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Should I care more?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by thedreamwatch, Jun 7, 2011.

  1. Should I care more than I do about coming out to my extended family? The reality is, my interested in on facebook just says "Women", I post news things about the queer community and lots of my friends are gay and do not hide it when they're on my page.

    I honestly do not care if my extended family finds out this way. I don't care if it spreads like a rumor. I just don't feel like I OWE it to them to sit them all down individually and tell them that I'm gay. Just like I didn't feel like I owed it to them to sit them all down and tell them I'm bipolar, or that I hate MU and am not going back to school there...etc. Not that it's not any of their business, but I did all my big coming outs and I feel like finding the time and opportunity to come out to them all would be more weird than just pretending like they all already know.

    Is that wrong?
     
  2. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hi there! I guess it depends on what your relationship is with your extended family.

    If you don't care as to how they find out, just let it be. Maybe you have reached a point where you just don't find it as important anymore to come out directly and just want to go with the flow as it were and are comfortable in just being open with everyone around you.

    Is it wrong? Nope! :slight_smile:
     
  3. Raeil

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    I think it's a good idea to assume that they don't know until they ask about it or until you know someone has told them, but I don't think you're wrong for not really caring if you tell them. After all, your sexuality is your business, and if you don't feel like coming out to them directly, then that is your decision and one which doesn't really affect that much. I feel I can say this because if your extended family finding out would affect things greatly, you would already have told them, or actively be keeping them from finding out.

    So, I'd say don't worry about it! You are not at fault for not caring who finds out, even if that includes your extended family.
     
  4. Robert

    Robert Guest

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    This doesnt seem a problem to me. Why does it bother you?
     
  5. I don't know why it bothers me. I guess I feel like someone might read that as me not caring all that much about my aunts uncles and cousins...but I don't know why they would feel that way about this when we all heard it through the grapevine that my cousin was pregnant, or that my other cousin was engaged. Hearing this through the grapevine would probably not be any different to them. And the only possibly homophobic person is my one grandfather, so I would just never tell him. I know no one would do that to me either. We all know what's up.

    So maybe I should just shut up and stop worrying about it?
     
  6. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    I think you have nothing to worry about you. You aren't saying that you aren't going to come out to them, but you just don't feel like saying it formally and that's more than fine! :slight_smile:

    All that matters is that you aren't hiding and evading it. If you want to come out via the grapevine then I say go for it! Nothing wrong about that :slight_smile:
     
  7. The Idiot

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    No, it's not wrong!
    I'm not sure how on earth I could assemble ALL my extended family to announce my sexuality. I think I'd need a heavymetal pa system!
    Don't worry! just make sure the people who matter most to you know first.
    Slight adjustment; if there are any family members who are fixated on you (such as nieces, nephews, second cousins, little brothers, sisters), you need to include them in the primary group. Younger people should not be excluded from 'adult' announcements.

    Most families will adjust quickly if they are truly functioning families that care about each other. Very quickly "Bob 'n' Anne" will be replaced by "Bob 'n' Steve" or whatever.
    And you can bet that the main communicators of the family (mother, sisters, aunts, grandmas) will make sure that everyone will know as they need to know, in the softest possible terms.
    I can state from experience that once you take that awful, dreaded step into the unknown . . . . it's not so bad.
    After a very short period of time, we get inviatations, cards and messages from both sides. I think honesty is the best policy. Nowadays, they know that there is no 'cure', so if they love you, they have to accept you and you partner.
    Enjoy, but be strong.