Well, I told my friend R. She got her hair cut semishort over half term, so lots of the boys were calling her lesbian. I sat next to her in science and we talked about gay being used in a bad way when it wasn't a bad thing. In the end I managed to tell her I was bi and she said that was cool and she sort of wished she was. She's really great and accommodating. Problem is, C was on my other side and kept trying to find out what we were talking about and now is really suspicious :-/ I know her quite well but I am afraid she will tell out of absent-mindedness. I am kind of* regretting coming out to R as if I tell C I risk more people finding out before I want them to and if I don't she might find out herself or remain worried about me or pester me. I am sure of who I am but still don't want to come out of my closet too fast. I know I perhaps shouldn't have told R in the first place but I have. Should I tell C or hope she forgets? *I don't want to keep it secret and it is really relieving to tell people
I think it comes down to how soon you expect everyone to know anyway eventually. You shouldn't regret telling anyone, as long as it doesn't go horribly, as the more people you feel comfortable talking freely with the better. I would suggest that you do tell C, but do what you can to impress on her that there are people who you would like that they heard it from you directly, rather than just on the grapevine. If you don't, C might casually mention if people are chatting away, "You know fiddledeedee is a lesbian?", meaning it quite harmlessly, if you say she's absent-minded. My feeling is that now that she's suspicious, you're better off telling her.
I would tell her and maybe just say that you would prefer to tell people yourself. If she is suspicious, that might encourage her to talk more b/c she might want to get peoples opinions of if it is true. If you tell her and politely ask her to not tell anyone, I think you will have a much better shot of it not traveling through the grapevine.
I think it's boiling down to 2 questions... 1. Are you comfortable with yourself to be out? and 2. Do you want people to find out you are bi through the grapevine or would you rather tell people yourself?
If you are not ready for everyone to know yet, and you are afraid that C might tell people...then just don't tell C yet. Keep it between R and you...for now...until you are ready....
Hm, TraceElement pulls up a good point. It might be best to tell her. Otherwise, she could talk, then you're left with trying to attempt damage control. That's depending on WHAT she says. Just sit her down,tell her you are telling her as a friend & you would appreciate if she would allow you to kkeep it between the 3 of youuntil you're ready to come out. If she's a true friend, she'll respect that.
Thanks, guys . Well, C first thought that I was transgender, for some reason! I have corrected her and she is fine with it. She does understand that I want it to be kept quiet, and she will do her best; I am grateful to her. TraceElement: 1) I am comfortable with myself, but I want to wait a little before telling everyone. I am glad that I have come out to these couple people, though; their positive reactions are wonderful. 2) I would rather tell people myself face to face; I'm not sure exactly why. Thank-you for simplifying it like that!
Trust me, C will forget and stop nagging you and forget sooner or later. I have a friend who is always nagging me and Thing (another EC member who I know IRL) as to what EC is, but he only nags us when we mention in, and he basically forgets all about it otherwise. So if you're ready, tell C, but you should be alright if you aren't.
