Am I a virgin or not?

There are lots of "what is losing your viginity" or "what is sex" threads here on EC. The reality is, it greatly depends on how YOU count it. For example, I'd say you aren't, but only because if all lesbians discounted oral or fingering as sex then many of us have never had it and that doesn't seem to make any sense. Lots of people see it differently and consider sex to be penetration only, etc. There are many views on it and it's really up to you to make up your own mind about what sex is.

Just curious, and I don't know how to word this better, but are you asking because you're hoping you are one or because you're hoping you aren't?

 

It seems everybody has a different "line" when it comes to virginity. Mine is a bit more stringent than most. I feel if you've ever done something sexual with an attempt to reach orgasm (or an attempt to get THEM to reach orgasm), then you've had sex. And at that point, I'd say you're no longer a "virgin". You're more than welcome to get into specifics, of course, and I think it makes more sense to do so. You're welcome to say "I've never done anal", for instance, or say "I gave oral once, but never received it." I think that makes much more sense than using the "virgin" tag.

Some people tie themselves into weird linguistic knots in order to preserve the whole "virgin" idea, but it seems more than a little silly to me. Does it really make any sense for a straight couple to stick with oral and anal until the wedding, because then "she'll be a virgin when she marries"?

Lex

 

Personally, I don't like limiting my definition of sex to purely penetration. It's only one single way of getting yourself or your partner off, and claiming that it's the only "real" sex just doesn't make any sense to my mind. And going that route would lead to odd situations like married people who have oral multiple times a week still being considered virgins.

So I'm going to say that, as long as you and this friend engaged in this stuff with the intent of getting (yourself or each other) off, then it counts as sex. Which would mean that you're no longer a virgin.

Then again, virgin is only a label, and I don't put much stock in those. Like gender or sexuality, it doesn't really teach you anything about a person. I don't necessarily hold virgins to be in any way "purer" than non-virgins...


[EDIT] And while I was typing others said it the same. So the tldr of my post is: What Lex said!

 

I don't think you're lying either way, again, it really depends on how you count it! And I didn't mean to be telling you that you duplicated a thread, I was just noting that if you want to read about what other people have said about it, you can find some threads kinda like this

 

I voted yes but after reading this comment, consider me educated. Major facepalm moment there.

 

The best answer to someone asking if you're a virgin is probably "kind of". They should get the picture. ; )

 

If you are concerned about lying when people ask if you are a virgin or not, you could always choose to just explain to them that virginity is a very personal thing and everyone defines it differently so it's hard to say whether or not they would consider you a virgin.

As far as whether or not you are one, I think it's up to you to decide. If you feel you have had sex, then you're not. If you don't, then you are. Like others have mentioned, the whole I did this but I can't do this or else I won't be a virgin thing is kind of silly to me. I feel like if you have had any kind of sex you have had sex, but that's just my definition, and I understand and respect that others may have different opinions even though I might not actually be able to understand why they have that definition.

 

>>>Yeah, I totally agree. But the problem is that other people use the term "virgin" a lot.

"Are you a virgin?"
"I've had sex, but it's been a while."

Lex

 

In my book, no. But you might not go to the same library that I do.

 

I would say that if you've never been penetrated by or penetrated someone with a penis you're still a virgin.

 

the only sexual thing i have done was touch a girls boob. 'accidentally'. so i guess i lost My virginity. i'm jking.

 

Wow, what a decisive vote I voted that you are a virgin since the sex-ed show (which can be rather informative) said in a factual manner that a blowjob didn't technically lose you your virginity, and I wouldn't class short term fingering doing so either.

 

I clicked 'I don't know' because in my mind you're half a virgin

 

I think that constitutes a virgin

 

I surely hope so, because I just did similar with a friend and I want to hold on to my virginity until marriage. Personally I think the only way one loses their virginity is through vaginal intercourse.

And as much as I'd want to be honest with a future girlfriend, there's no way in hell I'd tell her I sucked & fingered a guy and he did the same to me. Nope, aside from this forum that secret is going to the grave.

---------- Post added 13th Jun 2011 at 09:11 PM ----------

BTW, a friend of mine says there are different degrees and/or types of virginity. For instance you can be a vaginal virgin, anal virgin, oral virgin, etc. As such I'm curious, as a presumed straight guy who just hasn't been able to get a gf, if I do anal with a male friend am I still a virgin? I'd at least still be a vaginal virgin, right?

 

"Virginity" is such a nebulous concept that I wouldn't even bother with it. In an age where straight vaginal sex isn't the exclusive acceptable sex act, it's virtually impossible to reach a consensus definition. Some say you had to have had vaginal sex, but not all of us are straight. Some say you had to have had anal, but not all of us want or need or maybe even should to have anal to be intimate. Some say it's simple penile penetration, but what about the lesbians? You can't win.

I use a self-defined experience gradient of sorts. At the left is never having done anything sexual and at the right is having tried everything available. You can use this five-point (zero-based) impromptu scale if you wish. I'll probably put more time into refining it and proposing it as a formal system to gauge sexual experience that works much better than simple "virginity."

0 - Never engaged in sexual activity. Never had contact with another individual's genitals. Sexual experience may consist solely of masturbation or of nothing at all.
1 - Giving or receiving manual stimulation of genitals with intent to cause orgasm.
2 - Giving or receiving manual stimulation of genitals having led to orgasm.
3 - Giving or receiving penetrative stimulation of genitals with intent to cause orgasm.
4 - Giving or receiving penetrative stimulation of genitals having led to orgasm.

 

what do u mean by that...