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Help with Letters

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Raeil, May 19, 2011.

  1. Raeil

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    Hi EC community! (wall of text incoming and hidden by each spoiler)

    I'm kinda torn between posting this here or in Coming Out Stories, but I figure since the main focus is asking for advice, it's probably a better idea to post it here. I've got two major letters to send out. The first is to the crush who turned me down, and the second is the post which will be on Facebook on June 1st when I come out to everyone. I'd like advice on both of them, specifically for editing and additions to them.

    So, story time for the first letter. My crush was leaving for his home state for the summer, and I had determined I was going to come out to him and tell him how I felt. In the morning, I woke up and thought about texting him for an hour, since I had the room to myself. After that hour, he showed up wanting to give me a small gift (a bookmark) and I had my chance to tell him, but I didn't take it due to nerves. Anyway, I end up hanging out with him and two other people before he leaves, and right before he gets in his car I tell him how I feel. He hugged me (what I needed at the moment, as I was about ready to throw up from nervousness) and told me to have a good summer. Later that night, he sent me a text reading the following, "I'm sorry, Garion, but I don't think I am gay." Because of this, I think he's still questioning his sexuality and wanted to send him a message.

    Below (spoilered) is the message I've written up for him. If you could, please read it and let me know what you think. Specifically, I'd like to know if you think I'm overstepping my bounds here.

    Hi R,

    I wasn't exactly sure how I was going to write this, but I knew I needed to. When I talked to you on your last day in [town], I didn't get a chance to actually explain anything, and I didn't allow you to ask any questions or discuss anything. I'm very sorry about that! I hope this message clears some stuff up, and if it doesn't, feel free to message me back with questions, comments, or concerns.

    First, if I had been thinking rationally, I would have come out to you and told you how I felt when you dropped by to give me one of the Bleach bookmarks. I had actually been thinking of texting you for an hour prior to that, but my nerves kept stopping me. When you showed up, my heart almost stopped, and I was on edge the whole time. Unfortunately, as you know, I didn't come out then, which would have been rather optimal, imo, for the both of us.

    Second, I wanted to kind of expand on what I told you right before you left for Nebraska. It kind of came out quickly, and you deserve an explanation. Initially, I didn't want to tell you how I felt; I just wanted to come out. However, I thought that would be highly dishonest. So I decided that even though it made me uncomfortable, and I was pretty sure it would make you uncomfortable, I needed to let you know of my feelings. I am extremely sorry if admitting this put you in discomfort, but I thought it was worth it.

    Third, thanks for the hug. Seriously. I wasn't sure how you would react to either of my revelations, and the fact that you chose to express acceptance rather than rejection meant the world to me. It also prevented me from going back to my room and crying, so yeah. Thanks again!

    Fourth, I wanted to let you know something from the text you sent me once you got home. I assure you that I will never show that text to anyone[except you guys], and here's why, "I don't think I am gay." I don't mean to cause more discomfort, but I do want to take a shot in the dark, in case what I think here is true. From this sentence, it seems to me that you aren't 100% certain of your sexuality yet. I don't need to know whether I'm right or wrong, I just wanted to throw that statement out there. If you are sure, that's fantastic, and I wish you the best on that front! If you're not, please know that I am always available if you need someone to talk to. In either case, I also want you to know that I will not pursue or act on any feelings for you at all, unless you explicitly tell me otherwise. This was also the case for [girl I asked out while thinking I might not be gay] after I asked her out and was rejected.

    That's everything I can think of. I'm sorry if reading this made you uncomfortable, but as a friend, I felt it was necessary to write up. I hope your summer is going well so far, and I look forward to returning to [college] this Fall!

    Sincerely,

    Garion
    Ok, second letter time. I have always been severely involved in my churches, and all of them so far have been somewhat anti-LGBT. In order to avoid having to tell my story and answer a bunch of questions hundreds of times, I decided to write a FB note to do those things for me. If you have the time, I'd really love it if you could read it and help me with the following: Editing, Questions, and Links. I tend to be long winded, and so I'm sure you'll see stuff which is unnecessary that I've missed because I love to explain everything. In the Questions section, I've put what I think will be common reactions. If you can think of others, please let me know. With Links, I'm wanting some help gathering videos, articles and websites which can help explain homosexuality and Christianity together, as well as homosexuality in general. The eight spoilers below are the eight sections it's divided into. The first section has the table of contents.

    Just so you know, this is EXTREMELY LONG, but I would very much appreciate feedback, even if you only read one or two of the sections.

    Hi there! Chances are, you're reading this because you were directed to at some point in my profile or by me personally. There are several purposes to this note, and I hope that you are able to get the information or explanation you are looking for. Just so you know, if you want more information or explanation you may either comment here or message me. I will NOT tolerate any bullying, hazing, or hatred in the comments of this note and on my wall. Doing so will get your post deleted, and will earn you a deletion from my friends list. Now, let's get started.

    ----------

    Contents:
    1) Metamorphosis
    2) My Sexuality
    3) My Faith
    4) Acceptance
    5) What Has Changed? What Will Change?
    6) My Request
    7) Links
    "Metamorphosis"

    In certain animals, a metamorphosis occurs as the animal transitions from one stage of its life to the next. The one which most easily enters my mind is the transition from caterpillar to butterfly. I have titled this note Metamorphosis for I too have transitioned from one stage of my life to the next. In the spring semester of my sophomore year, Spring 2011, I both accepted my homosexuality and rejected my Christian faith, which I had had for all 19 years of my life to that point. Considering my involvement in churches where homosexuality is considered a sin, I feel I owe the Christians in my life an explanation for this drastic shift in faith and drastic "change" in my sexuality. I also feel that I owe all of my friends a face-to-face coming out and explanation of who I am, but that is impossible to do.

    So I have written this note with these things in mind. I intend to be very open about who I am and the steps which led me to the two major transitions of my life. What I hope is that those of you who see this transition as drastic and spontaneous will come to have a better understanding of why I made my choices, and perhaps start to see this metamorphosis as a natural process. I know I do!

    That's pretty much everything I have to say, so here's a handy little guide of what to expect in each section past this one.

    Under "My Sexuality" and "My Faith" I will essentially tell my story. Not just from the 2010-2011 year, but starting from the year 2003, as that's where my life changes from a standard childhood. Both stories come to their end in "Acceptance" where I'll detail my close call with a nervous breakdown and what happened after it. In "What Has Changed? What Will Change?" I will answer these questions to the best of my ability. Under the "My Request" section, I detail what I would like for you, as my friend, to do. Finally, I have "Links and Conclusions." Here I will post some links to articles and videos which go over LGBT issues and some misconceptions, as well as some final comments.
    Warning: The next section contains minor Glee spoilers/predictions.
    "My Sexuality"

    I first came to the understanding that I was gay when I was 12 years old, in the year 2003. While I do remember having gay thoughts prior to this year, I didn't understand the idea of being gay until this point. If I remember correctly, this year was also the year that I began to be very involved with the children's and/or youth ministries at my church. I realized these thoughts were against the teachings of the church, so I decided to repress my sexuality and pray against it, in order to prevent myself from acting on them and losing my ability to lead in church. There were weeks where I didn't have gay thoughts, but they never fully left. Every time they returned, I added another layer of repression and prayer to separate my sexuality from myself, shrouding it in darkness and telling God that I didn't want that part of me.

    Of course, I never told anyone in authority about these thoughts. In my mind, this homosexuality was a sin to the point that I would be kicked off of my worship team, and shunned from leadership, so I was determined to hide it until I had "killed" that part of my through prayer. I did, however, tell two individuals who will not be named here. To one I told that I was struggling with homosexuality and I asked him to pray because I had P.E. the next year in high school. To the other, I explained that a recent song I had written was about how I had overcome my homosexuality through prayer. I hadn't, but I thought I had at that point.

    Anyway, while I kept repressing myself until I was 19, my environment changed in two ways upon entering college at age 18. First, many people on my campus were acceptant, or at least tolerant, of LGBT lifestyles. Second, I started watching Glee. While the first change is easy to understand in terms of how it could alter my understanding, the second might take some explaining. I originally watched Glee just because it was an episodic musical TV show. What I didn't know was how deep that creators would be getting into my personal life. Kurt, the flamboyant character who EVERYONE knows is gay, comes out to his father in one of the early episodes, something which I only did during my last week of coming out. Continually, Glee showed how Kurt was bullied, but held his ground, and in the second season Kurt ended up getting a boyfriend and helping a bully change from his homophobic ways and accept his own homosexuality. The entire show was exactly what I ended up needing, because it challenged my assumption that being gay was a sin, something which I had to face once I began my acceptance process.

    It began in September 2010. I was in another long time where my homosexual thoughts were in hiding and I began to think about dating a girl who lived one door down from me. Her laugh was absolutely beautiful (still is) and she was extremely cute (and still is). Over a few weeks, I considered the possibility of asking her out, and in late September I did. A week later, which was just as long for her as it was for me, she responded in the negative, saying "I don't think we have that much in common." I thanked her, and went back to my room, realizing on the way that she was completely right. As I asked myself how I could miss such an obvious mistake, I heard a part of my mind respond that I was trying to be straight. That train of thought triggered the emergence of my homosexuality from its cocoon of darkness. One thought broke out of that cocoon, transforming into reality instantaneously.

    "It's because I'm gay."

    This thought began to make it's way into my mind, and it felt right. Admitting it to myself just fit, and it was because this time I wasn't accompanying it with thoughts of self-doubt, negativity, and a desire to rid myself of it. Not repressing this single thought illuminated my mind, and I was enriched by coming out to myself in that moment. You might say it was an overreaction to the rejection, but I will say you are wrong. I cannot express how I felt then, how right it was. The joy, the love of self, the acceptance... it mixed so perfectly that I just knew I couldn't avoid my sexuality anymore. Then came the hard part.

    Having grown up in a Christian environment, where homosexuality was talked down on and perceived as a sin, I had to come to terms with one of two things: 1) I was in sin, and could never be a true Christian because of my sexuality, or 2) I was not in sin, and the churches I had attended were wrong in some way. At the time, I still felt a connection to Christ, one which was not filled with disappointment, but one which was filled with hope, so I decided to come to terms with the second option. In short, I ended up using a contradiction in Paul's teachings to introduce a very strong possibility that homosexuality is not a sin. If you want the specifics, message me, because it took me until January 2011 to get to that point, and I don't want this note to be overly long.

    Essentially, I came to the conclusion that I could still be Christian and gay. Less than one month later, I was no longer Christian, though, so that process didn't even really matter anymore... ah well. During the months of February to April, I was figuring out what not being Christian meant, but I was also determining how I would come out to others. In mid-April, I finished coming out to myself by preventing a nervous breakdown, and that concludes this section.
    "My Faith"

    Ever since I was a little boy, I had been Christian. My parents tell me that when I was age 5, I came into their room and told them I wanted to be a Christian, saved by Jesus Christ. They, as pastors, were very proud of me, and eagerly led me through the sinner's prayer. For the next five years, I became involved in the children's ministry at [Church 1], and one of my favorite memories of that time is being a part of the kids praise team during a week long summer crusade. I made great friends during that time, which made the decision to leave that particular church very unexpected and difficult. I was 9 at the time.

    I do not know the full story of why we left, and I've honestly stopped caring about it. I know my parents' side, but out of respect for them and the affected parties, I will not detail it here. The gist of it, however, is that my parents chose to leave because they thought they were being treated unfairly. I cried quite a bit when they told us, but life kept going.

    Over the next two years, we tried to sell our house in Missouri, choosing to live with our grandparents on my Dad's side in Iowa. I have very hazy memories of that time, but I do know that my relationship with my grandparents improved dramatically, as we were there for a while. I did get involved in a church there, but only was able to serve for a half of a year before we returned to Missouri.

    Back in Missouri, we went to a church for about a half-year before we ended up switching to the church I have the 2nd strongest ties to. [Church 2] is a non-denominational, Pentecost-leaning church, and it was there that I came into my own as a Christian. It was here I was taught the power of prayer, praise, and worship. I started going to "big church" and taking notes, in order to better remember the message of the week. When I started attending the youth service, it took about a year before I was ready to try applying to be a student leader. I was accepted though, as an 8th grader, the youngest of the bunch.

    From there, I became extremely involved, going to youth camp, helping the worship team, being a part of the teams for our major conferences, etc. In my 10th grade year, 2006-2007, we moved our youth service from Wednesday to Thursday, so I took the opportunity to start being involved at another church's youth group, at [Church 3]. It was an AG church, much like my first church, [Church 1], and I was instantly able to understand the services and how to help out. I was there for a year, but then I felt it was necessary to transition again. I returned to [Church 1].

    Now, at this point, it's my 11th grade year, and I'm still involved at [Church 2]. However, returning to the church that I hadn't been to in seven years was quite a trip. I found friends I had made, got to know them again, and began to be involved there, though not nearly as much, due to the process of becoming a student leader. Things came to a head at the end of my high school experience, when I chose to leave [Church 2] and become a full member at my childhood church.

    Everything finally felt right! I was back as a full time member of [Church 1], and I was preparing for college. We did some fun stuff over the summer. Going to Florida was definitely the highlight of that year! We went for a weeklong celebration of the arts as used to promote Christianity, and it was a blast! Still, though, the time came for another transition as I moved to central Missouri to go to [College].

    At [College] I intended to continue following God, so I started church hopping trying to find a home. In October 2009, I settled on another non-denominational church, and it was great. Didn't really get involved, though, due to having coursework and other activites. I did, however, get involved in a non-denominational Christian community on campus. There, I ended up actually leading a small group during my second semester at school! Life kept being great, especially when I got back during the summer and helped out with [Church 1] again.

    And at this point, things started to change.

    In Fall 2010, I was still quite involved in [Campus Group], and got on the worship team as a keyboardist. [College Church] also started to make use of my keyboard abilities, so that was nice. However, it was during that semester that I began to look into Logic as a form of study, and ended up reading a fan fiction called "Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality." It was a humorous, yet intelligent, take on Harry Potter in which Harry grows up the son of a professor of logic who loves him, instead of growing up under foster parents who don't care about him. This fanfiction led me to a site which had a great wealth of information about rationality and logic, which I began to read. One article caused me to start questioning my faith, appropriately titled, "Making Beliefs Pay Rent." The general idea is that if a belief is important enough to keep, you should ensure that it lines up with reality. For instance, I believe in the theory of gravity, and it pays rent every time something falls, every time the sun comes up in the morning, and every time the tides change. Christianity didn't exactly do this, but I managed to explain this away.

    In Spring 2011, though, I changed. January 27th, 2011 is when it happened, not a month after I had explained why I was still believing in Christianity. I was sitting in a sermon at [Campus Group], and I read a verse which our speaker used to elaborate on a point. Specifically, the verse came from Luke chapter 9, when a man tells Christ he will follow him, but first he wants to go bury his father or say goodbye to his family. Christ responds by saying "Let the dead bury their dead" and "No man, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom..." When I read these verses, I read them very differently than usual, and the conversation between Christ and the men looked like this:

    "We'll follow you, but give us a moment to burn our bridges so nothing can distract us from you."
    "No, you do not get to burn those bridges."

    My brain reacted to this reading by thinking "I don't really want to follow Christ anymore if this is how he treats potential followers." Maybe I interpreted these verses incorrectly, but that's not important in light of the next problem I had. I told my brain to shut up, and moved that thought away from my brain, but then the story of the rich young ruler was brought up. In it, a man asks Christ what he must do to enter into the kingdom of God (aka follow Christ). Christ responded by telling the man to go and sell all his possessions, then give all the money to the poor, then following him. In other words, Christ told this man that he HAD to burn his bridges before he could follow him.

    My brain jumped onto this contradiction, and because a double standard is unethical, I doubted that Christ was the son of God. Over the next few minutes, I wrestled with this doubt, but I watched as every argument I could make for Christ being the son of God was overthrown, followed by the arguments that Christianity was true. In a manner of minutes, I was an athiest, sitting in a Christian gathering, feeling reeeeeeeeally awkward.

    Now, perhaps my initial cause for doubt was faulty, but over the next few months, I began to search for the truth as much as I could. This led me to believe that regardless of the validity of my original doubt, there were plenty of other things to cause doubt, which would lead to the same result. Thus, it was in the Spring of 2011 that I abandoned my faith of 19 years. One which had been synced just a few months prior with the idea that homosexuality was not a sin.

    In March, I was discussing my loss of faith with my roommate (who had experienced a loss of faith the semester before) and a friend of mine from [Campus Group]. As my roommate and I were giving reasons for our disbelief, I started shaking slightly and apparently began to sound upset. The only reason I know this is because my friend asked me why I had such an anger towards Christianity. I told him I did not, or at least I didn't intend to. After all, Christianity is partially responsible for my success in my early life, and I still have great respect for those who choose to subscribe to it as a belief system. It wasn't until April that I figured out the reason for this.
    "Acceptance"

    By mid-April I had done a lot of thinking about my lost faith and my sexuality. I honestly thought I was close to ready to come out, and was in the process of making plans. Then one night my roommate turns to me and says the following: "So this is going to be awkward, but I just asked out [girl I asked out in October 2010] and she said yes." Here's what happened to my brain during that sentence: "So this is going to be awkward, but..." - "****, he knows! ****, how the **** does he already know?! I'm not ready to tell him I'm gay! I'm just not!!! ****, ****, ****..." followed by "I just asked out [girl] and she said yes." - "Phew, he doesn't know. Thank goodness! Oh God, now I need to respond to this and act naturally, like I'm not about to majorly freak out..."

    I congratulated him, but for the next four hours I was shaking and my heart was beating something fierce. My brain was jumping around so much that I couldn't even concentrate on Stumbling, which is a low-maintenance activity if you don't know it. When my roommate went to sleep, I got into my bed and tried to go to sleep, but I was still shaking, still jumping around in my thoughts, and generally feeling like I needed to scream and cry and shout all at the same time. I tried to calm down, but the more I thought about it, the more I knew I needed to go for a walk and get all the stuff out before I had a nervous breakdown. I hopped out of bed, put on my shoes, and walked around campus for 2 hours.

    During this time, I talked to myself. I know that might make me seem crazy, but I was alone, and for some reason hearing what I was thinking started to calm me down. Once I had gotten the jumpiness out of my system, I started to tell my story to myself. Yep, both of the previous sections were written in my head on that night, albeit with a lot more words and a lot more foul language. Telling my story revealed to me three different things.

    1) I hadn't accepted my sexuality fully until that point. I remember the moment when I realized I had accepted it. I said, out loud, "I'll get to change my Facebook 'Interested in' to Men!" and I just started crying tears of joy. Realizing that I was prepared to take that step, even though I could not yet, was almost as beautiful as saying to myself "I am gay" for the first time.

    2) I did have anger against Christianity. You see, I had dated a girl for a few days in high school, and I know she was hurt when I broke up with her. I also knew that I had made the girl I asked out extremely uncomfortable by the act of asking her out. Both of these pains were caused directly by me not being accepting of my own sexuality. My subconscious was transferring the guilt of these feelings to Christianity, as it is the main reason I didn't accept my sexuality during those times, and that guilt turned into anger. Thankfully, by recognizing that I was able to forgive myself and my former religion for those pains. I only hope that both of my dear friends who I asked out can forgive me for causing them pain.

    3) I was crushing on a guy, and had been crusing on him for some time. I knew I needed to take care of these feelings before I returned for the summer, so I decided that I would tell him when I came out to him.

    Thus, I fully accepted who I was, without any regrets other than the pains of the two girls I mentioned in the second point. For the remainder of the walk I started making plans to come out to my friends at school, friends at home, and family. Inevitably, those plans didn't stay in their standard schedule, but they did all end at the same point: Renovating Facebook.

    So, once I had accepted myself, I waited until finals week to start coming out. The first person I came out to wasn't amazingly close, but I knew she would be accepting and understanding. We ended up talking for upwards of 3 hours, conversing about me, my emotions, a friend of hers who had also come out to her first, etc. Over the course of the week, I came out to another 5 people. Two of those were my crush and my roommate. My crush reacted much better than I expected to, though I was completely nervous about what would happen. He turned me down, but at least he still accepted me. I couldn't come out to my roommate face-to-face, again due to nerves. Thankfully, when he found the note I left for him, he didn't react poorly. Both of these awesome individuals are still friends with me today, and I couldn't ask for more accepting friends from school.

    Over the first month of summer I came out to my close friends from home and my family, as well as the friends from school who I didn't get a chance to tell in person. During this period of time, I began exploring new venues of music that I had been forbidden from touching by the Christian religion, such as Lady Gaga. Turns out, I LOVE her music! Perfect timing, too, as her new album was scheduled to come out by the end of the first month. My Facebook profile underwent renovation during the final week of the first month of summer, and on June 1st, this note went live.
    "What Has Changed? What Will Change?"

    In this section, I hope to tackle these commonly asked questions. Most of this will not be applicable if you have met me after the posting of this note, but I include it so that I don't have to explain myself to the several people who will want to know.

    First off, I am still Garion. Yes, I am no longer Christian, and yes, now I am being open about being gay, but I am still the same person when it comes to my tastes. I still love classical music, video games, mathematics, my friends, my family, reading fantasy, etc. I still hate sports, country music, contradictions, Napoleon Dynamite, etc. While it may seem for a while that "gay" is all I am, it is normal for those going through coming out to experience major identification with their sexuality until it has synthesized itself into a trait, rather than a life definition. I'd like to believe I'm already there, but I know otherwise. For instance...

    While I've become more comfortable with my sexuality, I've also become much more open in my filter. Since I didn't want anyone finding out I was gay, I filtered as many stereotypically homosexual thoughts, actions, and likes from my life. Take Lady Gaga as an example.. Gaga is something that is stereotypically listened to by people who identify as LGBT, and she is an avid supporter of our rights. So, I tried not to listen to a lot of her stuff. Now, though, I've developed a major love for her music! This is a single example of a small thing that's changed in my personal likes and dislikes.

    A deeper example is that I've become much more knowledgeable of LGBT terminology and issues. As an example of what will change, you'll likely see reminders about things like gay marraige, National Coming Out Day, and other LGBT things in my status, profile and notes. I'm sorry if you don't support the things I support, but when I last checked we didn't have to agree on politics or religion to be friends, so please be understanding of this.

    I wish I could fully answer the question of the future, but I cannot. The only major things I can think of are what I've stated previously and also the fact that someday, I will have a boyfriend. When that happens, you will see it on Facebook and in real life. Get ready for it, and get used to it. I don't plan to change who I am, but I do plan to let who I am come to the surface, rather than be hidden like it used to be. I don't know what changes this surfacing will bring, but I hope you're around to see them!
    "My Request"

    I started getting into this in the previous section, but I still feel I need to stress a few things. For you to read this note, you must be friends with me on Facebook, which implies that we are friends (or at least acquaintences) in real life. Therefore, especially if you're reading this and you knew me prior to coming out, I'd like you to answer the following question:

    "Does it really matter to me that Garion is gay and no longer Christian, is open about it, and will someday have a boyfriend/husband?"

    If your answer is "No," congratulations! You pass the tolerance and acceptance test and don't need to read anymore of this section because you'll likely still treat me the same as you did before you knew.

    If your answer is "Yes," then I'd like to know why. However, I do have some pre-made possibilities and responses.

    1) "I'm a straight male, and uncomfortable being friends with a gay guy." - You ARE friends with girls right? The friendship we have is no different then your friendship with a straight female.
    2) "I'm worried that you'll get discriminated against." - As far as discrimination goes, that's something that hopefully will get phased out of the world over my lifetime. Thanks for worrying, but if you're concerned about it you could help by being active in LGBT issues. Check "Links" for some ideas.
    3) "I'm worried you'll get a disease. Don't gay guys have a higher chance of getting X?" - In some cases yes we do, and in other cases no. Thanks for worrying, but I've already done my research into this, and you can be assured I will make no stupid decisions when it comes to my safety.
    4) "I don't want you to end up in Hell!" - Thanks, again, for worrying, but that's not something to be horribly concerned about. See, for starters, being gay has nothing to do with whether I end up in Hell at this point. Since I'm not Christian anymore, I don't think Heaven and Hell exist, just this life, so I don't think I'll end up there. You can pray for me if you want, but know that I don't really care.
    5) "You seemed so grounded in your faith!" - I tried to give my reasons for leaving Christianity in "My Faith," but if you really want more info, you can message me. If I don't respond within a reasonable time, that means I answered your question in "My Faith" and am deigning to respond.

    Hopefully you're response is in the above. If, after reading my response you feel you can accept me for who I am, then you have fulfilled my request, and I look forward to staying friends with you as we live our lives. If, on the other hand, you do not feel you can accept me, then I suggest you defriend me rather than trying to change me. That is my request, and that is the end of this section unless you are from [Church Groups I Care Deeply About].

    Addendum:

    I want to apologize to you all. I apologize for hiding myself, for lying to you by lying to myself. Some of you looked up to me as a role model, and now I am somewhat of the epitome of what not to do/be, according to your beliefs. I will never be able to apologize enough for this deception, but I hope that you can forgive me anyway.

    I will not be returning to [Church] because I no longer believe in what they have to offer. However, I have come to know many of you as fantastic individuals, and I hope that you will choose to continue to be friends with me. If you do not, I understand, and I will not judge you at all. Enjoy your life, if this is your choice. I will miss you, but I do truly understand.

    Should you choose to remain my friend, in real life or on Facebook, I need to a lay a major rule down. Do not try to change me. I am in no way trying to change your beliefs, and I expect you to have the same respect for me. If you intend to message me or post on my wall with something intended to change my belief, you need to ask yourself one simple question, "Am I willing to have my mind changed about this?" The moment you try to change my beliefs, you open yourself to my response, which will try to change yours. I don't like those kind of fights, so I'd prefer not to waste my time with them. Follow that rule, and we should get along just fine!
    "Links and Conclusion"

    PFLAG: Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays - This link leads to the FAQ on PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), and can hopefully answer a lot of questions that I just cannot cover here. This site, in general, has a ton of resources for you as a friend of mine, especially if you knew me before I came out.

    YouTube - Being Gay: The Constant Thought - This video is of an individual I've started watching on YouTube. He essentially goes over a few misconceptions about LGBT individuals (focusing on the G because that's what he is) and has a message of acceptance which I've tried to show here.

    Well, that's everything I wanted to say in this massively long and detailed note. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! I hope you have gotten a better understanding of who I am, and I also hope that we'll continue to stay friends for ages to come!

    With Love!
    Garion

    P.S. There was one more thing. If you are gay, bi, lesbian, transgender, etc. and you need someone to talk to, but don't know who to turn to, I am here for you. I severely wish I had been able to tell someone what I was struggling with during the seven months between the posting of this note and when I acknowledged my sexuality. I will not betray your trust, and I will do my best to help you! Please, don't suffer in silence, and know that it gets better!

    Thank you SO much for reading through this EXTREMELY LONG post! :eusa_clap I look forward to reading your comments!!! :slight_smile:
     
  2. Ethan

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Metro Detroit, Michigan
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Fantastic!
    I do have one suggestion, though. Your links section is rather barren, and with all of your talk about religion and religious friends, I thought it might be nice for you to include some sort of link to a gay Christian website. I don't really know any of these personally, though.
     
  3. Wahnfried36

    Wahnfried36 Guest

    You know it's always nice to come accross someone who, likewise, lives with hypergraphia! :lol:

    Sorry - didn't mean to be scathing like that! I think your heart is obviously in the right place and you have a lot of sensitivity. I do, however, wonder whether you're overcooking it slightly - after such a great and accepting reaction from your friend are you really sure you have unfinished business at all? I know that there is so much you want to say and wish you could have said to him (as there is with my crush) but perhaps the fact that he's going away is good in that it allows for a break and anything else that needs addressing it can be left until the Fall. Remember, the more you say the more probability there is of you unintentionaly saying something "wrong" or that could be taken the wrong way. Hope it all works out.
     
  4. olides84

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    Overall very impressive. A few thoughts:

    I think your fourth item to your friend comes across too aggressive, as you are trying to over-analyze his words. I would just leave it as you understand that he likely doesn't return your feelings, and that you won't bring it up again. But you are very happy to remain friends and be able to talk about anything that is bothering him and hopefully vice versa.

    For the facebook bit, I also think your ultimatum to your friends is way too strong. You are demanding seemingly immediate acceptance and threatening them with defriending, both on facebook and in real life. It bothered me that you have that huge caveat in your first paragraph. And your whole "My Request" piece (well the part before the addendum) comes across quite arrogant, as if you are speaking to children. While I'd love to have that kind of black-and-white accept/reject structure, people's dealing with their friends coming out doesn't always work that way. I guess overall I'd say, have a little compassion for those who have problems with your being gay. Let them go through a process of (hopefully) acceptance rather than have you nip things in the bud by rejecting them right off if they don't meet your criteria of accepting you immediately.

    But other than those two areas, it was fine. I suppose people who read it are used to your verbosity, and hey, just like being gay, that's also part of you that can't and shouldn't be changed :slight_smile:
     
  5. Skiel

    Skiel Guest

    I think it sounds fine because you sound very genuine and honest about yourself.
    I agree with what olides said about sounding too agressive on the fourth part though. You don't want to sound like you are accusing him of possibly being gay. He might get uncomfortable or insecure whether he is gay or straight. I think it's better off that you take out that sentence.
     
  6. Raeil

    Full Member

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    Thank you all for your responses!

    Nazo - I have one site in mind, but haven't actually finished checking all of the stuff on the site. I also hope that some people here at EC might have some suggestions.

    Wahnfried - I can see your point, especially since things which travel over the internet can be misread or misunderstood. I'll do some more thinking before sending that letter, and might not at all. (Also, I have a new word that describes me, yay!)

    Olides - As I said to Wahnfried, I'll do some thinking, but if I decide to send it, I'll make sure to edit that fourth thing. The last thing I want to do is scare him, but I do want it known that I'm there if he wants to talk about anything. As far as the Request section goes, I hadn't realized how much I was demanding. Thanks for pointing that out! I'll have to re-write that portion during the day, instead of between 2 and 4 AM.

    Skiel - I definitely agree with Olides and Wahnfried as far as the fourth statement being too aggressive, and will edit it if I decide to send it. Thanks for your input!