Hi, All. I have a question and I'm hoping someone has been in this situation and can help. I am out to a few (a very small few) people. Some of them are other gays and one is a good friend. The problem is, when I'm with them I'm perfectly happy, but when I go home (back to my dorm) I'm miserable because the people there have no idea I'm gay. I want to tell them, but I don't think they'd like it very much. It's like, every time I walk back in my dorm, I'm walking back in the closet. And now that I know what it's like to be out (even if it's only with a few people), I don't like going back in. Any advice? One other small question. I'm wondering what it's like for people in other places. It seems like all the people I've met that are gay are all sex fiends. I'm not like that, I'm more a "have a relationship for a while, get to know you" kinda person. I feel really out of place sometimes. Anyone else feel like this? Thanks if you read all that!
So it sounds like your gay friends are not at your college? Have you checked out the groups at your school to see if their are any gay groups there? Maybe you just need to make some friends within your school who are gay. Of course, this may out you to your dorm mates. The ones who are truly your friends will be there for you and the ones who aren't, well who wants them as friends anyway! I'll let some of the others address your other question.
Thanks for the response! Actually, my gay friends are at my school, but they live on the other end of our campus. I've looked at the gay-straight alliance our campus but...well that's kinda where the second part of my post is coming from.
IWantOut, I can certainly relate to your situation. I am also only out to a few good friends and my parents and sister. I am at college and am not out to my roommate or most of the people at school except one friend. I feel the same way about having to "walk back into the closet" when I go back to my dorm. It is a very lonely feeling. I think just having one friend here on campus that knows about me has helped, so maybe you could come out to a very close friend you feel comfortable with. I understand what its like to just want to be out. Unfortunately for me (and I don't know your situation) I can't be out without getting kicked out of my school, so for my last year here, I'll keep my mouth shut and get through it. If you are still in your early years at college, and if it is safe to come out there, then maybe you could slowly come out to some people, get involved with any gay support groups on campus or in the area. The thing is, you can still live openly without being noticable (if you are not too flambouyant about it). Maybe you can say to yourself "if someone happens to ask, I wont deny it," but other than that just assume in your own mind that you are out. I do that, only, I couldn't say I was gay if someone here at school asked me, but then again they are not allowed to ask me that question. As to your other question about your gay friends seeming like sex fiends, I have found that some groups are like that. I also don't like that whole culture, I'd rather be in a relationship, get comfortable and then consider sex. You can find that, you just have to look for the right people, of course that sort of entails that you be out. I'm not sure where you are currently finding your friends, but in a gay bar might not be the best place to find people into the whole relationship thing. Try getting involved in community groups for gays. There is a group near me (I have yet to go to the meetings) that caters to 20-30 yr olds, and is a group for socializing and getting to know other gay people your age. Something like that may attract the type of people you are looking for. Well, I hope that helped in some way, if not feel free to ask more questions. As you can see I love writing!
One of the beautiful things about college is that it's a sort of time for self discovery and that sort of thing. My advice would be to come out. I am betting that it's a large enough place that most people won't care, and if the people in your building care, you don't really have to associate with them. If you don't like your building, you can always try moving to the building your friends live in. Good luck!
