I met a guy on a dating site earlier this week and we talked for a little while. When our conversation ended I told him we should hang out sometime and he gave me his number. So come Friday I ask him to see a movie with me via text. He asked me if I was asking him out on a date and I kind of froze at that point. I responded by basically saying that I didn't know through jumbled words. He responded with a text indicating that he was a little disappointed, so I responded back basically giving in and calling it a date. We continued with planning a time and I was to pick him up (I asked him out). I paid for our tickets (we never discussed this) and I guess he liked that and decided to buy our food. Anyway, we didn't really talk much during the movie, but we did talk. After the movie we talked a little more. He talked about himself a lot, but he wasn't bragging, more like assuring me that he was a decent person. Is that a good thing? When we got back to his place, he asked me if I am a club person. I told him no and that I don't really like clubs. I'd rather spend time with a group of friends at one of their houses than be in a club. Before he got out of my car, he asked me to text him again during this coming weekend because that's when he'd be free again. So, I really like this guy. I don't know much about him and I want to take this slow and not mess it up. I've never had a boyfriend before so does anyone have any advice on how to go about this? Also, should I text him sometime during the week? If so, what should I say? I don't want to text him just to say "hi" Thanks
I'd definitely text him, don't waste your chance in getting to know him. However, you should try and get to know him morte. Can you hang out in a large group of friends sometime with him? If you want to just text him, you can ask him how he is doing and how his life is, maybe like "how was work?" I don't know if you should, but he might too. Either way I'd ask him by like thursday to see if he would want to do anything that weekend.
Hi there! Welcome to EC! It is a good thing that he didn't brag about himself but rather allowed you to get to know him. This is what you want when trying to get to know a person. The last thing you want on dates is someone bragging about their achievements or their life. Also, it is perfectly alright to be a bit nervous and it is also okay if things are a bit jumbled. I think that one of the things you want to look out for are your instincts. Try to pay attention to them at all times. If something doesn't feel right take a step back. It can be hard to do that at first but the more you try to take a step back and try to gauge as to what is really happening in front of you the easier it will become later on. It is good that you are open with him and are letting him know as to what you like doing and what not. Taking it slow is a good approach, especially if it is one of your first experiences. Taking it slow will allow you to get to know him and you are also giving yourself a chance to learn as to whether he is a fit for you. One way to determine as to whether there is potential is to think about: 'how do I feel when I am with him?'; 'Do I have a good time?'; 'Do we have some stuff in common on which we can build a conversation?' 'When I am with him, do I have any awkward or uncomfortable feelings?' The more you get to know him, the more 'answers' you will find in terms of whether or not this is meant to be. Maybe for your next get together, go for a coffee. Going for a coffee will give you a chance to talk with him for a bit longer period of time. If it goes well, maybe go for a walk, or get a bite to eat. I think texting him again during the week is good. In your text you could just say: Hi, I had a good time the last time, wondering when would you be free for a coffee? Hope this helps.
Well thing is, before we parted ways Friday night, he mentioned that he would plan something this time. So I can't really... determine whether or not he and I will hang out with a group of his friends. I think that happens with time. Again, I don't want to rush anything. I'll definitely text him closer to the weekend. Asking him how he's doing seems like a good choice of words. So I guess I'm making all the right decisions so far? To answer your questions: How do I feel about him? -I feel pretty good so far. I guess I do have this lingering thought that I might not be good enough for him though... Do I have a good time? -We had a good time. During the film we were talking back and forth, laughing at the movie and making comments. When we weren't talking, he did turn his head a few times to look at me and smile. Do we have some stuff in common on which we can build a conversation? -From our conversation on the dating site, yes, but I'm sure there's more to learn. When I am with him, do I have any awkward or uncomfortable feelings? -No, unless you count being really nervous one of them lol He mentioned that he wanted to plan something for this coming weekend, so I dunno if coffee will happen, but that's definitely a good idea. So, just in case this doesn't work out (and I hope it does), what are the red flags that I should be aware of and if it does work out, what can I do to keep him and build a strong relationship?
I would be aware of a loss of interest in general, but that is generally what people should be aware of. If you are uncomfortable with anything then that would be a red flag. But to make sure that you build a strong relationship, I'd say the #1 thing is to be yourself.
Hi there! From what you have mentioned, it seems that things are going well and you seem to be pretty comfortable around him, which is good. When he plans for meet-ups, I would suggest that you try having some input in that as well. I think it would be important that the both of you are equally involved in planning things together rather than you (for example) just reacting. If there is something he suggests, and if you feel you would like to do something else, or would like to go somewhere else, try to be open about it with him. Of course, things can also just evolve without much planning needed. I think one of the 'red flags' would be when you start losing interest or when you no longer feel a connection. You will know when you start feeling differently about seeing him or spending much time with him. As you get to know him more, you will be able to judge as to whether there is a real connection and as to whether he is your type. As you get to know someone, you will also learn what your needs are and what you are looking for in a relationship. It can very well happen that after a while you come to the realization that 'this is not what I'm looking for'. To build a strong relationship, both have to be able to grow with each other. You have to be able to trust him and also accept his faults and weaknesses. And he would have to do pretty much the same. A relationship will bring out the best and the worst in us. It also allows us to become maturer in many ways. In a relationship, not only are we learning things about the other person, but we are also learning things about ourselves. As we learn new things, a relationship can become stronger because we are making an effort to learn about the other person and try to accept and value the person for who that person is. Also, being open and honest with each other and respecting each others' boundaries and space, will also help in making a relationship stronger. Communication and talking about things, is key. But given where you are at, I wouldn't worry about looking that far down the road. Just try to enjoy each meet-up that you have with him, while listening to your instincts. Try not to get ahead of yourself, which is hard at times, especially if feelings are involved. You want to make sure that you don't miss some clues as to whether this is going to work out, along the way. Hope this helps a bit.
Since this is really early, I'll avoid giving any real input and do what he wants to do this weekend. I don't want him thinking that I'm the type of person who only wants do what I want; I'm not. Besides, I'll probably end up learning more about him that way. I'm a pretty accepting person, so I won't judge him for his faults. He told me that he likes to smoke and asked me if I was okay with it, I told him it didn't bother me at all. He said it doesn't control him. He was really trying to assure me that he was a good guy. Since both of you mentioned having a loss of interest being a red flag, are there... any factors that might lead to this? Or perhaps one of you experienced a loss of interest in the past and might know what lead to this? From my understanding (and please take no offense - it's just what I hear from others), homosexual relationships are really difficult to hold onto because guys are always looking for that "new dick" and they tend to be unfaithful. Or, like you mentioned, get tired of who they are currently with and search for someone else. Is there anyway I can help to avoid such a thing from happening. I myself know that I will be faithful and honest with whomever I am dating, I just want to do all the right things to keep the relationship strong. I know that trusting him is the first step. Should I ask about his past relationships and see what mistakes were made there in order to avoid making them? He mentioned having two ex's during conversation. Oh and he did actually text me today to say Hi lol guess he got to me first lol Sorry for keeping you guys going, I have a lot of questions and I'm sure you two don't have a lot of time. I really do appreciate your input.
