So I came out as Bi to my one female friend, and since then I haven't been able to say it to anyone else, literally after slowly starting my process of embracing my sexuality, I've stopped the process entirely. I just finished getting certified for lifeguarding and been spending my time doing that and now that its done I'm about to start work and I just want to move forward. I've slowed everything to the point where I haven't even posted on here just because I'm confused and STUCK lol. My friends from school are coming on wednesday (including the person I told, and my gay friend) and I wanna tell them, but my whole thing is I don't want to tell them to their face. My big thing is if I don't get the courage to tell them, I can't ever experience anything with a guy. Do I wait to tell them til after they leave (their staying til friday) or let them know before they come, but I feel like that would be awkward. And on a side note, as I've started to accept myself I'm starting to think I am way closer to gay than Bi. To be honest, the majority of the time I'l check out guys before girls, even if I bother to check out the girls. But here's the kicker, I am still sexually attracted to girls. When I'm with a girl I want to be with her and I do tend to check them out too, just less than guys. I'm all messed up I guess =P, but what would I call that? This whole world is new to me and I just want to let more people know, and even though that one person knows I feel like I just can't let it out. And just when I thought I was positive about my sexuality I'm confused again. IDK any advice is always appreciated!
Why don't you come out to your gay friend now, by email/text, before he visits. It shouldn't be too awkward with him--he will probably know exactly what you are going through and frankly he may become extra excited for his visit. And you and him (and your other friend) can have some good conversations in person later this week, which will allow you to open up and hopefully help to get you out of this 'stuck' mode.
Hi there! First off, congrats on coming out to your female friend! I agree with olides84 that if you don't feel comfortable coming out in person, you can always send an e-mail or text to your friend, and come out that way. There is no right or wrong way to come out. It really depends on what you feel most comfortable with. That said, letting him know before he comes, could actually help you feeling (perhaps) a bit more relaxed when you spent time with him and it could also give you a chance to talk a bit about your feelings and get some feedback from him. At least, he might be willing to share his own experiences, which might help you in becoming more comfortable with yourself. Perhaps, part of your hesitancy to come out further is because of what you have mentioned: Sexualities are a funny thing. They can change over time and they are fluid. You have realized that you are attracted more to guys than girls, which it totally fine. What I would suggest is that instead of attaching a label to your sexual identity, just say, "I'm trying to figure out my sexual identity, but I know that I am more attracted towards guys than girls." Like this, you give yourself the space to explore your sexual identity further without having to wonder if you are bi, or if you are gay. Maybe give it some thought. Hope this helps a bit.
Thanks for the advice, and I want to tell my gay friend but I just get so nervous. My first friend I told, I was at the gym and just sent the txt because I was already sweaty and pumped anyway lol. But I just feel like to tell one of my guy friends, even the gay one is SO HARD TO DO even though I'm not saying the words, I'm just txting them. Ugh its so stressful, maybe I'll txt him when I'm at the gym tomorrow =P maybe I'll get the courage but I just feel so nervous!!!
^ I say go for it. Like everyone else said, there is no wrong way to come out. Specially if you are coming out to another gay person, they will definitely understand the nervous feeling that you get about it, so try to not worry about the how or when about it This can also help a lot in trying to not worry about it too much. I personally had to come up with a label and went with gay because its just easier to explain, but I also sometimes get into weird phases where I tend to be more into girls. Can't explain it really, but I decided that its just not worth worrying about it. Good luck with it coming out
You can do it! Just think about what your gay friend had to go through as well--he'll totally relate. You can even put that in the text--that you're hella nervous but he should know about that. Maybe you write the text b4 you head to the gym but don't send it. Then when you're feeling pumped, just bring it up and hit send
I like Mirko's idea. Leaving things open, it keps from having to make that decision how to label yourslf. When I was a teen I was bi, so I thought. It took awhile before I realized I wasn't attracted to guys at all. As for how to tel them, make a list of options, then choose ehich one sounds best to you. Personally, writng it has always been better then saying it.
Soo I was actually at the beach all day today and I've been helping with construction on my house and this was the first time I saw this. I didn't get a chance to txt him or anyone for that matter. Now I'm home I'm gonna try to get the courage to do it before he comes. IFFFF I don't I decided friday (when he leaves) I'm definetly going to text him right after because I'm seeing him again soon afterr. I gotta suck it up and do it eventually lol thanks for the advice =DD
I wouldnt worry about not telling people in person, I emailed, messaged and texted all of the people I told when I first started coming out, as I am awful and face to face conversations when im trying to find the courage to say things. I also wrote the text several times before sending and left it on my phone for ages before I could manage to send it but I got there in the end. As for the bi or gay thing I think its just best to go with whatever you feel comfortable with, if you feel better saying bi because thats what you said to the first friend then go for it, just because you label yourself bi doesnt mean you have to kiss or go out with a standard number of girls and guys per year to qualify for your bisexual status, you could never date a girl and still identify as bisexual. It is also the case that if you feel more comfortable identifying as gay and then 3 years down the line you fall in love with a girl its really no problem.
