I'll admit, I'm still slightly closeted. While I can now joke around with my friends about guys I like and girls I like, as well as being a "sexual deviant." Plus, my immediate family knows. I'm still leading a 'double life.' At work, because well I like some of the girls there. I like just being one of the guys, since I basically am. I'm just two-faced. But, with family? That really bugs me. My parents told me not to tell my cousins or grandparents or etc. I'm respecting their wishes, but god it's hard. They're all now blocked from my wall-posts in case I want to post anything that would even hint to me not being as straight as everyone thinks I am. My profile page hints to me being bi, but doesn't come right out and say it. And the "interested in" section is blank. Well, a little while ago lo and behold a cousin sent me a friend request. The first cousin since I completely, more or less, went "secretly" public. Bet no one that's seen my profile would read it again, why would they? But someone new? They'd read it and put all the pieces together. Probably even call my parents and ask, "is Ian gay?" (Not my real name) Since bi wouldn't immediately jump to everyone's mind. Then my extended family might find out from there. Beyond freaking out. If I give him a 'limited profile' it'll seem suspicious. If I give him full profile, who knows what will happen. My grandparents on his side are BEYOND conservative. I just hate that I have to partly live a double life, but I understand why my parents want me to for now. What would you do? What are your experiences living a double life? (gays & bis do it, albeit to different extents)
Maybe first of all: don't overanalyse other people's detective skills. Non-straights seem to adopt it as a second nature, but to my experience, if he's not suspecting anything, it's unlikely he'll put things together. Secondly, and more to the point: I'm not entirely happy about it, but yeah, I do still lead a partial double life. At work, my immediate colleagues know, and don't mind, but i still have a bit of a reluctance to tell any of the people above or below me. However, I have since found out, there's a couple of (out) gay people, and no one seems to mind. Also, my new employer (same job, same people, new ownership of the company) is big on equality and having open minorities, so I'm considering using that momentum to come out. As it stands, I'll just avoid the topic, though. And at home, I decided to stall on coming out until after my mom grows a bit more comfortable with it (or is at least able to acknowledge it. She generally just looks at the floor whenever it comes up between me and my brother within earshot of her). After two years of avoiding it to my family, and to my moms friends (some of which I know quite well myself), I'm starting to think I shuld just decide to press on and come out anyway. It might hurt my mom's feelings a bit, but it's turning every family meeting sour for me, and I do think that at 27, I'm capable of handling whatever will come ou of it. I think the double life thing worked for a bit while I was still new to being out. But it inevitably starts to grate, and when it does, it's not healthy to continue with it, even if it takes some initial awkwardness to start up the coming-out process again. To get some extra background: how long have you been out to your parents? Have you got any siblings that you're out to? Did your parents ask you to not come out now? Or to not come out ever? And would it be possible to come out to your cousins and enlist their secrecy to your grandparents, at least for the time being? Personally (even though I haven't put this in practice myself), I think the best thing is to sit down with your parents, and say that not coming out isn't working for you. That you respect their feelings, but that you feel you need to come out to be happy. And that ou're old enough to take the consequences, and any complaints your family has should be redirected to you. And then, just come out to people. Pick the ones you can trust first. There's bound to be cousins or aunts and uncles that ou can be sure will be accepting and who can keep it secret while you're coming out to other family. And once you have them, work outwards from there, so you always have at least part of the family to fall back on. Maybe this facebook cousin could be the first to do that to?
