I would like some help. I am gay. I have known for a while that I am gay. I never intend to tell my family, but I would like my best friend to know. He comes from an extremely conservative family that hates gay people. However, he is pretty leanient when it comes to gay people, but I do not know how well he will take to being best friends with a gay guy. How should I tell him? Should I tell him at all? I have wanted to tell, but, honestly, as cowardly as it sounds, I am really really scared to do so. Any help with this problem will be very much appreciated.
Don't know how much i can be but i honestly think that the best thing to do is tell him. I told my best guy friend that i was gay last night. He grew up in a conservative christian home. If you guys truly are best friends then i think it will be okay. I basically broke down at him and all he said was that he loved me and that i could call and talk to him at anytime. I understand that you are scared. It is pretty terrifying but if it goes well the friendship comes out stronger. Good luck.
I think you should tell him. People surprise you a lot of the times. Make it clear that you are still the same person. If he decides he doesn't want to be friends with you because of one part of you then you should ask yourself if he was as good of a friend as you thought. He also may just need time to get used to you being gay. The important thing is to be open and patient. Good luck!
I know where you are coming from. My best friend is very similar to yours, except that we became best friends because we both were conservative Christian's and worked at the same place for a year. Other than that we have nothing else in common (and now we have even less because I'm not Christian anymore). I couldn't come out to him yesterday, when I was intending to, but I will be shortly because I can't keep this hidden. Anyway, enough about me, it's advice time! First of all, it's completely ok to be scared about coming out. It's a part of you which you keep hidden for years (sometimes deliberately and sometimes accidentally) and revealing it feels like it should be a GIGANTIC change. The thing is, to a lot of people who already know you, being gay is going to be a small thing. They know you as "Thomas the friend" or "Thomas the guy who...", and you coming out will not suddenly change their perspective to "Thomas the GAY guy!" As far as this friend goes, I'd advise not making coming out the first thing on the agenda for the day you choose to come out. By spending time with people before you come out, you reinforce those ideas of you which are already in place, so that being gay reeeeeally doesn't change their perception. Heck, that's what I tried with my best friend, and the only reason I didn't actually come out was because there was another person there that I didn't want to come out to (he wasn't invited...) and I have to come out both as gay and atheist. Bottom line, you're fine for being nervous, and he'll very likely be fine with you being gay. Feel free to post here or on my wall if you want to talk about this more!
It's hardly cowardly to be anxious about this. The first time coming out is a lot like jumping of a cliff. Maybe everyone on here can tell you there's a safety net, but until you feel it, it does feel like a big leap of faith. That said, I think the best approach here is to make sure you come out as if it's no big deal: You like him as a friend, you feel bad about not having told him before, but you'd like him to know you're gay. The less of a fuss you're making of it, the less he's likely to make of it. It takes some practice in front of a mirror to pull off, and you might want to make sure no one's overhearing you when you tell him, but it is doable. And, of course, it doesn't hurt to stress tha you've known for a long time already. If he voices concern for being friends with a gay guy, then you can point out that he was friends with you for a long time, and that you're no more gay than you were when you first met. He might be a bit awkward at first, as revelations like these always take some time to truly sink in. But as long as you keep acting normal, he'll quickly come to see that you're just the friend he always had.
If you're happy with being gay, then the time is right to tell people. If he's your best friend, he'll love you no matter what. Being gay shouldn't change any of that. It might take him a little while to accept that the best friend he's thought of as straight for so long is actually gay but he will do eventually. A word of advice, don't try and plan their responses in your head - they never work out the way you want them to!
