Hello there... My name is andy.. im going threw a very hard time right now... please forgive my spelling and typing.. im not feeling to well at the moment.. i have recently got devorced my marrage wasnt going very well but that is a different story... i have always been attracted to men but i come from a religious back ground so it confuses me very much... when i was married it was always hard work to be aroused by my wife.. i thought it was because my marrage was just going to bad... but anyways ive been here starting a new life away from her for maybe 3 months now.. about 2 weeks ago i tried to ''have fun'' with my first female since my ex wife- sorry im going to continue but i accidently pressed save >.< give me a few, yes im a dork! ______ anyways it didnt go very well at all.. she wanted me badly and well i wanted her to but i wasnt really turned on by her..i just couldnt get aroused not like i do when i think about being with a man... i think i just wanted to have sex but it didnt work out with her.. i couldnt... anyways she really wanted me but i ended up making some excuse to get out of it... after that i went home and just started thinking and thinking and finding things about myself that ive just only realised... the way i am.. and how im different from other men in so many different ways... ever since i was a young boy i always felt different.. i always felt like i didnt belong.. like i was living a lie and i couldnt understand why.. but as i got older in my teen years that faded for awhile.. my family and church was always telling me bad things about being gay.. so i put those thoughts in the back of my head for a long time.. but they started coming out again after being married to this woman.. im really having a hard time coping.. i dont know anyone in my area.. i dont know any other gay men.. im confused and scared and just miserable.. if someone can offer me some advice it would be great... ---------- Post added 29th May 2011 at 05:18 PM ---------- i also wanted to add.. my life is a mess right now i am in a real close relationship with a female i have been fr iends with for 2 years now.. she knows about these feelings... but im scared to hurt her.. im scared to tell her i think i might be gay... she just thinks im bi.. but the truth is i have had problems with this my whole life.. being aroused by women.. it has never really poped in my head that this could be because i am gay..
My first piece of advice is to see a therapist if you can because it sounds like you have lot on your plate to deal with right now. You seem to be very overwhelmed and I feel for you. Secondly, know that you are not alone in dealing with this kind of issue. Many of us here in this forum are dealing with the same issues on coming to terms with our own sexuality myself included. There are quite a few members here who had stories similar to yours. married to a woman but was really gay and attracted to men. They should be here soon to offer you some personal advice on this thread. They should have some good advice that would be more specific than what i can offer. Hang in there and hold your head up high.
thank you for the kind words.. i am very overwhelmed, how ever i am living on my own and i cant aford to see anyone right now... im working all the time and trying to deal with this... i recently got a promotion to supervise.. there is a lot on my plate.. i do need help.. its to bad that it costs so much in america to get help.. i kind of have my back against the wall.. because i had to start my life all over again im struggling
Hi, Andy, and welcome to EC. It seems pretty clear from what you're describing that you're gay, or at least at the gay side of the bisexual spectrum. The problem is, your comfort level with that is being affected by the strong religious upbringing you've had, and that makes it all that much harder to accept yourself because of the judgement and the fear of what your family will think and so forth. So give yourself some time. Second thing: The woman you've been close friends with... you have to tell her. The truth is the truth, and withholding it from her isn't going to make it any easier. If you reversed your roles, you wouldn't want someone to continue to lie to you just to avoid truth that will hurt. So choosing a moment of discomfort over a long term period of unhappiness and resentment for both of you is definitely the best choice. Finally, I very strongly recommend you get a copy of Joe Kort's marvelous but very poorly named book "Ten Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love". It is out of print in the regular edition, but the large print is available, and you can often find it used inexpensively at Bookfinder.com. That book is probably one of the best, if not the best, book to help you understand yourself and what you're going through. Give it time. It sounds like you've already taken some great steps for yourself... realizing your predicament and getting out of the marriage, realizing you're gay and preparing for what that means. So just know that it takes time to come to acceptance and give yourself the time to be OK with that. Hope that helps!
