1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

So I actually came out, in complete shock & freaking out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ballin1718, May 28, 2011.

  1. ballin1718

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2011
    Messages:
    80
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I really did the unthinkable today and came out to a friend. I still feel like its a dream/nightmare that it actually happened. When I first came on this site I wasnt sure what I was, but this passed week I decided I was bi.

    At the young age of 20 I feel like it wouldnt be impossble for me to marry and love a girl, as much as a guy. So I decided to come out to my best female friend from school and one of my best friends in general.

    I txtd her while I was playing basketball at my house, then when I went to the gym. I think I partially got the courage because I was thinking about it and nervous, and I was already sweaty and amped so I needed to say it.

    Basically I txtd her telling her that it needs to be between me and her for a while, and when I first sent it to her she thought I had a life threatining illness by the way I worded it. I just blurted out in the txt that I was bi, and she didn't believe me at first she thought I was joking, but I explained how I was getting depressed and couldn't take having nobody know. She got really mad....

    JK she got really mad that I didn't tell her and that I'm keeping this from our friends at school because they would never judge me. I told her my concern about my roommates (one of them being her boyfriend) wanting to live with me, and she just got mad that I would think that they would be like that. Coming out was relieving to me but at the same time I'm starting to freak out.

    I went to my friends house today today drink a lil and blaze a lil (a secret celebration for me) and I started thinking about it and freaking out. I even txtd my friend asking if it was too late to take it back, and she obviously said yes, but reassured me to trust her and said that shed be fine if I never told another person, it wouldnt leave her lips.

    She wants me to tell people but IDK if I can. Most people say it feels like it'll be easier IDK if it will. I think I would have to tell each of my friends individually but I feel like I can't have that conversation with any of my guy friends, except the gay one and a few female friends.

    Even though I'm feeling really nervous and panicky and amped, it is a weight off my shoulders, in some weird way I do feel relieved that its out there. I kinda can't believe it I feel like I'm in a dream state.

    I'm so nervous now though because I feel like more people should know but I'm freaking out and don't know what to do. I just cant believe this is whats happening now. Should I follow up by telling more trustworthy people, or talk more to my friend?
     
  2. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    Congrats on telling her in the first place!

    I think you should talk to your friend. Tell her possibly that you want to be more comfortable with yourself before you tell other people. You shouldn't feel rushed to tell people if you aren't ready. Some people take this process really slowly.

    It makes sence that you feel relieved somewhat, you told someone how you truely felt. People don't need to know right now for any particular reason. And it doesn't have to be because you don't trust your friends, it is just because you aren't ready. It makes sense to me.

    I hope that helps! Congrats again!
     
  3. Revan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2005
    Messages:
    7,850
    Likes Received:
    34
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Congrats! I hope the coming process gets easier over time (trust me, as more know, telling more people gets a lot easier. I think only the family part is the hardest...but I'm sure that may come later, or sooner, that part is up to you :slight_smile: )
     
  4. ballin1718

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2011
    Messages:
    80
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Thanks for the advice! im gonna talk to my friend more today. I'm really nervous and I almost wanna take back coming out, but I don't I'm gonna ride this wave and see where I end up
     
  5. Ecap1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2011
    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Jersey
    Congrats bro. It only gets better from here.
     
  6. CrazyAntFarm

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2011
    Messages:
    157
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland

    You do what feels right for you, dude. I'm only out to two people in a course of about 2 years, so I'm taking things REALLY slow. I'm just not ready to come out to everyone yet. I even have an openly bisexual friend that I haven't told yet. Probably cause he's like a brother to me, and I feel like once I tell him, I would have to tell everyone else. Just telling one person was key in helping me accept it though. In time, I will be ready, and I'm sure you will, too.
     
  7. whatsnormal7

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2011
    Messages:
    69
    Likes Received:
    0
    Congratz on coming out to your friend! I think that it is normal to feel nervous about it and also you shouldnt let her pressure you into coming out to anyone else. Come out to other people when you feel ready. Once you are used to thinking that you are bi then it will be easier to imagine that other people will be ok with it. You are over the hardest part: coming to terms with it yourself. I am still in the process of doing that' you are lucky you are done with that part! Dont worry! It will get better! :icon_bigg
     
  8. JustCallMeRJ

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2011
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Portland
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    YAY!!! I'm happy that you finally came out to someone! :slight_smile: I'll be following your story to see who else you come out to! I'm rooting for you!
     
  9. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    Congrats on telling her! :slight_smile:

    I love/hate that surreal feeling that you get right after telling your first person haha

    As to whether to wait or tell someone else is completely up to you. I would say go with your gut feeling and do whatever feels right for you :slight_smile:
     
  10. bryan176

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2011
    Messages:
    130
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Boston Massachuttes
    GReat Job! I did the same thing I came out to one of my best co-workers. For some reason girls are Always a little more understanding then guys when it comes to being gay or bisexual. I do not know why they just are..