything. Have you thought about coming out to your boss? You like her, and she might be understanding. You can ask her to keep it to herself, but at least you'll have someone there who is supportive. Perhaps the Polish guy you talk about too - if you know him well enough. That doesn't mean you have to come out to your co-workers - at least not right away. By not feeling quite so alone you might start to feel better.
