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Bad idea? Coming out to someone who seems annoyed about your possible homosexuality.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by highlights, Jun 1, 2011.

  1. highlights

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    So I've pretty much accepted myself as bisexual, after years of confusion (wanted to wait until I was sure). I plan on telling one of my close friends soon, I think she'll be ok with it. :slight_smile:

    But generally from now on, I've decided that if someone asks me, I'll tell them. (unless that person is the school gossip :wink:)

    So, once I 'liked' a page supporting same sex marriage rights on Facebook, and my mum saw it when I was in the room with her. She said "people will think you're gay" to which I replied "people can think whatever they want". She then looked at me and said in a annoyed tone-of-voice "you don't like girls do you?!"

    At this stage I was still very confused so I said no. She responded "Oh, good.." in the same tone. Since then she's been a lot nicer about non-straights in general.

    My question is, if this comes up again, and she's sounding annoyed at the prospect of me liking girls, should I tell her? Or should I wait for a time when she's not so annoyed?

    thanks :slight_smile:
     
  2. Just Passing

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    Re: Bad idea? Coming out to someone who seems annoyed about your possible homosexuali

    If she's mellowed her overall opinion to the Homosexual community, then there's a possible chance she'll be fine with you. If not, then it's double standards on her part.

    But perhaps it's best to wait until she's less annoyed in general. Saves clouding her judgement that way.
     
  3. highlights

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    Re: Bad idea? Coming out to someone who seems annoyed about your possible homosexuali

    Yeah she's had so many gay friends, it would be a double standard if she wasn't ok with it. She once said bisexuals were weirder than gays though :frowning2:

    I think it's probably best to work out some time when she's not annoyed with anything. :slight_smile: thanks.
     
  4. Chip

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    Re: Bad idea? Coming out to someone who seems annoyed about your possible homosexuali

    Gotta remember that while you've been dealing with it for ages, your mom might have been just considering it for the first time when you made the "like." So naturally, almost anyone's gut first response to their daughter being gay or bi is going to be negative, because it's new and foreign... and people generally fear anything that's new and unknown.

    The fact that she's changed her language probably means she's had time to think about it... and probably also that your "liking" that link, along with any other indicators she might have noticed... probably means that she's already worked it through in her own head, and likely already has an idea of what's going on. So I don't think coming out would be a big deal at all.
     
  5. highlights

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    Re: Bad idea? Coming out to someone who seems annoyed about your possible homosexuali

    Thanks, I hadn't thought about it that way, makes sense. :slight_smile: I think she has some idea, so it probably won't be too much of a shock now, as that was about a year ago.

    I might consider coming out to her soon, after my exams though in case I get a bad reaction :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: (not so sure about how to tell Dad...)

    I've been ignoring this part of myself for so long, and after 4/5ish years it didn't go away like I originally hoped it would. So at least no one can tell me it's just a phase. But now I'm closer to accepting myself for who I am and I really just want to be myself - now that I know who that is. I don't want to hide it anymore, I hate having a secret like this.

    Thanks so much for the advice :grin:
     
    #5 highlights, Jun 1, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2011
  6. Fiddledeedee

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    Re: Bad idea? Coming out to someone who seems annoyed about your possible homosexuali

    I'm lucky in that I had a very brief period of denial; once I realised I was bi the pieces just fell into place. Although I have pretty much acccepted myself I will wait a while longer before coming out, since a few months is probably not long enough for others to think it isn't just a phase. At the moment I am "sounding people out" as to how they feel about homo/bisexuality by steering the conversation in that direction and seeing their reactions. So far nearly everyone is OK with the idea, but when I come out . . . I want to tell my friends first so I will be able to fall back on them if my parents react negatively. Like you, though, if someone asks me directly I will say I am bi. I hate the idea that people don't currently like me for who I am, just who they think I am.

    Sorry, just rambling and not very helpful, but writing is my way of sorting my thoughts without getting sidetracked.
     
  7. Just Passing

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    Re: Bad idea? Coming out to someone who seems annoyed about your possible homosexuali

    I'm in the same situation.

    Had my first Gay experience at twelve (near on thirteen, but pre-teenager), denied it ever happened and thought it was just a one off. Somewhere in high school, feelings of that magnitude came back and I found myself visualising it more and more as time passed, to the point where I truly realised that I was Gay.

    Quite interesting really, but I'm hopefully at the point where I'm also approaching acceptance with myself. I feel the same way about keeping my sexuality secret, it really is an awful thing to hold after such a long time.
     
  8. highlights

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    Re: Bad idea? Coming out to someone who seems annoyed about your possible homosexuali

    I first considered that I might be bi when I was about 14, I was ok with it, but there were so many girls at school who only identified as bi to seem cool or trendy, and I didn't want to be put in that category. So i just ignored it for a few years until I realised recently that my feelings were the same and I had to deal with it. I've sort of gone through the whole denial/acceptance process again -.-

    But waiting is a good idea. That way you can tell people how long you've known and all about having to accept yourself for it, etc. They don't have much reason to say it's just a phase then. :slight_smile:

    Yeah I totally agree, it's horrible hiding something like this. I'm scared of coming out but I also want to finally be able to be myself and not be ashamed of it. :frowning2:

    I worry that when they find out, they might not like me anymore because I'm not who they thought I was. But I'm planning on telling someone tomorrow, so hopefully that goes well :grin:
     
  9. Fiddledeedee

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    Re: Bad idea? Coming out to someone who seems annoyed about your possible homosexuali

    As far as I can tell, there is only one girl at school who acts lesbian, and it is just for fun. There are other people who say "Oh yeah, I'm gay." and then make it clear that they aren't being serious. I hope that no trend for being bi developes, as it would make it hard for my friends to take me seriously, like "For once in her life, Fiddledeedee's trying to be fashionable!". This kind of makes me want to come out sooner rather than later, to prevent being caught up in a trend, and later rather than sooner as this would, as highlights said, prove it wasn't a fun phase.
    :icon_conf
     
    #9 Fiddledeedee, Jun 2, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2011
  10. highlights

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    Re: Bad idea? Coming out to someone who seems annoyed about your possible homosexuali

    Guess there's pros and cons both ways. Probably best to wait until you're comfortable with who you are and feel like coming out I guess. :slight_smile:

    I had an opportunity to tell someone yesterday but I didn't. -.- *shame*