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Help?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by lorcan15, Jun 9, 2011.

  1. lorcan15

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    Hi, I'm 20 and I'm planning to come out to my parents and brothers. Yes, I have 4 brothers and we are all boys. I am 2nd to the youngest. The main thing that's holding me back on coming out is the fact that my father is a minister and is pretty active in Church but we are really not one of those families who are REALLY CONSERVATIVE Catholics but I heard 2 or 3 times about my parents' disgust on homosexuality. but that was a long time ago and they're not very vocal about it anymore. I also have a feeling that they already have a clue that I am gay, just a hunch and I'm not confident about it. ALso, there's one time that my father caught me looking at gay porn. YES, that happened and it was a nightmare I wouldn't wish that to anyone but I made a weak alibi about it and until now, I don't know if my father bought that excuse because there was no tension the morning after and we never talked about that again.

    I did some things that made my parents proud but I've also been a troublemaker but they have been so caring and sacrificed many things to make me go to college (like all of my brothers). And, of course, I don't want all those to go away if i came out. I keep praying that I hope they will still love and accept me wholeheartedly if i came out.

    Sorry for being selfish for just making a thread just for my own problem but I'm desperate right now and been searching the internet for help sites for someone like me and then i found this. I just want your reaction and advice. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.:slight_smile:
     
  2. Lexington

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    Welcome to EC! Although you can't be too far "in denial" if you're about to come out to your parents. :slight_smile:

    I also get the vague idea that your parents "know". Which is probably a good thing, since it doesn't sound like they've actively tried to steer you away. They didn't send you to "pray the gay away" camp after finding you looking at porn, for instance. They're probably just waiting to say what they already feel.

    If talking to your parents first is a daunting aspect, is there one of your brothers you feel a bit closer to? Maybe you could come out to him first, and then discuss a "plan of attack" with him? It's sometimes helpful to discuss it with somebody who knows all the players well.

    For the record, my father is Catholic and quite active in the church (although not a minister). And he took my coming out extremely well. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  3. Robert

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    I agree with Lex. I would say tell your brothers first so they can support you if your parents get all crazy about it.

    But you know your family better than we do so do whatever you think is best.

    Good luck! :slight_smile:
     
  4. Filip

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    Welcome to EC! I hope we'll be able to help you get through all of this, and provide an enjoyable place to hangout online as well! :smilewave

    I'm going to add my voice to the chorus here.
    It is quite possible your parents already know. Maybe they're not bringing it up and hoping you might yet turn straight, but the seeds of the idea were probably alreay sown by the porn discovery. Plus, if you have failed to bring up girls or girlfriends in the last twenty years, that might have been a giveaway too :wink:

    That's not a bad thing, mind! It might even mean that they're already starting to accept or getting used to the idea. Which will make your job a lot easier.

    And if they have no idea after all, then always do remember that it's quite rare for parents to completely disavow their children. They might not break out in spontaneous celebration, but they're more likely than not to accept that you're just the son they always had, but that you just gave them some extra information.

    That said, I'd also wholeheartedly suggest coming out to siblings first. While parents might hope their kids all have the wife-kids-white-picket-fence dream, siblings rarely are so invested in that idea. If you're close to one or all of them and they can keep a secret, you can gain good allies that way. You think any of them might be prime candidates for coming out to?

    And last but not least: NEVER feel sorry for posting a thread. We're a coming-out forum, so posting about your coming-out fans is not at all selfish!

    Take heart. Things will end up just fine! (*hug*)
     
  5. colmanic14

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    hmm,yea, my parents caught me doing that too with my brother, he's not out but i think he's gay..which will make this easier....of topic,i digress.
    anyways, like they said,try to tell them with a trusted friend by your side. It'll be ok. Don't ever give up hope.(*hug*)