All right, So if you've read any of my previous posts, you know that I really want to come out this summer. I recently got back from vacation, and while I'm spending more time with my friends from home I'm noticing they make a lot of homophobic remark. They even starting bashing on this one gay guy they knew at a party (and some of them knew him well). I'm now reconsidering coming out right away, and waiting for the end of the summer, just in case shit get's wack. Does anyone have close friends who are homophobic? What did you do about it? Do they treat you differently if you have come out? If they were homophobic before they knew you were gay, did they stop after they found out?
My brother was pretty big on the "faggot" jokes until I came out. At which point they stopped. If he was truly homophobic, he would've pulled away, but he didn't. Sometimes, people just need to know that gays aren't "them" - they're "us". Lex
I have one friend who's definitely not homophobic, but I get the sense that he's a little heterosexist. He's very cause-oriented and I think his life goal is to save the world. Really, really nice guy. But I don't think he's struggled a day in his life. He's a tall, white, straight, Protestant pastor's kid with a great bass voice and ridiculous cello skills who is nice to everyone and likes football as much as musical theatre and is involved in everything from student senate to students against AIDS to ballroom/swing. So yeah, basically, he fits society's image of the perfect person. Because of this, as much as he wants to help people less fortunate than he, I think he has some of that "those people are 'them,' not 'us'" that Lex is talking about. I don't know if he quite realizes that there are people in his life whom he knows intimately who need support. He's the kind of guy who makes lots of comments about "doing stuff for the ladies" and is more willing to hold a door for women than for men. He doesn't get that it's this minor stuff that really alienates the people he wants to help. I guess this is kind of a reverse homophobia/heterosexism. Normally it would be a mistaken idea that it's "us vs. them," but my friend seems to think it's "us helping them" when we all know that it's really just "everyone existing" and that's all. I know this isn't nearly as awful as overt homophobia, but it can get really bothersome. I haven't come out to him personally, but it's on my Facebook and my school friends and family know (he's a family friend), so it's possible he knows. I can't imagine him taking it badly. I really hope we get a chance to have a serious conversation about it, because I think he genuinely does want to understand, he just doesn't really know that he doesn't yet. Maybe I'm overreacting...
my best friend was REALLY homophobic, like I mean everyday he was calling me and others fags and such and such... the very second I came out to him, it was like flicking a switch, really odd, Lex is right, when people realise that gays are a "us" not a "them" they either change or run away, if they run away, don't follow.
To be honest, I would say come out to them. Give them a while to come to terms with it, and if they don't, then they may be homophobic, but they're not your friends.
people tend to make jokes when they no one around will get offended, like race joke, gay joke yada yada yada. people will stop (at least decent friends will) when you come out. If not then you're better off without them.
