I've known for many years now that I am bisexual, but have only recently come out to two of my friends. Both have been very supportive. However, I am having a lot of trouble with coming out to my parents. I tried to come out to my mom back when I was in high school, but she insisted it was a phase and got really depressed, so I finally just agreed with her to make her happy again. I want to try again to come out to her, but I don't want a repeat of what happened back then. And I am terrified to come out to my dad, mainly because he is probably one of the most intolerant people I know. I would also like to come out to the rest of my family and friends, but I'm really scared of how they will react. Is there anyone who would be willing to help me deal with this? Thank you all for listening, and I'm sorry if there was a post similar to this already, I'm just really nervous. }i{ AutumnRose }i{
Hi there Autumn Rose, welcome to EC! I many of us here know exactly what you're going through. You may hear that it's perfectly natural to be nervous or afraid to come out to your parents/close friends, which is true, but that really doesn't do a whole lot to calm somebody down! The fact is, however, that this nervousness is just unavoidable until you come out to a few more people, or until you come out to that "difficult person" that everybody's afraid to tell (for you, your dad). Now, I don't have that much experience in coming out to parents, but coming out to your friends, on the other hand, that I can assist you with. You've already come out to two of your friends, but you're still nervous about telling the rest, correct? You're afraid that some of these friends don't have as good opinions about homosexuality as the friends you've already told, or you're afraid that telling them is going to change your relationship with you? Those are very common fears, and it takes quite a bit of coming out for most people to get over them. Even as I was coming out to the last few people in my life, I was still so afraid that they wouldn't believe me, that they'd stop talking to me, or that they'd never be able to look at me the same again. But these fears are very irrational. In the vast majority of cases, your friends may be shocked, but they didn't become friends with you in the first place because they thought you were heterosexual. Chances are, they'll realize that you're still you, the same you that you've always been. They've stuck by you before, and they'll continue to do so. Like I said, I don't have much experience in coming out to parents. I came out to my mother under some fairly unique circumstances, and I don't even know where my father is. My only advice is to stand your ground against your mother if she tries to convince you that you're not bisexual, and do not cave in again. If you do, it'll be very difficult to come out to her in the future. As for your father, he may be intolerant, but you are his daughter. He may require some time to get comfortable about the idea, but eventually he will accept it, because he loves you ^^ From here on out, I wish you only the best of luck. Keep strong, stand your ground, and have faith in your family and your friends' love in you.
I would be willing to assert that you might have an easier time of things this time. The reason I say this is that, according to your age, you're 25. I came out back in March (at age 25), and the thing I discovered is that at this age, people figured I knew what I was talking about because I am 25. High school to age 25 is a HUGE gulf of experience, knowledge, and emotion, and unlike last time where someone saying anything about sex or sexuality could easily be dismissed as inexperienced, age 25 is an age where people are beginning to get married or have been dating for some time, so if you come out this time around, I would bet that it would be very much more difficult to dismiss as "a phase." When you do talk to them, just be confident in yourself and firm about what you're saying. Good luck! I'm sure it'll be fine.
AutumnRose....I tend to think it might be easier this time also. You have matured and you still feel the same way. I would fine some information for her to read. PFLAG has some stuff on bisexuality that you can print off or e-mail her. www.pflag.org I don't know of any books specifically about bisexuality but I'm sure they must exist. Just do some searching. Good luck!
Thank you all so much for your kind words, and for just being here. I still haven't come out to my parents or other familia yet, but I did come out to another of my friends. That makes a total of three people for me thus far, and all three have been really supportive and understanding. As well as accepting. It means a lot to me that they took the news so well, and still love me as much as they did before. The first one I had come out to about a month ago is a friend of mine I grew up with. She's like a sister to me. We've seriously known each other for 25 years now. And I was recently given the honor of being her son's godmother. Awhile back, before I came out to anyone, I had once joked with her that if I liked girls she wouldn't be my type. To this day she still won't let me live that down. I love her dearly. My other friend that I've told, I've only known four years, but I swear we are kindred spirits. I came out to her and five seconds later she came out to me. That had actually made us laugh for some reason. ^_^ The third person I came out to yesterday is a friend I made during the 9th grade who I still talk to to this very day. She no longer lives in the same state so I had to tell her over the phone. And much like the other two, she was very accepting. For that I am so happy and relieved. So that's three down, and many more to go. And once again, thank you all for the support. (*hug*)
I , like Becky, think that it will probably go a bit easier this time round with your mum. It won't come as a complete shock to her and she will realise that it wasnt just a phase. Take a look at some of the sticky posts in the support section, these will help you understand what your mum will be going through. Yes, for some parents it is a huge shock but we do get over it. You are not responsable for your mum's happiness and you can't live your life as a lie always worrying about what her reaction will be. I am sure that your mum didn't do it on purpose but when you give into someone's way of thinking to keep them happy this is actually emotional blackmail and you mustn't give into it. If your mum takes it badly it is down to you to educate her and help her along the road to acceptance rather than taking the 'easy option' and giving in. I know what I have just said sounds really harsh, I don't mean it to be. We are here to help and support you. Loads of the people here have either come out or are in the process so everyone here can sympathize and help, I am a mum of a 17 year old boy who came out to me this summer so I have an idea of what your mum will be feeling. We mum's are very resiliant and at the end of the day just want our children to be happy and live fulfilled lives. As for your dad, well cross that bridge when you come to it. Take little baby steps, go at the speed that suits you. You are doing really well. If you want to get an insider 'mum's' view feel free to PM me anytime, I will be happy to talk with you.
