I've already been through a lot but I just need extra support from people to push me forward. Since 8th grade rumors of me being gay were spread amongst the school making high school a sort of hell for me. During that entire time I completely denied that I was gay. I got myself a girlfriend and everything. It wasn't until senior year that I started accepting myself. And now that I have completed my first year of college in a big (gay friendly) city away from home I have opened up tremendously. All of my close friends know that I am gay and I am continually meeting more and more people from the gay community. It is wonderful and I felt liberated. Free from judgment and all worries. I even met a boy a few weeks ago who is amazing. I've never felt such a way about someone. He makes my life so much better and we want nothing more than to be the best boyfriends for each other ever. But now I am at home for the summer and he is eight hours away. I hate being home because it is where everyone ALREADY judges me for being the "gay kid". I'm so incredibly nervous to fully come out. I am nervous about how my family will respond. My father's side is incredibly catholic and mothers side is a bunch of conservative farmers. I'm so nervous about how my family will react. It makes my chest feel heavy thinking about it. I know just avoiding it will continue to torture me. And I want to come out so that I can openly have a boyfriend. I don't want to live a secretive life. I just need the strength to do it. I don't know how to even bring it up. It's not something you can just discuss casually. Any supportive words or advice would be fantastic. Everyone is beautiful and has strength, I just need to be reminded of that right now.
I'd like to start by saying congrats on becoming comfortable in who you are! It takes a while to get there, and that's an accomplishment all in itself! Nervousness, *sigh*. I hate that stuff so much, it makes doing ANYTHING worthwhile so much more difficult than it should be! Sadly, it tends to stay there even if there's no reason for it, so I'm sorry about that. Are your Mother and Father openly open to the idea of LGBT sexualities? If so, I have to say they probably won't get on your case about it, so be encouraged in that case! If not, I don't know how they will react, and there's not really a way to know. They are your parents, they've supported you and loved you for the past 19 years, right? Hopefully that's enough for them to realize that you are more than your sexuality, even if they don't accept it initially or ever. I hope they take it well! As far as actually coming out, it is definitely something that cannot be discussed casually. There are ways to segue discussions in that direction, but I don't think that usually happens. Depending on how your parents do things, you might want to look into telling only one of them at a time. With my parents that's what I did, and so far that's helped. Of course, it might be easier just to come out to both of them at the same time. Or, another option you have is not telling them face-to-face. Notes are a fantastic way to tell important people in your life, as they allow you to put all of your emotions in a fixed state so you don't make a slip-up while telling them. They also allow your parents time to figure out how to respond, so they aren't acting in the spur-of-the-moment emotions and feelings they have. You can do it! It's tough, but it's totally worth it, as you already have felt with your friends at school! Good luck, and keep us posted!
Thank you My parents are the most loving people in the world. They do so much for me and love me a lot. So I am probably just over thinking their reaction. Not so sure about my extended family...but that's later I suppose. I was considering telling them individually because I don't know if I'd be able to handle seeing both of their reactions at once. They don't seem particularly open to it, but they care about me a lot so hopefully that would overshadow things. I'm just sick of the moments where I want to scream out. When my family interrogates why I don't have a girlfriend and such. Finally meeting a boy that I really connect with really made me feel more passionate about doing this. Before I going back and forth between denial. For the past eight years I was told by peers gay is bad. People left me, judged me, did awful things. It's hard to break from that mold of lack of identity. But I need to do it. Since I was young I can remember checking out other guys and just playing it off as completely normal. It's been a real trip. And I know it is time to go beyond telling my close friends and let my family know so that I can be truly happy in every respect not feeling like I have to hide myself.
You never know how strong you can be until you HAVE to be. You could draw strength from knowing you'll be going back to that friendly place after the Summer. Hopefully the idiots you went to high school with have grown up, but if they haven't free to not deal with them. Remind them that high school is over and actting like child isn't "cool" anymore. As far as family goes, well once you graduate you don't have to visit them anymore, so if they act like asses then tell them you won't come home next Summer. You're gay and actting like a damn fool won't change you are, but it WILL change your attitude toward them. good luck out there
I know what you mean. When my grandparents etc. start asking "do you have a boyfriend" questions I do exactly that; I yell and scream "I'm f***ing gay!" (in my head...) and then I laugh (also in my head) and have to try really hard not to actually laugh because I think what would happen and the look on their faces if I actually did yell it at them (I'm normally a very quiet person, and I guess they might be a little shocked at the gay bit to :L). When I come out to my parents (far in the future for me) my plan is to just assume they already know and introduce them to my girlfriend pretending it's completely normal - like other people have said on this site, if straight people don't have to come out, why should we? Good luck on whatever you decide to do
Thank you to all of you who responded! I came out and my parents didn't even seem affected by it at all! They both took it great!
Wow! You've come out to them?!? That's awesome! Congratulations. I think we all brace ourselves for the worst and the worst seldom happens. Way to go!
