It always feels better to post on here, no matter what, so here comes my situation. I don't know if I have to courage to come out, but I think it might be my only option. Right now I am in grad school, working a full-time job, and trying to hide the fact that I am in the closet. I barely have a moment to breathe, yet every time I get a spare moment, all that I can think about is how I am never going to get the courage to leave the closet and whether any of my friends will ever accept me if I do. Sure I know that people might be suspicious that I am gay, because most of my good friends are girls, I have not had a girlfriend since high school, and I would not talk about sports if my life depended on it, but I feel as if if I ever do have the courage to come out, they are going to act shocked and will probably back away from me. I know that I might be over-reacting, but I am so busy right now with life, I just can't seem to imagine holding being gay in any longer. Yet, I know the second that I come out, life will be that much harder for me. I know that this isn't much to go on, but does anyone have any advice on my situation? Its kindof a catch 22. I have another year of being stressed holding it in, or another year of being stressed by coming out. I just feel so helpless and want to make a decision one way or another. Thanks in advance.
I think coming out in the environment of a college of a university is actually a good idea. College students/professors are more accepting because they are exposed to this sort of things more. I bet there are gay couples in your school. There are many in my school and there is even this English professor who used to be a man, then he did operation to become a woman and she is not one of the most popular professors in my college. It seems to me that being in the closet is bothering you as well, so let's take the weight off your chest by coming out. I'm sure most people won't back away from you, especially your girl friends. They might even find it 'safer' to be closer to you =) The first time coming out will be a little hard, but it'll get easier, and you'll feel more accepting of yourself once you have someone to talk to about your sexual orientation. Good luck!
Hi there! I agree with the above poster that coming out during grad school is a good idea, especially if hiding in the closet and not being able to be yourself among your new friends and fellow class mates, causes you a lot of stress. I don't think you are overreacting. Attending grad school, having a job and trying to let go of something so personal can cause a lot of stress on your body. I think coming out (at least to your friends at school) could actually help you in feeling a bit more at ease. It sounds like that you have reached a point were you probably feel comfortable enough with beginning to come out and are ready to be yourself. The first coming outs are going to be the hardest ones, but as you continue to come out and be yourself, it will become easier. Usually, grad schools and universities, tend to be accepting and supportive places. What you might want to do is to try finding out as to whether your college/university has an on-campus LGBT support/advocacy group. If it does, I think it would be a good idea if you could try joining them. Maybe try finding out when and where they meet. If you want, you could even try calling ahead and asking them a few questions about the group. You don't have to provide a name or any info about yourself (if you don't feel comfortable at this stage). But having some information on the group, might make it a bit easier on your to join them. Joining a LGBT group on campus, could give you the benefit of talking to other LGBT students who might have gone through or are going through what you are experiencing at the moment. Talking to others and sharing experiences could help you in becoming more comfortable with yourself, talking about your sexuality and the coming out process. Plus, a LGBT support group, is an integral part of your support network. Life doesn't necessarily have to be harder after you come out. Yes, new questions and worries might arise as you begin to look ahead in your coming out journey, but you will probably find that taking the first step might actually provide you with some relief and a sense of "hey, I can do this." In addition, it might also help you to stay focused and concentrated on your studies in the long run. Also, given that different sources of stresses, I would suggest maybe trying looking into seeing a counselor at your university. A counselor at the university, could also be an important part in your support network. Having someone to talk to about things and having some regular feedback might be beneficial as well. Maybe start by looking at your friends that you do have at the moment. You know them. So maybe, pick one friend to start with, who you know you can trust and know will be accepting. Take that friend aside, or maybe invite that friend for a coffee, and try coming out to her/him. Before you come out though, stand in front of a mirror and say out loud to yourself: I want to come out to my friend. While you say that and are listening to yourself, try to gauge as to how you feel. Sure, you might become nervous, but if you have an overall feeling of this is the right thing to do at this point in time and you feel good, you are probably ready to take the first step. Hope this helps a bit. (*hug*)
