1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

i despise myself :(

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Ratchet, May 31, 2011.

  1. Ratchet

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2011
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Aberdeen
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Ok this is going to be quite hard, and not going to be summed up a few sentences,


    Ive been having a lot of issues lately, with depression, and how i view myself

    in short i hate myself, i think I'm ugly, stupid, and my personality sucks, and ill never have many friends, and the few who i do have will leave me after a while, and no one will ever love me, nor do i deserve any love

    There are a few things don't help, having to hide my sexuality for years was one, which became slightly easier when i came out as being bi to my online and long distance friends a few years ago, but only came out to local friends about two years ago, and my parents a bit later, (while i was suffering badly from depression, was put on anti depressants not long after) i still have issues with my sexual identity, mostly with myself though, although im not sure how my family really view it.

    the other is not having a whole lot of confidence, to talk to people, or start conversations, im not so bad online, but in person i assume no one wants me to talk to them, or looks down on me as there too good for me to be friends with the likes of me. no one seems to want to come and talk to me anyway (if im at any social event or w/e), so i guess they would say no to me.

    I have very few friends i can go do stuff with up here, they mostly live miles away, or don't seem to care that much about me, least it feels that way.


    i constantly get told by friends i am nice, with a good personality, and good looking , but i disregard that, if i was all that i wouldn't be (effectively) alone surely

    before anyone asks, i have been to my doctor and I'm currently on antidepressants, which have helped a lot, but they just hide the symptoms really, and i still get really depressed at times, I was also seeing a councilor, but idk if that did all that much, made little difference, but no deep change in how i view myself i guess :/



    Hope this made sense, ill probably want to re write it all later as Ive missed something, or think it sounds stupid//....
     
  2. ballin1718

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2011
    Messages:
    80
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    you shouldnt be so depressed because every person on earth has insecurities. your not stupid or unnatractive or anything bad unless you view yourself that way and you shouldnt. when something bad happens to you other bad things happen to other people that they have to deal with too.

    and when it comes to hiding your sexuality, look at this website! this is a website dedicated to the thousands/millions of people who have to hide what t hey are all over the world. other people feel your pain and you have to overcome the depression and look for the good and the future (we all do!)

    you need to build up your confindence because I'm sure you have it somewhere in your body and I have faith you'll be able to. For right now everytime you feel upset or depressed think about the good and important things in your life. And on a different note, i'm sure your friends do care about you and if you really feel like they don't talk to them!

    good luck and enjoy your life man, we only get one =P
     
  3. Mogget

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2010
    Messages:
    2,397
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    New England
    When we're depressed, our minds don't accurately present information to us. We see everything through a filter. It feels as though you're being completely realistic, but in reality, the view you're getting is horribly warped. Your friends are more likely to be right about you than you are. In any case, seeing a therapist again would be a very good idea, just because the one you saw didn't work out for you doesn't mean they all won't.
     
  4. Ratchet

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2011
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Aberdeen
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    thanks, yeah.. i tend to think of the bad things, and belittle any good stuff i do, assuming that's how I'm seen by everyone

    i know its kinda cliche, and I'm not blaming it on this but i was always seen as "bad"or a waste of space when i was younger, by my parents etc, as i got into trouble at school, because i wasn't good at concentrating, and writing it wasn't until secondary school that i was later diagnosed with dyslexia.

    I actually got expelled from primary as they couldn't handle me (its possible i had adhd, it wasn't really known about then, and my brother has/had it) and was temporarily stuck in a school with "problem" children

    i never really made many friends at school either, not sure why, moving schools probably didn't help much, but i just never seemed to be able to make many, and later decisions meant i lost touch with a lot of them (i lived with my then girlfriend or about 4 years, and didn't go out much etc, i was inexperienced at relationships etc so made a mess of it)

    yeah, im not feeling as bad about myself as i was last night when i wrote it, but sell feel a little "awkward" about seeing myself as "ok" rather then someone to be looked down on
     
  5. Just Passing

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2011
    Messages:
    541
    Likes Received:
    0
    Being depressed definitely does make people feel worse about themselves and generally insecure, but it's better to try and think postively. It's a difficult thing to do sometimes, but it can be done, it just requires a bit more of an ego at times. :grin:

    But you're not alone. Pretty much everyone at some point gets depressed for whatever reason.
     
  6. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    When you were seeing a counselor, did you work on any of your issues specifically? For instance, did you work on specifically going out and meeting new people? Or being comfortable doing so? Looking for common ground and all that? Because if not, that really might be something to try. Instead of trying to find some sort of holistic reason or solution to "why you don't like yourself", it might be a good idea to work on one specific real-life issue.

    You might try working on this yourself. But rather than simply put yourself out there and hope something sticks, you might focus your attack a bit more. What's something you enjoy? Football, biking, RPG? You might look for a local group that revolves around that, and see about joining them. This gives you a common area of interest right off the bat, and you can start building your relationships based on that commonality.

    Lex
     
  7. andybaby

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 29, 2011
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    houston texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    im sorry your feeling this way.. i can relate to this i still feel like this sometimes i know its a horrible feeling! maybe you should see a doctor.. i have had to see a doctor about my depression he gave me tablets that actaully help! i know some people dont like to take medication, meds arent the only answer! you sound like you have a lot on your plate.. seeing a doctor or a counelor is a good idea! if you ever need a friend im here!

    Andy
     
  8. malachite

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2009
    Messages:
    2,769
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Orlando
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well, I'm only going to tackle the self confidence issue, since thats what I've dealt with.

    Confidence isn't something you're born with is something you build. People are going to try to tear you down to make themselves feel better.

    I too hated myself for who I was and go treated like shit by people for years.

    You need to ask why do these people leave me?
    Did you do something wrong?
    Were you not a good friend?
    Did you treat them badly?

    If the answers are no, no, and no then THEY are the assholes not you.
     
  9. thomasJ722

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2011
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hey bro, I understand how you feel. I want you to know that I will pray for your depression to get better. I also do not have many friends, and the ones I do have do not even know that I am gay yet. I guess I might be in your shoes one day...Anyways, regarding the confidence thing, I think that it may just take a little bit of practice. Maybe you should try going to random clubs (in a city relatively far away from the one you live in) and try dancing with random people. If you feel a little shy or scared because of your unconfidence, just go for it because chances are you won't see the people there ever again anyways. This helps me a lot. This actually worked for me a little bit. Don't worry about being perfect; EVERYBODY HAS SOME CONFIDENCE ISSUE OF SOME SORT...its just...a lot of people are very good at hiding it.
    Another thing you could do is join a local organization or club within the city you live (or a different city). It is a very great way to network with other people. You could also invite your existing friends to join with you; maybe that will strengthen your friendship and you will not experience that "drifting apart" thing that happens between friends. The more that you keep in contact with your friends, the better.
    You also stated the following: "no one seems to want to come and talk to me anyway (if im at any social event or w/e), so i guess they would say no to me." When you are at a social event, it helps if you confront another person for conversation instead of waiting for someone to talk to you; Who knows, the person you engage in conversation with could also be feeling that "no one seems to want to come and talk to me" feeling. Also, when you do talk to someone, keep a bright and inviting smile (people will see you as a confident person and will want to be around you), especially since we as humans generally enjoy positive people. When you talk to someone, make the conversation solely about that person (refrain from talking about yourself, and if they ask about you, keep it brief and jump right back to talking about him or her). Most humans are egocentric and love talking about themselves: use that to your advantage. :wink:. I hope this helps. I pray to God that your situation gets better. I wish happiness for you, especially since everyone deserves happiness:EVEN YOU.
     
    #9 thomasJ722, Jun 4, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2011