A few weeks ago, I decided to join an online dating site. But after two weeks I started having second thoughts about it as the only people who seemed to be interested in contacting me were in their late 40s or early 50s. It became even worse when a straight guy sent me a message inquiring as to whether or not I would be into having an intimate encounter with him. My response to him pretty much summed up as to how I started feeling about that site. However, a couple of days ago someone contacted me and I decided to give it another try. So far so good! We seem to have some common ground and from what I have gathered so far, he seems to be an interesting person. I guess the only 'little' thing that has started bothering me is that he has a grammatically correct and spelling free profile, however his messages are riddled with typos and incomplete sentences. We had bit of a miscommunication and he kinda already asked me if I wanted to meet up for coffee to which I replied that I would like to keep talking for a bit longer before meeting him. At least I know he is willing to get together for a coffee. Given that this is my first experience with this sort of thing, and it is probably a stupid question, but is there something I should be looking out for when chatting with him? I never had a problem with chatting online and making (some pretty good) friends through that, but this just seems to be in a different 'league,' and makes me actually nervous and a bit unsure. Any advice would be appreciated.
I wouldn't worry too much about the grammar discrepancy. People proof read the profile statements but not necessarilly their messages. It sounds like you're taking the smart approach by chatting for a while first before meeting so you probably thought of this already, but keep it to public places the first couple times and let someone know where you'll be. Other than that just go with your gut...if you're uncomfortable or get creeped out there's probably a reason.
I wouldn't worry too much if I were you - don't over think it. At the same time, your 'gut' is a pretty good barameter usually. So if something doesn't seem right, then something might not be right. No harm in chatting though - or even meeting for coffee. That might allow you to determin even quicker if there is something worth pursuing, or if it's best to keep looking. Good luck either way!
I'm sorry Mirko, but the title just makes me think of Bieber *gag*. But I wish you much luck, I met my partner through online website, a bit more of an advanced one than some of the ones out there, and we've been together 9 months longest I've ever been with another guy and it's still going well.
The title makes me think of Romeo Void. Which is a lot more fitting. You're doing it right. Feel free to keep chatting. Stay friendly, stay positive, keep your expectations in check. And once you feel a bit more at ease, do go meet him for coffee. Lex
Bieber? :eek: Oh dear... Thanks guys! I will keep chatting with him for a bit longer before taking him up on his initial hint. Jim, I'll try hard not to over think it. So far, I have gone into it with 'lets see where this is going, and how he responds.'
If he is truely intrested in you, then he will continue to chat with you and not push you to meet with him. When you decide to meet him, going out for coffee is a good idea. Just relax an have fun.
EM68, I have no problem with your advice but sometimes after I've chatted the guy up a little bit I think it's harmless to meet in a public place after just a few chats. (Make sure it's a wide open space where you can be seen) I don't like over-talking to a guy online b/c then sometimes you might find all that awkward first date chit chat that leads to deeper conversation is absent.
I would not overly Worry about the spelling and Grammar too Much I mean I can not spell or use proper grammar correctly all the time but I do try to do my best. This is also going to be a different experience for you then making friends online because you are trying to find a relationship with someone. Give it a little more time talk to him a little more then when you are ready go do coffee with him
Thanks guys! Well, after reading his last message, I am a bit more inclined to take him up on his initial hint of meeting up for coffee. It seems that we have a few commonalities. He seems to be genuine and interested. For example, he has been quite open about where he works (including where he volunteers) and what he does than I have been. I think we could potentially have quite a nice chat/conversation.
Personally, I think talking over coffee could be quite worthwhile. You're both on there with the stated goal of dating, which kind of involves meeting up eventually. And probably you both have had similar experiences with other guys on there. Some are there only for sex, others are there only because they feel lonely and aren't interesed in following up on anything, and there's the risk that you don't feel the chemistry in real life like you feel it when chatting online. Meeting up in reality offers a way around that, as you can gauge the other party better. You can't photoshop your appearance in reality, and while you can still lie, it's harder to do in person, at least. It potentially saves a lot of time and hurt feelings if you start off with the right expectations. Also, it's human nature to yearn for the status quo. From what extremely little experience I have, it is sometimes best to go a little bit farther than you're entirely comfortable with. because only in that way can you grow. That said, don't do it if you're totally uncomfortable or having any serious doubts about the guy. And if you do it, meet in a public place at first. and make it clear that you're new to this ad aren't interested in anythin beyond coffee for the first meetup. If he's serious, he'll understand that.
Thanks Filip. Well, I messaged him, and took him up on his initial hint and yep, I have a date on Sunday! It didn't take him all that long to respond. We'll meet up for a coffee!
Thats great Mirko. About the spelling and grammatical errors, I found out on my new phone that it has intuitive typing and will try to guess what I am typing, more often then not its wrong so if i dont look over posts or texts that i do, they are filled with errors. It could be one of those situations. Have fun on Sunday.
Personally, a man that doesn't write properly and makes a lot of mistakes is a bit of a turn off but definitely not a deal breaker. Enjoy your date and keep us posted!
Well I met him for coffee. After the coffee we took a walk and even had lunch together. It was nice and I had a good time. We talked about a few things, from hobbies and interests to where we have traveled in the world to issues surrounding a healthy relationship. Before we said our goodbyes we agreed to meet-up again. I would like to meet-up again but at the same time, I don't have any feelings that would allow me to say I can see potential. Actually, I'm glad that he was the one who brought up the subject of meeting-up again. Even though I thought about asking him as well, something kept pulling me back. There were several times during the conversation where my 'good feelings' stopped being 'good feelings' and were replaced with 'not sure' to almost being indifferent. He is nice, and has certainly a funny side to him, but there are a few things that he revealed about himself, which made me a little bit uncomfortable. Of course, it didn't help that I kept making comparisons to my meet up with my friend a couple of months ago. Once we said our goodbyes I kept thinking about the connection and the great time I had with my friend and how my meet-up/date was today. I guess part of the 'problem' for me here is that the conversation didn't happen naturally in the sense that we knew as to why we are getting together and see if we click. I did sent him a brief message saying that I had a good time and would be interested in meeting up again. I guess I'll see where this is going to be leading....
Well, I do think it's not bad for a first stab at dating! Some thouhts, if you'll allow me to pick your previous post apart. Apparently you managed to avoid dead moments where you stand around scrambling for a subject to save you from the dreaded silence. And if he was totally disagreeable or in any other way entirely not your type, you would at least have noticed. If your feelings are vaccillating between "good" and "indifferent", that can mean quite some different things. On the realist side: you didn't totally fall for him at first sight. I do not consider that a bad thing. That sort of thing happens very rarely, and is no guarantee of things working out anyway. Also, I can imagine you felt obligated to get an opinion on this guy more quickly than you'd otherwise like. The "OMG I'm dating. Is this it?" feeling. Under that kind of stress, it's not hard to snap into a defesive posture where you shield off your feelings. So I wouldn't see it as too uch of a bad sign. At least he was honest about disclosing some stuff, even if they didn't please you that much. Might push him into the "friend" zone more than the "date" zone, but that's hard to say if all I know is that they made you uncomfortable. So yeah, seems like a second meet-up might be a good idea. Somewhat less stress the second time might make you better able to get a good assessment of the guy. Keep us posted!
Hey Mirko, good job getting online and going out with this guy I don't know what to make of the things that made you a bit uncomfortable w/o knowing what they were. Were they really odd habbits or beliefs? Maybe those things could be too much to really date this guy, or maybe they're not a big deal, or maybe he could be a new friend? I'm glad he asked to see you again and I hope it goes well. Let us know how it's going
Sometimes our desire to be with someone overtakes our rational thoughts and let us make some big issues into something that really doesn't matter, but will realize it later on. Just be careful and do not compromise. I am not advocating non-compromising in general, but I believe that the beginning of dating is not the time to compromise your core fundamental needs and values.
