[Walrus] Vs [Mombot]

So there I was on the phone with my mom. As a "committed" son, I find myself obligated to report in on my weekly activities to my mother. Now, as a person facing particular financial despair due to my recent loss of a job, most of these conversations are about my own econimcal stresses and desperation to search for a job.

Now, my mom, not being that serious of a parent usally begins to sense the dread in my voice everytime I initate the "[CMD:// Open Nag File://<Find-A-Job>]" function within her Mombot 4000 processors. Both my Mom and myself are well aware that it is terrible to be nagged towards finding a job, getting money for school, and keeping conversations particularily only buisness. However, when my Mom initaites the subroutine of the "[CMD:// Open Nag File://<Find-A-Job>]" function that's when I start to feel like I've set myself for "Red Alert."

Usually the subroutine is "[CMD://Open Plesantries File://<What-have-You-Been-Doing-For-Fun-Lately?>" This question is not the problem. Rather by inputing a few points of data, plesantries can be mututally achieved up to 70%.

The problems come from after buisness is [CHECK], Fun is [CHECK], there are but only a few more topics to which the Momtron model may produce. One of these questions is "[CMD://Open Pleasantries File://<RELATIONSHIP INQUIRY>"

This is the problem area. For when this question is asked, although it is enevitably going to be inquired upon, the result is never sucessful in achieving pleasanteries. Rather quickly this program instead becomes corrupt within the file.

For example, when disecting the programming of the inner Mombot while it is communicating it's pleasantries file to the WalrusCore, this problem is seen:

Mombot: [CMD://Open Pleasantries File://<RELATIONSHIP INQUIRY>]
WalrusCore: [Error:// <Nothing-To-Report-On>]
Mombot: [Error://Corruption-Indicated//Scanning//<Corruption DETECTED>:"Would you tell me anything if there was something to report on?"
WalrusCore: [Error://]Question at 80% Load Capacity
[Error://]
[Error://]
[Error://Scanning:Emotional-Fault Detected <Overriding.....> CMD://Open Subfile: Quick Fix:] "Sure I would."
[Error://Subproccesor active]

Ever since this coding has been implemented, it's been more and more difficult to communicate data between Me and Mombot. I find that this has become a symptom ever since Mombot instigated a scan of the "Rainbow" file within the WalrusCore.

Indeed, once the firewall around this folder was disabled, it's programming has caused limited connectivity between the Mombot and Walruscore servers.

Within this limited connectivity more files have indeed become corrupt. One of the solutions was to re-instigate a firewall around the "Rainbow" file but that did not stop MomTron from being unable to detect it presence still.

Now because the Walrus Core has almost exausted his [CMD://Open Clever Wit File://Computer-Metaphor] function I'm going to speak (I read Less Cleverly (You read: More Clearly) from here on out:

I find that ever since I came out, there has been this wall between me, my family, and perhaps even some of my friends. In one sense I push my family away because my sexuality is not an easy topic to discuss amongst them. Even to joke to my brother (who I am closer with about my sexuality) about how "hot" Thor was in the movie...uh..Thor, was not an easy task. I just did it so I could feel like the conversation...nay...One-sided Mantra of, "How hot Natalie Portman is" could apply to me.

I feel like, even though I am out, the space to which I use to fill in the closet has now been replaced by a skeleton for me and my family. It is not so much that I am shameful of being gay but rather shameful of having to feel like this thorn in my families paw.

My immediate response to this is to hide my entire romantic life from my family. They know I am gay and that is all they need to know. Then they can do with that information as they like.

Yet when your mom asks you, "Any relationship news?" followed by, "Would you tell me if you did have any?"

You can't help but feel great dread in hearing that. Honestly, after just having called her, I could have told her about this cute guy I met at a concert on Saturday--Which did not go anywhere--but I just felt like I did not need to tell her that.

The worst question is she keeps insisting if I would ever feel comfortable bringing someone home (to my parents):

Sometimes I tell her "Yes." If I'm feeling any bit of honest (tipsy? No honest is the word I'm sure) I'll tell her, "Well I would have to see when the situation arises." But the real answer is, "HELL NO."

It's so bad that anytime I tell mom about anybody I meet I immediately say, "He's straight" or "He's in a relationship" or "We're just friends." I mean I'm not in a relationship...Never been... and although yes that sucks: a major benefit for me is never having to deal with bringing him over to the family dinner table.

Which sucks. Because in a flakey romance boy-love story, that's a pultizer-prize winning moment right there.

To me the solution is just to opt on the path I am and tell my mom that I do not wish to discuss my romantic life with her. This would really hurt her and evidently not do any good for her and I's relationship but I hate feeling shame in myself anytime I discuss these things.

To finalize this rant, I'll ask, broadly and quite obviously, What is your advice? But, also, does anyone else get this isolating feeling after they came out? Is it cureable? Should I act out with a pair of "cool-looking" ray bauns, a smoking habit, and possibly a mild coke addiction while I obsessively give the middle finger at hoity-toity dinner parties and talk about sucking cock? To stop "caring" so much. Or do I let my care block me from ever letting my family see who I am.

I guess to conclude, my family loves me--always has, always will. They just don't "love" my sexuality.

Post Script: Raise your Weapon (Deadmau5 remix) is a REALLY sad song to listen to while writing this rant and is possibly why clever lightheartedness turned so dark at the end there.