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I'm a Coward

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MaskedPrincess, Jun 6, 2011.

  1. MaskedPrincess

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    Hello
    Sorry if any of the moderators think that I'm spamming the boards but talking to people like this is such a novelty! Basically, I've known I was a lesbian since I was 5 years old but never told anyone apart from one good friend (a gay asexual/ gender confused) and one cow of a girl by accident. It has always been the intention to come out once I finished school and I did so...the problem is that I was a coward and came out on Facebook rather than in 'real' life so now I don't know who knows or who cares. There's been no real response to the outing bar two 'likes' one guy I don't even know telling me I'm brave and a creepy stalker girl who i had previously accidentally told asking me out... Now I don't know what to do, I don't know if some of my friends are still my friends since it's only been a week and it's exam season. I haven't spoken to any of them since. Also there's this guy I've always been good friends with who thought he had a chance and now is being really standoffish... How do I tell him that I wasn't leading him on it was all a misunderstanding?

    My other problem is that over the last few months apparently out of nowhere I've started to feel really ashamed of being gay. I feel really embarrassed. I'm quite a shy person and not an*expeditionist, and I'm in half a mind to shove myself back into the closet. The only reason I came out was because of this pact with myself and because I recently became friends with a gay guy and it seemed natural to talk about things...then I became frustrated because I couldn't. It would have come as a complete shock to lots of people because I'm a super Girly girl (bar make up or fashion sense) so maybe if I un out myself now it'll be okay? Also I only have one relative, my mother, and we've never spoken about sex or relationships ever (she's prudish) in fact she doesn't want me to have a partner until I'm 30...no joke...so I can't exactly talk to her... I'm so confused and never have been before... Help?!
     
  2. AtmaWeapon

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    Well, you could have a talk individually or together with some of your closest friends or the people you feel more comfortable approaching this compared to others and say what you feel. Talk to them about more or less what you have said in this thread. They're your friends and I can't guarantee anything like I control fate, but I would otherwise guarantee that they will support you and help you to realize it's okay.

    You are the same person you have been all along and you're just sharing a part of yourself that may or may not have been apparent to these people but has been there the whole time.

    I think you just need to talk about it and be clear about what's going on and how you feel because I believe what you are feeling is normal of being closeted. You've made steps to come out but it's time to talk so you know they know and know where they stand. It's going to be fine, though. Most people wouldn't care and unless they are just really homophobic, more than likely your friends will want to still be friends.
     
  3. ToTheCeilingFan

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    Hey grrrl, welcome to EC! :slight_smile:
    It sounds like things are pretty confusing for you right now; this probably sucks to hear, but you know the most about your life and thus should make the final decision. It's probably not a good idea to go back into the closet, though, since you're sure you're gay---you'll have to come back out eventually and then you might have trouble getting people to believe you (oh, she's going through a gay phase again). Don't you dare feel bad about being gay, there's nothing wrong with it and I'm sure you're beautiful (in every single way, yeah words can't bring you down...etc.). :wink:
    Do you live in an area with a prominent gay community? As amazing as Empty Closets is, it's nice to have gay friends who know what's happening in your life and know what you're going through.
    I had a similar problem with a guy -- I would't worry too much about it. I've noticed that I'm so comfortable with guys that a lot of guys think I'm flirting with them when I'm just being myself. I think that's pretty common with us lezzies. :wink: Give him some time; he may feel embarrassed or disappointed, but that's not your fault.
    Welcome to EC! And good luck figuring everything out. (*hug*)
     
  4. Prccgeek

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    hey, welcome to EC. I'm sorry your having a rough time. My advice would be to starting coming out to people individually. You can do it anyway you want: email, phone, in-person, in a letter, facebook chat, whatever works best for you. And now you have an icebreaker: "hey, did you notice any changes on my facebook page" or something like that. Sometimes having a lead-in like that can give you the push you need to actually starting talking. You can take it at any speed you want and come out to as many people as you like. You can come out to friends maybe before your mom if you feel like that would be difficult with her. Then, when you are ready to tell her, you will have a support group of people who know. Try not to go back in the closet though. You have already made such a big step. You say you are a coward, but I highly disagree. Coming out in anyway is extremely brave, even if it is on facebook. You should see that as a positive move forward and be proud of yourself. Maybe you need to take some time before you start telling people one by one and that is okay too. Or maybe you can make a deal with yourself saying, I am not ready to tell people because I don't like starting the conversation, but if someone asks me I won't deny it. That is how I came out to my first friend (and I am a girly girl too. My friend asked me as a joke!) That might not be right for you either. Coming out does require leaving your comfort zone, but you don't have to dive straight in (to the metaphorical gay pool of coming out) Do what feels right for you and be proud of what you have done so far.
     
  5. thomasJ722

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    Welcome to EC. First off, I would like to say that you are not a coward. Your coming out on facebook is just as good as comingout in really life because chances are...word will spread. What I can suggest is try contacting your closest friends individually and talking personally to each one. Good luck with exams!
     
  6. MaskedPrincess

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    Hello,
    I'm never much good at online etiquette so I'm not sure whether to quote you all individually or just kinda spurge. I've gone for the slurging option since it's easier!*

    Thank you for your kind comments, they mean so much to me. I can't really picture myself sitting people down and doing the whole 'I'm gay' speech it just seems so cringy also I don't want to make this massive big deal since then that seems to attract a reaction! I recently met this friend of a friend who is gay and has invited everyone (well 30 odd people 80% straight) to Pride in July so I suppose that's a good a time as any... I mean homophobes are exactly going to turn up are they? Or just telling people who ask- although in all my years of hinting nobodies done that...

    Although I live close to London I don't know of any Gay Youth things, although tbh I haven't looked. The whole idea of turning up to meet complete strangers who are either much younger or older than me (I'm half way between youth services and adult ones, tricky) is a terrible. And part of me thinks, so what if in gay, I don't need a special club! Then again it would be nice to meet *other people, especially now I realised I was burying my insecurities rather than not having any...

    Ps @ToTheCeilingFan * *Do you really think that about lesbians and men? I'm the total opposite! The other sex is a complete mystery to me, go no clue what they're on about...then again thats probably a malaise of being at a Girl's school for 8 years...only spoken to around half a dozen in all that time :confused:*