I just had one of the most incredibly stupid facebook arguments with a "friend" because he feels his life is worthless while I was trying to give him positive reinforcement. This has been going on for about a month now because we had some conversations where we talked about a lot of things and I really liked him. He then told me that he and some other guy were "texting," so I took this to mean that he was not that interested. Well I ended up finding someone else, and we are now together and in love and I'm so glad I found him. Because I found a guy I really liked and we started to become serious, I told my friend that we could no longer have those flirty conversations because I thought it would be unfair to him and my bf. We stayed friends at my request, and he ended up turning to his true nature, which is a pessimistic doom and gloom like person that at one point had me thinking he would try and kill himself. He insisted that he was not suicidal, just being factual about how the world is a horrible place and people are horrible and all that. I continued to try and be positive saying that there are a lot worse things, and that he actually has it good. Nope, none of it worked. So finally today, I decided to be totally honest with him about how I feel that his pessimistic attitude is a turnoff and that it would be hard for him to keep friends or a bf if he keeps making himself think like that. He then of all things accused me of trying to hurt him and that he never wants to hear from me again and blocked me from his facebook among a lot of other things (I mean he even accused me of being like Rush Limbaugh). So at this point I am pissed so I go to twitter and vent warning people to never become friends with a pessimistic person that refuses to see any other view point than their own. I was saying that anytime a person cant take any responsibility for at least SOME of their issues, then that is their problem. He then sends me facebook message stating that he is going to out me and that if he killed himself, that his blood would be on my hands. Now I am scared, but not because he threatened to kill himself, because honestly, I tried twice to see if that was his problem and he repeatedly said it wasnt. I gave him so much positive reinforcement that if he actually did try to kill himself, I would not feel guilty at all. I did nothing but be a good as a friend as I could. I am just scared that he might try and out me to all of my friends some type of way when I am not ready for myself to be outed, especially like that. So I guess what I'm asking is what do you guys think of this situation? Have any of you ever been in this situation? Needless to say, this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever had to deal with. Edit: That actually sounds very selfish, me caring about me being outed vs his life, but he has already messaged me saying he wont kill himself but i left him emotionally scarred, I was pretty sure that he was not serious and was trying to get me to feel sorry for him like he has done for the past month. ---------- Post added 27th May 2011 at 12:26 AM ---------- He actually just sent me another message, again threatening to out me. This is turning into a nightmare.
I consider it unlikely he's going to out you. Like the suicide threats, it's probably just an attempt to force you to do what he wants, which is giving him attention. Or to feel better about himself by embroiling you into this little drama he's cooking up. And if you go along with it, even for a bit, he'll know he has you by the proverbial balls, and will forever use it if you dare to defy him. Actually outing you, however, deprives him of his bargaining chip, as the moment he outs you, there's no way of winning your attention back. In 99% of the cases, people making threats like this won't go through with them precisely because it would deprive them of the feeling of having power over someone. So just cut him off. Block him on facebook (actually, for the time being, set it to show anything, including your friend list, to friends only), set your e-mail to send anything with his address directly to spam, bar his number from your phone. When he sees his pleas fall on deaf ears, he's far more likely to search for other people to bother and whine to than he is to make a serious effort to out you just out of spite. Assuming he outs you (somehow, that is. Does he even know any of your other friends? One more reason to block him from facebook entirely, anyway), then it's just his word against yours, really. For them it will be "random guy on the internet sas secretstachs is gay, while secretstache is explaining he had a fight with the guy and this is just his juvenile way of getting back". Awkward, but nothing you can't handle, while he's the one burning all his bridges. Truth be told, though: the fear of being outed is a horrible one. And the best way of overcoming it is by being out. So even hough this guy will almost certainly not out you, do keep woking on outing yourself!
Thank you so so much. I was going through one of the worst things I ever have. So far I have not seen anything on his fb page (even though I blocked him on mine, I have an alternate one that I never use). What he did do was force me to come out to my brother, one of the last people that was important to me that I felt i needed to tell, and my brother was really cool and had my back all the way. He actually had one of his friends message me telling me how bad of a person I am and so on. He messaged me on the original website i met him at and even though i thought i ignored him, he still sent me messages. I decided to respond back and let him know that no matter what he says, I know I was as good of a friend as I could be to him and that I am no longer worried or concerned about his threats. He said that he knew he never had a chance with me and told me that he was heart broken because I betrayed his friendship by calling him shallow. I responded back one last time and said I never betrayed his friendship, but it doesnt matter now. I told him that in that statement lies his true problem, he has issues with his own self image and is too hell bent on looking from validation from others. I told him that you have to love your own self before anyone else can love you, and until that happens you will never have the type of friendship or relationship you are so desperately seeking. I then told him that I am completely done with the situation and that I love who I am and wish nothing but the best for him and hopes he learns to love himself as well. Then I blocked him. So I hope I never hear from him again, and if he does try to out me, I am ok because I am happy with who I am. Anyone that has a problem with me being gay is not worth my time anyways. And as far as he goes, I really hope that he can find the love and attention he so desperately wants, but I doubt it, because he will constantly shoot himself in the foot just like he did with me. Thanks so much again for your response =)
