Advice for Coming Out to Best Friend

if he is a true friend he won't care, just tell him when the time is right if you feel more comfortable doing it through im/ texting then do it hat way do it where you feel able to do it.

 

two days ago i came out as bi to my best female friend from college, and now I wanna tell my best friend (her boyfriend), but I feel like I won't know his reaction and I'm scared to find out. She thinks I should tell him, but its scary yaknow, especially because he is one of my roommates next year =X.

If I were you I'd tell him because I have to suck it up and do it soon lol I plan to do it through text/e-mail I feel like it would be easier, so i reccomend that. And hed probably appreciate it more if you didnt make it a production bc my friends would be more annoyed if I wasted their time giving them a whole speech, bc i know they arent homophobic.

And I'm sure your friend doesn't hate gays, and will still care about you for exactly who you are =D good luck dude!

 

I can definitely relate. Telling my best friend was the hardest. He's the most masculine guy I know. Popular throughout high school, always getting girls, on the hockey team. A real man's man. We already came from different worlds, I'm a sensitive brooding art guy. But, even admitting being bi was difficult. An older brother figure tried to explain something business related to me, he resorted to an Iron Man 2 reference that made everything make sense. When I texted my best friend, nerve wracking as hell - I told him I'm like the X-Men and always have been. He accepted me.

If both of you are into superheroes or even hero related films, I'd say go that route. Hell, I'd say this might even be beyond perfect for you given the timing. X-Men: First Class comes out this week. You could go, then afterwards discuss the various themes in the film (there's a reason why a lot of LGBT respond to this series), then lead into coming out. It might come naturally that way. Just saying you don't think you should hide who you are anymore either.

Might be hard at first, but it's more our inner psyche than anything else.

Coming out to my roommate who's moving out to LA soon was difficult as well. We roomed before, but he didn't know. I was afraid he'd become hesitant. He just joked that as long as I didn't try to sneak into his bed he was cool with it. Yep, gay or bi, we all somehow get the same sarcastic jokes thrown in. It's all cool though.

Ironically one of my other friends once made a really homophobic remark. Total republican. I was terrified to tell him. He was the last one I told. What did he say? "I guess there's no better place to be bi than LA dude, it's cool with me." Even that changes once they know someone who is.

 

Try to not over think the homophobic slurs too much. One of my best friends still says "that's so gay" and things like that every so often. While it sometimes bothers me, he is still one of the most supportive friends that I have and even has an equality sticker both on his car and on his laptop.

The point is that some people simply use homophobic slurs because they are either used to them or they don't realize what they are saying. I would guess that your friend does it for one of those reasons rather than because he truly dislikes gays that much

Good luck!

 

I totally understand your problem! Im in a similar position. I think that you should come out to your friend and if he is worth having as a friend then he will be understanding and supportive! I came out to my best friend online because I couldnt tell her face to face or on the phone. Whatever works for you!

 

If he's really your friend he'll support you no matter what. Coming out to people of the same gender can be difficult though; they have an annoying tendency to think that we have a crush on THEM simply because we're attracted to people of the same gender. So give him a little time after you come out to him; he may act different or awkward for a little while. If he really cares for you, though, he'll be supportive and understanding in the long run. Good luck!

 

^ The letter simply has to say what you want them to know about you. I always have a hard time writing things, and looking at examples always helps me think. In the resources page we have a number of coming out letters that members have wrote in the past if you want to take a look and get some ideas.

Good luck!

 

If he is a true friend he wont care. True friends stand behind each other they dont run away because of something like that. You just have to ease yourself into it. I know its scarey but in the end you will feel so relieved after doing it. It took me 3 years to tell my best friend and you know what she said to me? She said "I know, I was just waiting on you to tell me" and she is extremely religious. So you just never know how people are going to react until you actually tell them. Which is the scarey part. But if your best friend is really a friend it wont matter.

 

So here's my (newfound) take on the issue. If you have a close friend who accepts you for who they think you are (i.e. they don't know how you really identify), they aren't really accepting you for who you are. That being said, a true friend will still love you, no matter what. If they don't, they were only friends with a part of you.

Basically, I've started to ask myself, "would I rather retain a friendship where I have to hide a big part of who I am, or take a chance at (possibly) losing that to gain the fullness of a completely open friendship?" It has really helped me a lot.