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Just came out - Facing anxiety

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by 030690, May 27, 2011.

  1. 030690

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I suddenly started having anxiety attacks and in the midst of one, I came out to my dad last night. Shortly after, I came out to my mom as well. They're the first people I have come out to, and I thought that would easy my anxiety but it still persists. It has been basically a 48 hour panic attack. Ever since I came out, I can't stop thinking about things. The future; what it can hold; if I should tell my brother, my friends, my roommates

    Due to being pretty tightly closested, I'm pretty inexperienced with dating, and that's also concerning me. I worry that I might be rejected for being inexperienced at my age (21 - which I know is still "young" but feels "late" to first be starting this), and I don't even know where to begin.

    I'm also moving to a new city soon (on Monday -- which might be a cause of the attacks), so the overall amount of life changing events is a little frightening. I've been taking some anti-anxiety pills which are helping, but I just need to get my mind onto other things so I can go back to living with a peaceful mind.

    Is this normal for just coming out? Any advice to deal with these anxieties?


    edit: I should probably add that my parents both took it well. My dad's response was "okay, so?" and my mom was mostly upset that I woke her up in the middle of the night to tell her. But I'm also worried that their initial reactions are accepting, but that might change.
     
  2. Lexington

    Full Member

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    Welcome to EC!

    I only have your post to go on, but my initial thought is that it isn't your sexuality and/or closeted status that's truly the issue here. Just as some people get depressed, and then sort of "tack" their depression onto some overreaching thing or things in their lives, some people do the same thing for anxiety. It basically sounds like you're "anxious", in sort of an overreaching way, and then finding things to tack your anxiety onto. The fact that you seem to have a list of things to be anxious about, the fact that your parents taking it well doesn't seem to have alleviated much of the anxiety, and the fact that you're in fact on anti-anxiety pills sort of confirms that idea to me. :slight_smile:

    So I can give you some rather basic advice, but know that in your current state, it probably won't be any more helpful than the traditional "you'll be fine" things you might have heard about other things you're on pins and needles about. :slight_smile:

    That said, the basic anxiety you mention is a very common one. What will people think? How do I let them know? Will they reject me? The good thing is that people nearly always react better than we think they will. That doesn't mean all friends and family members will come through with flying colors. Some may ask some asinine questions. ("Are you sure?" is a common one.) And they might need a period of time to adjust. That's fine. Remember - you've probably known you were gay for several years now, and they've had a few minutes. You probably had some asinine questions for yourself at the outset. :slight_smile: So do your best to answer whatever questions you get, give them space and time if they need it, and do your best to treat it like it's no big deal. Because, thankfully, for most people, it isn't. And they tend to take a cue from you - if you treat it like no big deal, they're more likely to treat it like it's no big deal.

    Lex