Hello all, I'm writing here for advise and to let out everything that is inside me. I'm 25 years old and from South America. I'm gay and in the closet. I live in an extremely macho and homophobic country and come from a very conservative family. I have no experience with men, I've tried meeting online only to be fooled or meeting people that just wants sex. I'm reaching the point where some persons are secretly questioning my sexuality as I've never had a girlfriend. However, the prospect of coming out will probably imply being kicked out of my house, I haven't told anyone, the sensation of being in the closet smothers me, being 25 and being a virgin makes me feel ridiculous and more importantly lonely I long terribly for company and intimacy, but the fears and consequenses of actually coming out scared me greatly, a relative who was gay was ostracized by the family, my mother thinks that homosexuality its a sin. Any advise that you can give me would be great
I'm sorry I can't give you advice but I will give you a hug! (*hug*) I'm so truly sorry that you have to endure this. I hope that things will work out for you.
First I'd like to say welcome to EC! We're here for you, no matter what! Now, I must say that I have not experienced anything close to what you're going through, and to say "I understand how you feel" would be a disgrace to the difficulty of where you are. I am truly sorry that you are in this terrible place which does not accept who you are outright. I am, however, extremely glad to see you here, where you will be accepted and loved for who you are! (*hug*) I have a bit of encouragement before I get to the little advice I can offer. First, do not be ashamed of being a virgin at your age. Your circumstances have pretty much forced that to be the case, and they are to be blamed, not you! Second, I do understand what it feels like to desire to be intimately close to someone (anyone, for that matter) and to feel like you are unable to get there due to this whole coming out thing. I'm sorry you're feeling that way, but know that you are not alone. Someday you will have that intimacy you desire and need as a human being. As I said, I do not have experience in your situation, but I do have two small bit of advice. First, the relative who was ostracized by the family knows what you are going through. If there is any way you can get in touch with him/her without being ostracized yourself, I would use it. I believe he will be able to help you better than anyone here can, as he as intimate knowledge of your specific situation. Second, be on the lookout for people who will be accepting. When the time comes for you to come out to your family, you will need someone who will accept you and possibly be able to take you in until you are able to find a place (should you be kicked out). If you can find someone quickly, you can take care of this immediately, and can also get out of the smothering of the closet just a little. Again, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Know that we have your back, and will always be here to comfort you. Be safe, stay strong, and good luck! (&&&)
Welcome to EC and I'll repeat that we're here for you so don't be shy :smilewave I really liked how Raeil said, "...I do understand what it feels like to desire to be intimately close to someone (anyone, for that matter) and to feel like you are unable to get there due to this whole coming out thing." I'm almost 36 and I'm in the same place you are in that regard. I live in a different environment than what you describe, but I can imagine it's even harder for you to come out. Is contacting your relative possible? How about moving to a more accepting area? I wish you the best and hope you stay strong. Keep talking to us and reading here at EC (*hug*)
Im really sorry dear, I understand that this can be difficult. Many of us on EC have similar experiences, and Im sure there are many that empathize with your story. I would say that if you plan on coming out any times soon then it would be good to make sure you are financially stable first. You need to have the capability to provide for yourself, considering your family probably will not. You also need to be prepared for any kind of emotional response from your parents. You mom will probably cry, complain, and gripe, and you dad might yell, deny the fact your gay, ect. Understand this. There are 5 stages to loss that each person should know: Denial/ ignorance (I am not gay, how could I be gay, ill just not pretend I am. Or he isnt gay, he's not gay, he's just confused) Anger (How could I be gay, fuck god, fuck everyone, Im such a piece of shit!) Bargaining (Maybe I like girls and guys, I like guys allot more, but there's a chance I still like girls.... right?) Depression (Im a stupid fagot, nobody wants me, people dont accept me, its my fault for being different) and acceptance. Your parents are going to go threw similar stages that you are/have been going threw. Remember they love you, remember there will come a time where they will accept you, and you are born this way. Come out when you are ready, and when it is safe. This whole experience (the human experience), which consists of everything is for your benefit. Coming out is something that you need to do for yourself, and it is something that you need to reconcile with. I hope this helps
