Underage Relationship

I was in a relationship for two years with an asshole who was older than me by 7 and a half years. The guy did terrible things to me. Fortunately this was only over the internet. So get the fuck out of there before it's too late. That bastard emotionally blackmailed me, manipulated me, and did some things that can only be described as cyber-rape. the last half of 2008, all of 2009, and the first half of 2010 is nothing but a black, dark void for me. ESPECIALLY 2009.

Two years I'll never get back. Ever.

Don't make the same mistake I did.

 

I agree.

I'm not playing devil's advocate here... Honestly, there is just something about younger girls. They're hot. At the risk of painting myself as a pervert, i have to restrain myself from looking at all the scantily-clad schoolgirls if i am near a high shool of an afternoon. I live in australia where school uniforms are universal, and since i have left school i have come to realise how absurdly hot the image of a naughty nubile girl in a plaid skirt with pigtails really is (i also wonder why the fuck every school seems to have such short skirts as standard uniform). It's a really, really common fantasy.

I also know it's okay to look (kinda), okay to fantasise, but wrong to act upon, under any circumstance. I would never go there, and it's not because i'm afraid of getting caught, it's because i know that it's undeniably morally wrong. The fact that this guy either: a) lacks this moral instinct, or: b) ignores it, should be ringing alarm bells.

I tend to think that on some level (if not every level), he knows that what he is doing is wrong. If he really were that naive, he wouldn't see the need for keeping it a secret. Most men will go to a great many lengths to get sex, especially - and i hate to be crude about it, i'm sorry - especially hot schoolgirl sex.

I don't think it's cynical to suggest that that is probably what is going on here.

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However, it's alltogether possible that he really HAS never been with a girl your age before. That doesn't mean he's not an opportunist, who has sprung upon a chance to 'get there' with a schoolgirl. "After all, you only live once!"

 

Age is just a number if the two of you are happy together and love on another I say keep the relationship going and see where it takes you. I wish the two of you luck.

 

You are young. I would suggest seeing a counsellor, if you can.

Or, if not... If there is any feasible way for you to see a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist, just for one session, they will probably be able to give a very well considered, well-rounded point of view.

 

I don't know a lot about the law in America, but if the police in the UK found out about a 27 year old having a relationship like this with a 15 year old he would be in serious trouble. Like, go to jail for a long time trouble.

 

I agree with Chip. Your relationship is not a healthy one. The fact that its secret and you have been going out for several months has set off red flags for me. The fact that you have been friends for 4 years raises a question to me, where are your parents ( I hope I don't come off as harsh)? You need to end it. As hard as it may be, you need to do it. If he threatens you then you need to tell your parents or authorities.

 

Bullshit. OK, a 24 year old guy and an 18 year old girl? That's pushing it but it's all right by me IF THE OLDER ONE IS REALLY A TOTAL SWEETIE, IS VERY CUTE, AND NOT A CREEP. But seriously, this is TWELVE FUCKING YEARS APART! Not right. Not right at all.

 

I know this may sound like trivializing it but in my mind two rules apply to this situation:
* 27/2 = 18.5+7=25.5 Therefore he should date people aged 25 and up.
* You are a minor and he is 27 and therefore it is legally pedophilia for him to have a relationship with you.

I would suggest you end this relationship imediatly, before either one of you gets into serious trouble.

 

Get out of there. That's the only advice for you. Get out of that relationship now.

 

I think we should all steady on a little bit.

This is a kind of emotionally evocative issue but it is still a human issue with a human relationship. While we may have strong feelings about it, expressing them with strong and antagonistic words isn't going to help our OP.

 

I agree. Lets keep this civil.

 

Gak.

Well, depending on where you live, it's most likely illegal. If it's discovered (and chances are it will be, despite best efforts), then he faces jail time.

Secondly, if he's known you for four years, that means he met you when you were 11, and he was 23. That can't bode well for a future romantic relationship.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but what do a 27 year old and a a 15 year old (ages don't have halfs when you get over a certain age - and the law doesn't take that into account) have in common? Are you even in high school yet?

You asked how big a deal this is. On a scale of 1 to 10, about a 17.

I'm sorry, but there is no acceptable justification for this - your personal feelings aside, it's not right.

The person who said age is just a number is terribly wrong. These laws exist for a reason, and it's to protect children from predators. I'm deeply worried that this is what we have in this case.

Please, please, please make the decision to terminate this relationship, before you get hurt and he goes to prison.

 

I'd say this is a big deal (if it's in the UK, chances are it's the same in the USA, etc). Regardless of love, relationships like this can be quite damaging in both reputation and general securtiy of both individuals. You're underage and he's overage, if anyone finds out, the chances are that they will disapprove, maybe even worse results.

End this relationship now, before someone finds out and lives get worse.

 

I agree with pretty much all of the above.

This doesn't seem a wise choice.

Please, talk to the advisory staff.

 

Er, 27/2 = 13.5 + 7 = 20.5.

 

...stfu, I got my A grade maths gcse I never need to do sums again (although that was rather stupid...)

 

Well that was harsh. Only because he's a few years older, it doesn't automatically mean his only interest in her is to "use and run".
And how come he's automatically labeled as a predator because of a few years in age? Age of consent where I come from is 16, and as long as she don't have sex with him before she reaches that age, then there should be no problems at all.

Maybe we shouldn't be too quick to judge?

 

When I was fifteen, I did the same thing. And I heard all the same stuff that you guys are saying now, and I thought it was bs because I knew I was different, and it was different for me, and he wasn't like everyone else.
And you know what, when your fifteen you don't know as much as you think. He's now serving two years after they discovered he'd been distributing photos of me and several other girls over paedophile websites. Hell, i'm sixteen and in a year time i'll probably look back on my current relationship with an eighteen year old and wonder what I was thinking. I know I probably will, but I still love him so much...i really do. And at least he's not posting photos of me anywhere!
But a relationship with someone more than five years older than you, especially at our age isn't usually a good idea. Even if he's not intentionally manipulating you, I have to admit I agree with everyone else. If you decide to stay with this guy though, keep in touch here, yeah? Because if, and that's an if, something goes wrong, the people here are amazing <3
I've also learnt that when i'm told to do something, I usually go as far in the other direction as possible. Instead of doing that, could you do something moderate like, suggest to your bf that you introduce him to your family? Because that would be a good first stage in working out if you want to stay with him. Please take care of yourself, I see so much of myself in you.