I know everyone says it's going to get better and all that stuff, but I want it to be better now. Every day I get teased at school and pushed around and I'm not even out yet. I've come out to my three closest friends and my parents, and I desperately want to come out publicly but I'm terrified of the fact that if they tease me and harass me so much already and I'm not out, what will people do if I actually do come out? I'm terrified and sad all the time about it and I don't know what to do to make it better. I just need some advice on how to deal with this and how to be more brave in facing the issue, please.
In truth, being out often causes teasing to lessen. It just isnt as much fun to call someone gay when they actually are. That's what my experience has been anyway.
I might think other wise. I dont know your situation of course, and in mine I was out from the beginning, but I was tease particularly because of the fact I was gay. Does your school have a GSA? If they do then you should go in there. If your reasoning for wanting to make it public is to be more involved, then I think that is going to be the safest way at this point. As for the other incidents, you NEED to talk to someone. Pushing, calling names, or whatever is unacceptable, and is illegal for your school to ignore. If you bring it up, they will be required to do something to end it. You are also in-titled to some protection by the state, if the harassment continues even outside of school then you should tell the authorities, and they will enforce diplomatic repercussions. If not, keep us posted, and some of the brainy people on EC can help otherwise.
Unfortunately my school doesn't have a GSA. The closest thing is a chapter of PFLAG that has a teen night, but it's in Fort Collins, Colorado which is something like fifty miles away, and I can't afford to be driving that much. I'm on really good terms with my principal, and I've talked to him about the teasing, and they've tried to discipline the students, but it really didn't accomplish much.
I was pretty much forced out of the closet not that long ago, and I learned that having a few (or a lot) of friends with you helps lessen the harassment. It doesn't completely stop it, but it does certainly help with keeping your spirits up.
Sorry you have to deal with this. The fact that you are out to some close friends and your parents is great, as they can be your best support group. Don't be afraid to tell them how you're feeling, to be a little vulnerable and allow them to hold you up! As far as the actual offenses go, report anything and everything. While it may not be permanent, continual disciplinary action can go a long way, especially if the discipline gets worse with each offense. (*hug*) We're with you on this!
You should also give yourself credit. You're out to your parents and some of your friends, you've talked to your principal, and you're looking for resources, so you're already plenty brave. Feeling frustrated/angry/scared/etc when you're going through what you've described doesn't mean you're not brave, it just means you're human. To clarify though, when you say you're pushed around do you mean you're actually being physically assaulted? My experience has been that schools will pay attention to that (sometimes), but when it comes to verbal abuse you're pretty much on your own. It sounds like you've done most of the things you can do to address things. The only things I'd suggest are to remember to let your friends and family support you (you're not going through this alone, after all), and don't let the people that are picking on you make you feel bad (and yes, I know that's easier said than done). It also doesn't hurt to find a healthy outlet for what you're feeling. Is there anything you could focus on? Art? Music? Sports? Writing? Since you can't fast forward through the sucky parts having something else to focus on can help ease things a little.
Coming out publicly can go either way. That's something you have to feel sure of. Being out means you can own the insults if they are gay related with a cocky smile on your face (because it is something to be proud of). On the other hand, you can smile, anyways or laugh at their petulance to their face or look at them like they are bat shit insane. There's a lot of ways to deal with it in a way that will make them feel uncomfortable if you give them reactions (or no reaction) they aren't looking for. They want you to feel bad about who you are so the key is to make yourself the best you can be and be proud of who you are even in the face of opposition. It's not easy. If there's no GSA at your school, maybe you and some friends could get one going if you have the time and willingness to put that together. It'll look good on your resume, too. How you deal with this now can potentially be a good thing to refer back to when asked to describe your abilities and character.
