Hi. My problem is that I denied being gay for several years and even had relationships with girls until I was 26. Then I realized I am gay and needed a lot of time to get comfortable, but it was ok because I lived far away from my familiy. After being with my boyfriend for some years we want to move in together. However I still haven't told anything to my parents, and when I visit them for holidays I feel like in a locked up box. I have such big worries for telling them, and our conversation never even goes in the direction of love and relationships. I am considering just sending them an email to get it over, but fear it will destroy something. HELP
I usually see them a for a long weekend at Christmas, easter, summer and some other occasions... However I always go to their place far away, they come to my place once a year max. I speak on the phone with my mom every (other) week, but we never ever speak about personal stuff... just weather and family business..
Well, is there really much to lose telling them? I mean they could take it fine, and hopefully they'd be happy to know more about their son's life and relationships and would allow you to be more open with them when you/they visit. Or they could take it badly, and so things would be awkward when you visit or communicate, but how different is that than the closed/non-emotional relationship that you have now? Remember, coming out is not for them, it is for you. So whether it's by email, phone, text or in person, the goal is the same--to be more open and willing to share what is going on and important in your life.
Send them the email. They need to know somehow and you don't see them that often. You're a grown independent man who doesnt NEED his parents for anything, so you've got nothing to lose by telling them now. I'm sure if you haven't been dating since 26 (women that is) they've probably noticed. If you tell them you're moving in with a male friend of yours at the age of 32, they'll probably already know that you're gay, so it's better to just tell them yourself. An email makes it quick and painless. Good Luck! I'm positive it will go fine!
Well, I understand the situation you are in. I'll be 30 this year and still waayyy back in the closet. Not to say I haven't been in relationships before, but I live a pretty good distance from my folks as well. Well, if you are really anxious about telling them you could play it off as a "room-mate" type situation...but that only buys a you a little time at best. If this relationship is a long lasting one, you are going to have to tell them. I wouldn't send an email though...an email is something you send all your friends when you come out. These are your parents, and I think something like this at least warrants a phone call or (depending on how far you live from them) a personal visit.
Thanks for the advice, It feels good to see that you have the same thoughts for why I should do it and move on. When it comes to the way to communicate it, I am quite sure up front talking it is just not going to happen. I feel bad about that, but at least an email give them some time to think about it before they react?
Well, I didn't really think about it from that angle...I was simply looking at it as prolonging the inevitable, because you would have to personally face them sometime about it. But, now that you mention it I can see where giving them time to digest everything before a personal conversation makes sense...i mean, a personal conversation is going to happen sooner or later. I would elude to that in your email though. But, who the hell am I giving advice of coming out to mom and dad lol...the very idea terrifies me But good luck.
Hi there! I agree with RedState that a personal conversation will happen at some point. I think writing your parents an e-mail and coming out to them that way would be a good approach. There is really no wrong or right way to come out. Take the approach with which you feel most comfortable with. In writing the e-mail, I would suggest that you just come out to them and let them know what you want and feel comfortable with your parents knowing at this stage. Let them know as to why you chose to send them the e-mail rather than talking in person. Do you have a sense as to how your parents might react or what they might say? Having an idea about that could help you in writing your e-mail in that you could speak to their potential reaction directly.
Though an email would be a very casual way of conveying your feelings, for something this important a hand written letter has the formality to gain you respect, while still containing the warmth and love of the written word
Thanks again, I am really impressed and thankful for your empathy. A friend of mine delivered a written letter in his parents mailbox, it really terrified them as the first thing that hit them wad that it had to be a suicide letter. Actually I don't fear the reaction immedeate reaction after the email, but how they will be around me in the future. My mom is so scared and irrational about bacteria and virus deseases, I am sure she will run after me with disinfectant no matter how I explain I am well and healthy.. Visiting them I live in their house as it requires a flight or eight hour drive, beeing stuck there if things get ugly scares me... But I do agree that in such a case I am adult and independant enough to just leave them alone..
Like mirko said, I would say come out however you want and feel more comfortable with. In my experience it really doesn't make huge difference at the end. The first few weeks after you come out they might react that way at first, but with time I'm pretty sure they will come around. Also, your parents might have their suspicions about you already so try not to worry too much about it. Best of luck and welcome to EC!
I think it would be best to tell them face to face however since you only see them during holidays etc that would definatly not be the best time to bring that up. I would say maybe write them an email once you send it give them a couple of days. They may take it just fine, and you never know they could already suspect and are just waiting for you to tell them. I know that sounds silly but thats what happened to me when i came out to my friends. Everyone of them told me they already knew and were waiting on me to tell them. If they dont answer your email right away give it a few days and go from there.
My feeling from the fact that you don't talk about relationships and personal things at all is that there's a good chance they've considered the fact.
