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Coming Out Advice A supportive place to ask for and give advice about coming out. Includes a sub-forum for posting stories about your coming out experiences.

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Old 9th Nov 2007, 06:33 AM   #1
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Default Why won't she understand?

I have a co-worker "Z", that can't grasp the fact that my attraction for men is not my choice.
I tried to explain it to her with even the most simple metaphores but to no avail...
She really nice and not at all homophobic, but she doesn't seem to understand.

She keeps saying that I chose to be with guys because I don't feel comfortable with girls, which is true but I didn't choose the attraction/love that I feel.
You don't choose who you love.

This all started because she said she would have felt bad if one of her daughters would have chosen homosexuality...

After 30min. and backup from another co-worker "C", still no change.

Is there anyway I could make her understand thats it's a fact, not a choice?
I've tried everything and I usually get people to at least understand my point of view, even if they disagree with it.

Or maybe she can't choose what she truely believes...
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Old 9th Nov 2007, 07:18 AM   #2
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Default Re: Why won't she understand?

I'd give up. If she isn't offensive, then just leave it.
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Old 9th Nov 2007, 07:20 AM   #3
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Default Re: Why won't she understand?

well aslong as shes fine with it and doesnt keep saying its your choice to be gay then that should be fine but if she does keep saying its ur choice and u can change then just tell her that your attraction to men is exactly the same as her attraction to men, your brains work in similar ways when it comes to love and who you want to love, its not a decision that you have made but one that has been made for you and you cant change that.
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Old 9th Nov 2007, 08:01 AM   #4
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Default Re: Why won't she understand?

Ask her when she chose to be straight. Afterall, if you chose to be gay she certainly chose to be straight.
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Old 9th Nov 2007, 08:20 AM   #5
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Default Re: Why won't she understand?

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Originally Posted by beckyg View Post
Ask her when she chose to be straight. Afterall, if you chose to be gay she certainly chose to be straight.
Good point!
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Old 9th Nov 2007, 02:06 PM   #6
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Default Re: Why won't she understand?

Honestly, I would ask her if anyone would really choose to be gay. It is much harder, with coming out and discrimination. I think that no one would have to through that if they could avoid that.
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Old 9th Nov 2007, 02:15 PM   #7
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Default Re: Why won't she understand?

Trust me, there are just some people who will NEVER change their opinions on homosexuality. I had the same problem, a close friend who wasn't really a homophobe, but just was hell bent on believing that homosexuality was a choice. There was nothing you could do or say to change her viewpoint. Just accept it and move on.
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Old 9th Nov 2007, 06:14 PM   #8
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Default Re: Why won't she understand?

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Originally Posted by beckyg View Post
Ask her when she chose to be straight. Afterall, if you chose to be gay she certainly chose to be straight.
Lol, it's funny that it's true, you should ask her this, to see if she can explain it

And it's true that in your life , there can be many peopel who wont ever ever ever change their minds, and that is a little bit annoying for some reasons
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Old 9th Nov 2007, 09:34 PM   #9
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Default Re: Why won't she understand?

Just show her the American Dad episode on homosexuality.

Here's its Wiki page. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lincoln_Lover
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Old 9th Nov 2007, 09:48 PM   #10
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Default Re: Why won't she understand?

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Originally Posted by beckyg View Post
Ask her when she chose to be straight. Afterall, if you chose to be gay she certainly chose to be straight.
Haha, that's how I explain it to people all the time when they ask.
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Old 9th Nov 2007, 09:54 PM   #11
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Default Re: Why won't she understand?

well but i feel i sorta chose to be gay... because i never felt attraction to boys until some time ago when "something" happened.. then i started to have this feelings toward boys.... so idk
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Old 10th Nov 2007, 03:29 AM   #12
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Default Re: Why won't she understand?

Heh this just made me have a thought... the people who think its a choice could well be Bi, and hence HAVE made a choice... hence they assume you have done the same.

Just a thought!

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Old 10th Nov 2007, 04:03 AM   #13
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Default Re: Why won't she understand?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim1454 View Post
I'd give up. If she isn't offensive, then just leave it.
I guess I will...

Quote:
Originally Posted by drazarian View Post
well aslong as shes fine with it and doesnt keep saying its your choice to be gay then that should be fine but if she does keep saying its ur choice and u can change then just tell her that your attraction to men is exactly the same as her attraction to men, your brains work in similar ways when it comes to love and who you want to love, its not a decision that you have made but one that has been made for you and you cant change that.
I've tried that, I don't think she really understood.

Quote:
Originally Posted by beckyg View Post
Ask her when she chose to be straight. Afterall, if you chose to be gay she certainly chose to be straight.
Tried that too, she chose to like men because she likes men

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bryan View Post
Honestly, I would ask her if anyone would really choose to be gay. It is much harder, with coming out and discrimination. I think that no one would have to through that if they could avoid that.
And again, it's still my choice...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MAbrtdFts View Post
Trust me, there are just some people who will NEVER change their opinions on homosexuality. I had the same problem, a close friend who wasn't really a homophobe, but just was hell bent on believing that homosexuality was a choice. There was nothing you could do or say to change her viewpoint. Just accept it and move on.
You've just described Z, it's a shame because all I wanted was for her to understand a little better something she knows nothing about.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CrimsonThunder View Post
Just show her the American Dad episode on homosexuality.

Here's its Wiki page. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lincoln_Lover
We live in France and she comes from Portugal

She does lack some brain power (not to be mean) so I don't think she'll ever grasp that fact. Yes, I've told her it's a fact, not a choice too...

Oh well, thanks everybody I may try to make her understand next time it comes up.
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