Is it possible to be gay if...

From what i've read, you are gay. I'm not much of an advice giver...i'm sure someone else will come along with a better explanation than me.

Concluded from the facts I read:
1. Haven't had a relationship with neither guys or girls.
2. Checking out guys before girls.

Even you said so yourself...you find guys more attractive...

But take it slow...

 

Hi!
First, I want to say that being gay isn't just about gay sex; its much deeper and more complex than that. So not being interested in male genitalia doesn't make you not gay (just made a triple negative sentence haha). For that reason, you don't necessarily need to "experiment" to figure it out.
Nobody can tell you what your sexuality is... its for you to figure out by looking inwards. To start, maybe ask yourself "who am I attracted to," "who do I want to be with," and "who would I feel most comfortable with emotionally?"

I found that it helped looking around EC and reading other peoples' stories... its always nice to see that other people are in the same boat and are having the same confusing thoughts haha

 

Genitalia are weird, hands down. Male and female. So it's not really surprising that you're not into them. It took me a long time to get curious about what was underneath guys' trousers. I'm into it now, but even so, I still prefer to look at faces and torsos than cocks. And I'm either indifferent to or mildly repulsed by cum depending on the day.

 

Hey,

You sound like me a few months ago. There's a lot of similarities. In fact I just made my first post a couple days ago starting with "figured out I'm gay at 26..." You'll see it down the page if you haven't looked already.

Like the others I can't tell you what you are, but I labelled myself gay before I even touched another guy. I was afraid to apply the label since I knew I would have a hard time taking it back and it would really be crossing into new territory.

I loved seeing guys shirtless and especially in their underwear with a bulge, but I never really cared to see a guy totally naked. Even when I was 15 I showered with other guys and it never did anything for me, but I still have the image etched into my mind when I saw another guy in his underwear out of bed while at cadet camp when I was 14 or so. Like Liam it took me a while to get curious too.

I also found the idea of being with a guy sexually a little repulsive. Even when I figured I was gay I thought I'd never really want to kiss another guy, but after a little porn, ok, a lot, I really got into it.

I also didn't identify with the gay community as well, but I know there are so many exceptions to the stereotypes. One thing that really changed my perception was checking out online profiles of other guys on dating sites like [removed by mod]. I was surprised to find guys that I would totally think are straight and had so much in common with me when it came to interests. And who knows, maybe some of the guys you've had crushes on could be gay.

So I don't know if I'm any help, but I definitely see parallels between what you are going through, and what I went through just last September. You at least started exploring the possibility of being gay before I did, and that is a huge step.

 

You definitely aren't straight if you're looking at guys before girls. But what I want to know is whether you're actually looking at the girls at all. Or if you are, is it because you genuinely are attracted to them or is it because you wish you were and can't admit that you aren't? I can so relate to you if that's the case, man. It's like I'm *almost* attracted to girls, but not enough to really be turned on. Take this one day at a time. It's good that you're thinking this through. It's important. And we all want you to figure it out.

 

so do you like girls at all ? you say you find guys more attractive than girls so maybe your bi , maybe your just emotionally attracted to guys .... but no matter only do what you are comfortable doing , another thing is why do labels matter ?

try talking to your gay and bi friends who know about experimenting , if you don't want to with them and if they ask why say their to close , if you want to with them ask them , or ask for a friend of theirs or something YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH !
seriously do NOT do ANYTHING you are NOT COMFORTABLE WITH
be careful with whatever you chose and i hope for the best for you .

 

Hey man,

If your questioning your sexuality don't feel pressured to put a label on who you are. It takes a long time to come to terms with yourself. It took me a couple of years to admit that I was gay, and a couple more years to decide that I am going to come out with it. While I was still figuring it out, I noticed things kind of progressing. I first realized that I liked looking at guys. Then I realized that I liked male bodies more than female bodies. The more I began exploring it, the more comfortable I became with it. It was hard to accept it, and I took hiding it a little too far. After trying sex with girls on too many occasions, I realized that it just wasn't going to work out.

And hey, I still don't find dicks attractive haha. And as far as the "gay community goes" that's just trying to identify with a stereotype. I'm an athletic guy, and don't enjoy shopping, or drama to name a few stereotypes.

I'm not saying you are gay, or your not gay. That is something you need to figure out on your own. And it takes time.

 

As far as not feeling gay because you don't "act gay" I understand I assumed I was straight for the longest time because there was nothing about that screamed gay, in fact the only thing that makes me gay is the fact that I like guys.

As I got older and wiser I found the steriotype of gay only really applied to a small portion of gay men and women.

So, don't be too quick to try and label yourself.

And I'll agree the penis is really weird looking.

 

Being gay or straight doesn't have to have anything to do with sex, actually. I'm bisexual and definitely attracted to both girls and guys. But like you, I wasn't attracted to their "genitilia" or the idea of sex. It was more their personalities that attracted them to me. I could have probably gone my entire life without ever having sex and been perfectly happy because it wasn't sex that was my goal, but relationships.

In fact, my desire for sex never happened until long after I fell in love with my current partner (a guy). Up until then I had imagined committing myself to either a girl or guy and living together but never having sex. I thought that I just didn't want sex, but what it really meant was that sex for me wasn't an option until the trust, emotional freedom, and absolute, undying commitment was already there.

Even though I still can't imagine having sex with a girl, I can imagine falling in love with one. There were several girls I could have fallen for when I was in high school and college, but since they were straight, I had to control where I let my emotions for the relationship go. I NEVER wanted to have sex with them. I know that it isn't that I will never have sex with a girl. It's just that a special kind of bond has to be there before sexual attraction mixes in with general attraction.

It's tough in a society that makes everything out to be about sex. It makes you feel like there is something wrong with you if you aren't fantasizing about sex with someone. But maybe for you sex isn't the end all and it isn't a separate entity. Maybe it's connected to something else--an expression of love or trust. Or it could be connected to a fear or mistrust. Or you may just not like sex. Not knowing you, I can't say for sure.

I still don't find anyone's genitalia particularly attractive. Like you said, it's disgusting when you really think about it. (I know that my attraction to guys and girls is roughly equal because I find them both roughly unappealing "below the belt"). But there's nothing wrong with feeling that way just because most of the people you know don't. Don't feel pressured into forcing yourself to want or have sex. The desire will come naturally if and when you're ready for it.

And the "gay-acting" culture you're talking about is far from true gay culture. Lgbt are as diverse and individualized as straight people. The media has managed to portray a very limited range of lgbt. I still have yet to find a single movie that has a bisexual character who isn't all about having sex with anything and everything. Most "lesbian" stuff is more like an invitation to a threesome for guys. And alot of the media portrayal of gay guys is very "non-masculine."

To me that just says that the vast majority of our culture is still too uncomfortable with their own sexuality that they have to portray lgbt in such a way that it doesn't "threaten" them, i.e. weak, girly guys, hot, could-be-straight girls, or girls so ugly that guys wouldn't want to sleep with them anyway so there's no threat. It's not even that the way they portray lgbt is inaccurate for all or wrong. There are people who are like that naturally, and it would be more wrong for them to be something they're not. But society thinks that by portraying stereotypes and then making those stereotypes something to be undesired, they can protect themselves from . . . their own fears. Don't let that dictate what being gay means for you. Don't feel like you have to fit the stereotypes. But also don't feel like you have to reject the stereotypes simply because they are stereotypes. Either way, it lets them win. Be yourself, and, in that way, make them confront their prejudices and stereotypes.

 

Don't worry about what description best fits you, you could just find a way of letting people know that you like men, without using either gay or bi. But do ask yourself the question, "Could I imagine myself in an emotional, romantic and sexual relationship with a girl/woman?" If the answer to that question is definitely no, then it's fair to think of yourself as gay. If you're unsure, then you could be bi.

And don't worry about anyone's bits and pieces till you get there. Ultimately, romance is the much more fulfilling part of a relationship, even though great sex does add to it.

The gay community is really what we make of it. You say you have a gay friend. Let them be your gay community. People gay to gay clubs because they like clubbing, not because they're gay.

 

It's perfectly possible to just not like the idea of sex. Romantic asexuals are people who still date, but not for sex, and can still be whatever sexuality they wat to be.
In this crazy world, anything is possible.
If I were you, I would just do what feels right. If you wanna date guys, then do, if not, don't and if you really, and whatever partner you choose should be supportive if they are righ for you
Do not feel like you have to say you are one thing or the other, because it takes a lot of self exploration. The repulsion may be to do with something deeper, for example I was disgusted by he idea of being bi for a while, if only because my parents drummed it into me that it was wrong.

Hope I said enough to help