Need help, am I bi or gay?

From what I understand...
You said you are "attracted" to women. Do you mean physical and emotional attractions?
And, as of right now, only physical attractions toward men? Then yeah, you're probably bisexual.
If you only have sex with women because it feels good, not because you have any real connection, then you are probably gay. Or close to it.
Only you can truly diagnose what you are feeling in order to find where you lie on the continuum, though.

 

Every bi guy goes through this. At the same time I was falling for the high school quarterback (he actually initiated it with me), I was falling for my religion teacher's daughter. Now if only her mother was a conservative Catholic, lol. Then some bis have "gay days" and "straight days" when they lean in one direction entirely and then the other. Sometimes the light switch can come and go rapid fire. For example, tightly cramped lines or the beach has been known to make some bis uncomfortable - feels like an orgy since there's A LOT of options around. It's hard to settle into, but we're the ones living between the lines. Because of that society doesn't really want to believe we exist even though we do - people prefer black or white issues. Sexuality's a lot like politics, I highly doubt everyone's 100% democrat or republican. Some move in from being "strange straight guys" (me) others being "strange gay guys," which should really show how diverse the spectrum is. I'm 2.5. I can screw any girl, but the guy has to be attractive in some way (physically or emotionally).

 

The Kinsey Scale should help you I think. Kinsey scale - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I'm still a virgin so I can't speak from a sex stand point, but I've definitely been attracted to girls as well as guys. I noticed I started crushing on girls when I was 13. I was very confused for a while because I was still predominately attracted to guys. I could see myself having relationships with them. But with girls it wasn't as deep. Now after 6 years of trying to figure it out, I found I really am a 1.5- or 2 on the Kinsey scale. So I'm not 50-50 attracted to both guys vs girls. More like 60-40. You might be closer to the 50-50, so maybe a 3 on the scale. Hope this helps!

 

You like girls. You have sex with girls and you liked it. A gay guy wouldn't or a "gay guy" would and still labels himself gay (I have yet to understand this one).

I'd say go after bi or pan or poly girls. They'll get you. Straight girls shrug it off as "gay" unfortunately.

Let me ask you this, could you ever in your wildest dreams give up girls? Personally, I can't. Greatest fear has always been losing my noble tool preventing me from going after girls.

Go to [Link removed by mod] this site.

Read this book. Yeah, it's about Marlon Brando - but it's about how widespread bisexuality is. A lot about James Dean. Also helps to show in-depth how diverse everything is.

I'm out. My Dad's still getting used to the notion that I like guys. And found out my Mom is a fag hag, which is beyond awkward. I'm not turning "fully gay" for her. My friends are cool with it, yet - I'm out in Hollywood. Where, I guarantee there's as many bi celebrities as there were back in the fifties and secrets will come to light similarly in their time. I might even be the next Nicholas Ray.

 

It doesn't seem like you're fully gay. You seem to enjoy the girls you have sex with.

I'm working on coming out. I just accepted myself like two days ago. I've come out to 6 friends (3 of my best girl friends and 3 of my good guy friends), 2 guy cousins and sort of my brother. I'm waiting on my parents. My mom doesn't think bi exists, even when it's scientifically proven to be. I'm just waiting for the right moment.

 

That would be a smart idea.

 

Why would coming out shut the door to you ever getting married? Billie Jo Armstrong is bi. He's married. Robert Downey Jr. was bi throughout his twenties before getting married. A lot of bi guys are happily married. If you go to that site I pointed out to you, A LOT of the members are guys married to women. And yeah, it's hard going back to being hetero. I'm still finding my legs with others knowing I like guys too, but it does feel better than before.

Personally, I'd love a set-up of a guy and a girl. Which is gonna be even harder to come out to my parents about. Especially my grandparents, lol. "Hello nana, this is my boyfriend James and girlfriend Jennifer. We're a threesome."

- or foursome, lol, if she wants another girl involved. Yep, the reality is rather "new" - or "old" since this would be normal in ancient times.

 

Oh yeah, lots of bi people are married. And I <3 Billie Joe Armstrong and Robert Downey Jr.

OMG I WAS TOTALLY THINKING OF WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO BE IN A THREE OR FOURSOME!!! Lol. It would get pretty complicated I think. Lol.

 

The problem here is that you think that coming out is setting down your sexuality in stone. It is NOT at all. If you felt the need to come out, you could just say you're not exactly straight. Check out the Kinsey scale another person posted earlier. If you came out and said "I'm bisexual" and then realized that you're not attracted to girls as much as you thought you were, then fine, re-come out. I did it. It's doable and you'll be fine either way.

I know it's hard because not everyone understands, but the reality is, the label is much less important than your happiness. If you find a guy or girl you want to be with because you really like them, then do it! Other than that, it's not like you're a different person if you're bi or if you're gay, you're you no matter what. It sometimes just takes time to figure out what that means exactly. (*hug*)

 

To add to this, and yeah I watch a lot of LGBT media, the above reminds me of other kinds of cases as well. 'Hollyoaks' featured a straight guy that fell in love with his best friend, physically as well as emotionally. He found no other guys that he wanted to be with. Thus, he didn't label himself gay or bisexual because it was only his friend that he was attracted to. Nor curious, because he knows it as a fact. In the end, he went off to be with his friend. This actually isn't unheard of. Some gay guys fall in love with women physically and emotionally, they get happily married and remain that way. This kinda brings into question how wacky having labels is. Due to this, be with whoever you fall for whether it be man, woman, someone in-between, or donkey. Last part's a joke, btw. I'm pansexual, intimacy and the soul gets me off. Like I can "see through" people (Pisces). I also believe there are select soul mates out there for everyone and it's impossible to know what form they'll come in - man, woman, whatever - due to that, I've become open to everything.

 

That is beautiful. It's so true too.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about labels. They tend to get in the way of people loving one another.

 

I think it's all about who you fall in love with. Like everyone else has said, don't worry too much about labels. You're probably somewhere on the Kinsey scale between bisexual and gay, so any label would probably be constricting anyway. I'm somewhere around a Kinsey 5, and I originally came out as bi only to come out as gay later. I'd wait to come out until you have a better idea of whether you lean more towards guys or girls.
Good luck figuring it all out!
(*hug*)

 

I completely agree with this. If you feel like you want to come out and you're sure about it just do it. You don't have to know for certain.

When I came out to the first few people I wasn't sure and so I told them I didn't know. Then when I came out properly (to everyone) I said that "I'm not straight". They can interpret it however they want to. I also have said "I'm not that into guys" (other way round for you obv.) so you don't have to say anything directly

And I'm so glad you said that you said that! (about the threesome :L)
I thought I was really weird for even considering that...

 

You don't need to hook up with someone to figure out who you want to hook up with. Watch some porn, note who you're noticing as attractive when you're out and about. Straight people don't need to have sex to confirm that they're straight and we don't either.

If you do decide to hook up though, please be safe about it.

Good luck (*hug*)