Why won't she understand? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out

9th Nov 2007, 06:33 AM

I have a co-worker "Z", that can't grasp the fact that my attraction for men is not my choice.
I tried to explain it to her with even the most simple metaphores but to no avail...
She really nice and not at all homophobic, but she doesn't seem to understand.

She keeps saying that I chose to be with guys because I don't feel comfortable with girls, which is true but I didn't choose the attraction/love that I feel.
You don't choose who you love.

This all started because she said she would have felt bad if one of her daughters would have chosen homosexuality...

After 30min. and backup from another co-worker "C", still no change.

Is there anyway I could make her understand thats it's a fact, not a choice?
I've tried everything and I usually get people to at least understand my point of view, even if they disagree with it.

Or maybe she can't choose what she truely believes...

**Jim1454** · 9th Nov 2007, 07:18 AM

I'd give up. If she isn't offensive, then just leave it.

9th Nov 2007, 07:20 AM

well aslong as shes fine with it and doesnt keep saying its your choice to be gay then that should be fine but if she does keep saying its ur choice and u can change then just tell her that your attraction to men is exactly the same as her attraction to men, your brains work in similar ways when it comes to love and who you want to love, its not a decision that you have made but one that has been made for you and you cant change that.

beckyg · 9th Nov 2007, 08:01 AM

Ask her when she chose to be straight. Afterall, if you chose to be gay she certainly chose to be straight.

**Jim1454** · 9th Nov 2007, 08:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beckyg

Ask her when she chose to be straight. Afterall, if you chose to be gay she certainly chose to be straight.

Good point!

Bryan · 9th Nov 2007, 02:06 PM

Honestly, I would ask her if anyone would really choose to be gay. It is much harder, with coming out and discrimination. I think that no one would have to through that if they could avoid that.

9th Nov 2007, 02:15 PM

Trust me, there are just some people who will NEVER change their opinions on homosexuality. I had the same problem, a close friend who wasn't really a homophobe, but just was hell bent on believing that homosexuality was a choice. There was nothing you could do or say to change her viewpoint. Just accept it and move on.

SpikySpice · 9th Nov 2007, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beckyg

Ask her when she chose to be straight. Afterall, if you chose to be gay she certainly chose to be straight.

Lol, it's funny that it's true, you should ask her this, to see if she can explain it

And it's true that in your life , there can be many peopel who wont ever ever ever change their minds, and that is a little bit annoying for some reasons

CrimsonThunder · 9th Nov 2007, 09:34 PM

Just show her the American Dad episode on homosexuality.

Here's its Wiki page. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lincoln_Lover

JeremyB · 9th Nov 2007, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beckyg

Ask her when she chose to be straight. Afterall, if you chose to be gay she certainly chose to be straight.

Haha, that's how I explain it to people all the time when they ask.

Nicknikko · 9th Nov 2007, 09:54 PM

well but i feel i sorta chose to be gay... because i never felt attraction to boys until some time ago when "something" happened.. then i started to have this feelings toward boys.... so idk

Dizzy · 10th Nov 2007, 03:29 AM

Heh this just made me have a thought... the people who think its a choice could well be Bi, and hence HAVE made a choice... hence they assume you have done the same.

Just a thought!

Dizzy

10th Nov 2007, 04:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jim1454

I'd give up. If she isn't offensive, then just leave it.

I guess I will...

Quote:

Originally Posted by drazarian

well aslong as shes fine with it and doesnt keep saying its your choice to be gay then that should be fine but if she does keep saying its ur choice and u can change then just tell her that your attraction to men is exactly the same as her attraction to men, your brains work in similar ways when it comes to love and who you want to love, its not a decision that you have made but one that has been made for you and you cant change that.

I've tried that, I don't think she really understood.

Quote:

Originally Posted by beckyg

Ask her when she chose to be straight. Afterall, if you chose to be gay she certainly chose to be straight.

Tried that too, she chose to like men because she likes men

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bryan

Honestly, I would ask her if anyone would really choose to be gay. It is much harder, with coming out and discrimination. I think that no one would have to through that if they could avoid that.

And again, it's still my choice...

Quote:

Originally Posted by MAbrtdFts

Trust me, there are just some people who will NEVER change their opinions on homosexuality. I had the same problem, a close friend who wasn't really a homophobe, but just was hell bent on believing that homosexuality was a choice. There was nothing you could do or say to change her viewpoint. Just accept it and move on.

You've just described Z, it's a shame because all I wanted was for her to understand a little better something she knows nothing about.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrimsonThunder

Just show her the American Dad episode on homosexuality.

Here's its Wiki page. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lincoln_Lover

We live in France and she comes from Portugal

She does lack some brain power (not to be mean) so I don't think she'll ever grasp that fact. Yes, I've told her it's a fact, not a choice too...

Oh well, thanks everybody

I may try to make her understand next time it comes up.

9th Nov 2007, 06:33 AM	#1
JSG Guest Posts: n/a Tournaments Won: 15	Why won't she understand? I have a co-worker "Z", that can't grasp the fact that my attraction for men is not my choice. I tried to explain it to her with even the most simple metaphores but to no avail... She really nice and not at all homophobic, but she doesn't seem to understand. She keeps saying that I chose to be with guys because I don't feel comfortable with girls, which is true but I didn't choose the attraction/love that I feel. You don't choose who you love. This all started because she said she would have felt bad if one of her daughters would have chosen homosexuality... After 30min. and backup from another co-worker "C", still no change. Is there anyway I could make her understand thats it's a fact, not a choice? I've tried everything and I usually get people to at least understand my point of view, even if they disagree with it. Or maybe she can't choose what she truely believes...

9th Nov 2007, 07:18 AM	#2
Jim1454 EC 'Dad' EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Toronto Age: 42 Posts: 7,977 Join Date: Mar 2007	Re: Why won't she understand? I'd give up. If she isn't offensive, then just leave it. __________________ Jim "It is never too late to be what you might have been."

9th Nov 2007, 07:20 AM	#3
Tom Guest Posts: n/a Tournaments Won: 15	Re: Why won't she understand? well aslong as shes fine with it and doesnt keep saying its your choice to be gay then that should be fine but if she does keep saying its ur choice and u can change then just tell her that your attraction to men is exactly the same as her attraction to men, your brains work in similar ways when it comes to love and who you want to love, its not a decision that you have made but one that has been made for you and you cant change that.

9th Nov 2007, 08:01 AM	#4
beckyg PFLAG Mom Community Liaison Gender: Female Orientation: Straight Out Status: Out to everyone/Yes, parents come out too! Location: Middle of Oregon Age: 51 Posts: 7,581 Join Date: Mar 2007	Re: Why won't she understand? Ask her when she chose to be straight. Afterall, if you chose to be gay she certainly chose to be straight. __________________ "When we're free to love anyone we choose, When this worlds big enough for all different views, When we're all free to worship from our own kind of pew, Then we shall be free" ~ Garth Brooks

9th Nov 2007, 02:06 PM	#6
Bryan EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: bestfriend & parents Location: South Florida Age: 22 Posts: 529 Join Date: Aug 2007	Re: Why won't she understand? Honestly, I would ask her if anyone would really choose to be gay. It is much harder, with coming out and discrimination. I think that no one would have to through that if they could avoid that.

9th Nov 2007, 02:15 PM	#7
IHeartDisney Guest Posts: n/a Tournaments Won: 15	Re: Why won't she understand? Trust me, there are just some people who will NEVER change their opinions on homosexuality. I had the same problem, a close friend who wasn't really a homophobe, but just was hell bent on believing that homosexuality was a choice. There was nothing you could do or say to change her viewpoint. Just accept it and move on.

9th Nov 2007, 09:34 PM	#9
CrimsonThunder Seventh Son of a Seventh Son Full Member Gender: Boy Orientation: Bi Out Status: Friends, Work, Whoever knows Location: South Australian! Posts: 3,535 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: Why won't she understand? Just show her the American Dad episode on homosexuality. Here's its Wiki page. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lincoln_Lover __________________ Biggest car buff around.

9th Nov 2007, 09:54 PM	#11
Nicknikko EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: i'm gay Out Status: Pretty much everyone knows :] Age: 22 Posts: 1,152 Join Date: Aug 2007	Re: Why won't she understand? well but i feel i sorta chose to be gay... because i never felt attraction to boys until some time ago when "something" happened.. then i started to have this feelings toward boys.... so idk __________________ La musique qu'on aime nous rapproche, celle qu'on déteste aussi! Nico =]

10th Nov 2007, 03:29 AM	#12
Dizzy Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Some people Location: London Age: 22 Posts: 78 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: Why won't she understand? Heh this just made me have a thought... the people who think its a choice could well be Bi, and hence HAVE made a choice... hence they assume you have done the same. Just a thought! Dizzy

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