I met this friend a few months ago through another friend. Eventually we started hanging out more than any of our other friends. We have a lot in common and would always spend time together. I remember accidentally giving him the wrong number and him getting upset that i'm not answering his texts. He has a girlfriend but always comes over to hang out, play video games, or spend the night at my apartment. I started to notice that when he's drunk he makes subtle hints that he's interested in me. Giving me hugs before he leaves or touching my arms or legs when it's just us. Our friendship was fine until one night. We eventually went out drinking to a gay bar with a few friends and both of us were pretty drunk. He started to notice that I kept trying to hold his and eventually didn't mind it. As soon as it was just me and him in the apartment alone he asked if he could try something on me and slowly started to kiss me. I pushed him away and told him I can't do this because I have feelings for him. He told me he is joining the army soon and that he loves his girlfriend and is worried he might have gotten her pregnant and that she is "the one". If he loves her so much why would he try and sleep with gay guy is my question. He ended up leaving and saying that he's sorry and I cried myself to sleep that night. He used to text me constantly everyday but now it seems almost as if he's ignoring me or making up excuses not to see me. Telling me that he has been sick or going on vacation next week. I accidentally ran into him on campus with a friend and he acted as if he didn't see me and kept walking. I just want to know why he's avoiding me -if he feels guilty for hurting me -if he really does have feelings for me and trying to deny it -if he is confused about his sexual orientation -if he was just trying to sleep with me. -if everything he says about wanting to be with his girlfriend and joining the army is true. I'm so confused as to why he's suddenly ignoring me can anyone please help?
He's probably embarrassed, guilty, or dejected from that night. I would try to have a long and honest talk with him about his feelings. This is a very serious problem that can cause a lot of trouble for a lot of people. If none of that works and you just can't get close enough to him to talk to him, it might just be best to move on from him and find someone else to hang out with. I know that may seem a bit harsh, but it's no use trying to fix something, your friendship, that refuses to stay broken. I hope for the best though, this seems pretty crappy.
ok i can say i have experience in this sort of thing because i recently had a similar incident with a "straight" guy in the military. The best thing you can do is confront him and talk about what happened. The day after it happened my friend made me call him and meet him to talk. Talk about what happened and make sure he understands that you still want to be friends with him and that you want it to have as little impact on your relationship as possible. Tell him your guys friendship is to important to be ruined over a stupid drunk moment. When you go to talk to him tell him you want to clear the air and that you don't want to hear any excuses that you guys need to talk. Meet him somewhere where you are both comfortable but no where to crowded or public so that you can talk comfortably. Make sure he knows your friendship is important to him and that you don't want anything to mess that up. After that you will have to re-gauge the situation. He may still need more space and you have to give it to him until he gets a little more comfortable. Doesn't mean you should cut off communication with him but back down until he shows that he is interested in going back towards normal. It has been months and months since this happened with my friend and a lot of pain, tears, and some work but we are starting back where we left off. I'm not saying that it is a for sure thing, that stuff will get better, but it could. I hope i helped somehow.
It sounds like he is -embarrassed -he feels guilty for hurting me -he really does have feelings for me and trying to deny it -he is confused about his sexual orientation I doubt he is straight. He obviously is hurt right now as well. Talk to him, tell him how you feel. And make it clear that you need to talk about what is bothering you, and you will accept him whatever his answer it. You need to be vulnerable with him, so that he can be vulnerable with you. Be honest, be kind, and be yourself. Good luck, and I hope this helps. If you would like to talk more privately you can post on my wall, and we can talk more directly about what is bothering you.
It's not really easy for a bi guy to understand and come to term with themselves. When I was drunk, my bi side has come out prior to my conscious accepting it. I just took it as being a strange straight guy. I'd say, despite how bad this might sound, he's thinking more of himself than of you. If he doesn't see you, that night never happened in his mind. He can just ignore it. He loves his girlfriend, but he also has feelings for you and doesn't know what those feelings are or mean. Just speaking from how I've reacted at times. I've seen gay people react the same way in film/tv though too.
