So although I still havent put a legitimate label on my sexuality (nobody should have to anyway), right now I consider myself basically bi-sexual. I say this only because I've never been with a guy in any way, not even a kiss, or even an elongated hug for that matter. As most of you know I'm not out to literally anybody yet, and that makes it so much harder to like find SOMEONE to experiment with. It's not even that all I care about is getting in a guys pants. I'd be happy starting out with just having a guy that I could be close with and tell things and let our emotions take control. Most times I'm with a girl (not even sex, but everything else in the bedroom) I think how much better it would be with a boy, and like I'm at the point where I just hae to imagine being with a guy because IDK how I can possibly experiment with anyone without undoing my whole life. At school I know a few gay people, but not really any where I would be like hey, lets experiment lol, mainly because word would travel pretty fast. Now I'm back home with my family for three months, and I'm forced to just look at straight guys who I would love to make a move on and all guys I see who I think are hot, but I just can't act on it. On top of that theres no guys I'm like "crushing on." When I was younger, yeah, I would secretly crush on a few of my friends, but now there are guys I just think are hot and wanna try things with. My gay friend at school is like just one of the guys. I don't think he would want to experiment anything like that with me, and even if he did, I can't see us coming out of that without it being somewhat awkward. What should I do? How can I just find someone to share myself with to help me figure out my sexuality with. Maybe I'l be with a guy and realize I actually like it as much as, or maybe only a little more than when I'm with a girl. IDK, I'm just gonna keep posting my thoughts daily or whenever because it helps me work my way through it. All comments are appreciated.
Hey, I can't really help much because I'm in the same position as you. I've never been with a girl and I'd really like to try and experiment. But I know what you mean about there not really being anyone around to do that with. (Of course, I've never really been with a guy either so I guess I'd like to "experiment" with that too. Haha.) But I just wanted to tell you you're not alone. Hopefully things will work out for us and we'll find someone to help us find ourselves.
I've known I was gay as fact since I was 12. I only was kissed for the first time last year and it was just a drunken mess so I don't know if that even counts for much. I honestly don't know what advice I could give you other then make sure you're safe and use protection but I'm assuming you would know that. I stopped giving a shit and figured I'll just wait till it happens. I don't know. I'm just following RJ in letting you know you are far from alone in this matter.
This is pretty tricky since this is a common problem for most of us. This type of problem actually makes most of us resort to finding people online, which is not necessarily bad. You can definitely find someone trustworthy and perhaps a significant person in your support network online, but you just gotta be careful (you're 20 so I don't even have to explain that to you) I would say more but I'm typing onny phone LoL
Thanks guys and RJ (your awesome RJ always good advice)...hey one of you is from ny and the other nj...so not too far off hahaha (half jking) But happy to know more of you are in this awkward situation. I just know that first moment with a guy will be when I know what I truly like.
Oh word? lmao Lol but seriously, idk if someone said it already but try joining your school's LGBTQ club. That's like...the best way to meet other people you can relate to. (Again I'm not following my own advise here :X)
I agree with Ecap1. Join a club or something. The more people from the LGBT community and its allies, you meet, the more friends they will have and you'll meet a ton of people. It might have to wait until summer's over, but that's life, you'll be okay even if it feels like you're going to go crazy. You won't, you'll be fine
Here's my 100% fullproof plan that will gurantee the fufilment of all your dreams. Hire a prostitute.
^ Not necessarily. :dry: I tend to believe that if you have crushed on guys in the past, and you presently want to 'experiment' with guys - and not just have sex but get close and intimate - then I don't think you really need to try it to know that you're AT LEAST bi-sexual, if not gay. I'm pretty sure that straight guys don't have these feelings for other men. I don't think they're secretly wondering if they're gay or bi, and in the end determine after all that they are indeed straight - after 'experimenting'. Straight guys (I'm pretty sure) don't do that. So I think you can rest assured that you're at least bi. Now what? Try that on for a while. You're bi. How does it feel? If you're comforable with it, then perhaps you could start to tell some people. Maybe you could tell your gay friend from school. And not so you can hook up with him, but because he'll be able to understand where you're coming from - and he'd also be able to introduce you to other guys. And maybe one of THEM would strike your fancy. :icon_bigg Another thing that a lot of people here ask is this - if you're using porn, what kind of porn are you using? If it's (almost) exclusively gay porn, then it's a pretty sure bet that you're bi or gay. No need to prove it. Just go with it.
In seriousness, the solution is taking the initiative. The unfortunate thing about any form of experimentation, sexual/romantic intimacy or even friendship, is they all require an initial 'laying down of the cards' moment, where you're totally vulnerable. I've always seen it that heterosexual interaction only has one barrier to break, and that's the 'individual attraction' barrier. Where as homosexual interaction has two barriers, first you have to break the 'gender barrier', then, on the rare occasion you end up with two homo/bi-sexuals; there's the 'individual barrier'. When you're closted, you're not allowing any opportunity for someone to break that first 'gender barrier'. Whether it's instinct or animalistic behavior, I've noticed that people generally don't bother making themselves vulnerable to rejection from either barrier unless they're confident they will break through it. This means, that unless you either initiate or accept advances on 'breaking the barrier' no experimentation will happen. So I say, let it be known that your barrier is ready to be broken (figuratively speaking of course )! This doesn't mean coming out or actively telling people you're gay, it means putting yourself in an environment where you're more likely to encounter other queer guys and going to places where it's expected that you're NOT straight, such as GBLT societies/groups or bars/clubs. Meeting guys through your gay friend from highschool might be an excellent way to start networking yourself into such an environment. Good luck, and remember that NOTHING can happen unless you either initiate it, or let it.
