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Told my first person. He is a little too okay with it.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by andahappynwyear, May 31, 2011.

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  1. andahappynwyear

    andahappynwyear
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    Hi all.

    So I told my first person recently, after a huge struggle in which I couldn't even tell myself. He's a straight guy and if you told me I was going to do this just 2 weeks ago, I would've called you crazy. So basically I amazed myself...well, I was drunk when I did it, so that made it easier. We had just come out of a party and I nonchalantly told him 'I'm not into girls...', after he had told me to hook up with one. He was so surprised, and thought it was a joke for a long time. But I guess he believed it after a few hours. I assured him I wasn't into him.

    Anyway, the reason I'm posting is, I've known this guy for 6 months, I work next to him, and I told him because I knew he's open minded. He was indeed totally accepting, but what's bugging me is, he hasn't talked to me about it since. It's been 2 weeks. I wanna pour my emotions out but he's not exactly the deepest guy. I want him to show any sign that he acknowledges it. I would even be happy if he called me 'fag' jokingly. Just any reaction.

    It was a bit of a relief to tell him. I feel a bit 'lighter' and more free around him, like I don't have to pretend. But I wanna let that out fully. I want him to actively talk about girls to me just so I can finally say something in response that isn't an act. Note - he rarely ever talked to me about girls before. He's a big player but he doesn't really share stories, opinions etc. about girls.

    I wanna be more open and talkative about it because it's the first time I've ever told anyone but he doesn't seem to see the importance in it, and, frankly, I'm a 22 year old masculine guy and talking about touchy-feely subjects that should really have been discussed in the hormonal teenage period is kind of weird. So, as the title says, he's a little too okay with it. I guess I was expecting (read: hoping for) it to be a big deal.
     
    #1 andahappynwyear, May 31, 2011
  2. csm123

    csm123
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    Welcome and well done,you have just had your first SUCCESFULL coming out.After working up the courage to tell him and actualy doing it,and it going well, you are now feeling a little let down because it seems to have been forgoten or swept under the carpet.Although it may not seem like it,but he is acting perfectly if nothing has changed and he has not brought it up again.

    IF you feel it would be a good thing to discuss it further,it should be pretty easy to bring it up again at an appropiate time.He may not realise what you are going through with this,afterall straight guys dont have to tell the world about their sexual orientation or have all the fear of rejection.Just be cautious if he is not comfortable talking about it or not to overload him with it on every possible occasion.Dont push him to thinking that coming out has changed you into someone he doesnt know.

    If your feeling relief from coming out to him,it may be a good idea to choose your next person to come out to,get yourself a little support network.
     
    #2 csm123, May 31, 2011
  3. Chip

    Chip
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    Hi, and first, welcome to EC! It's great that you've joined and that you're coming to terms with who you are. I hope you'll stick around and continue to visit and share in our little community.

    These days, a lot of straight people who are casual friends just take it into stride and don't give much thought to it. So it's very possible he may not really care a whole lot, and that's why he's not asking questions. But that isn't a bad thing... it means that it's a non-issue, which is really where it should be (not unlike telling someone you have blue eyes or something.)

    So... maybe it's time, with the positive response you've had, to try telling someone else :slight_smile:

    If you don't feel like you have anyone else you can talk to about it at this point, and would like to talk about the "touchy-feely" issues, feel free to message me or any of the other advisor staff, we'd be happy to discuss anything along those lines that can help you become more comfortable with yourself. :slight_smile:
     
    #3 Chip, May 31, 2011
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