Accepting myself as a lesbian hasn't been easy. I've been swimming in denial so long I would make a really awesome safari guide :lol: But now, even accepting myself for who I am, I'm terribly uncomfortable with the idea of other people finding out. I guess there are a few reasons for this: 1.) I'm a feminist. Being gay means everything I have to say about women's issues can be conveniently dismissed with two words: "Man-hating dyke." Of course, I don't hate men. But that's kinda hard to prove when I'm reinforcing the stereotype that most feminists are gay 2.) I'm a dancer. In fact, I've just been named captain of the varsity dance squad for senior year (yay!). You might think, "well, gee, aren't dancers pretty accepting of gay people?" Yes, they are. Of gay guys. But, in my experience, not so much of lesbians :bang: So, yeah, this is a problem. To add to the fun, our team handbook forbids discrimination based on race, religion, or creed. Hmm, notice anything missing there? 3.) I'm a Christian. And not just any Christian, a Calvinist! Basically, my church teaches that being gay means God hasn't selected me for salvation. And, if He ever does select me to be saved, I will magically turn straight. Fun fact: Westboro Baptist is an Ultra-Calvinist church. So, I gotta say, the closet is looking pretty good right about now :icon_sad: But there's a problem with that ... All my discomfort about the world knowing I'm a lesbian completely vanishes when I'm with my girlfriend. She's very much out and proud -- and those feelings are scary infectious! Her attitude is what pulled me out of denial in the first place. Now her damned openness and positivity are dragging me out of the closet I ONLY JUST took up residence in! When I'm with her, I wanna shout out loud: "You see this incredible young woman?! I LOVE her and she LOVES me! We're IN LOVE! Woo hoo!" Now, if I did that, I'm thinking it would be kinda bad for all those reasons I mentioned up top. At the same time, I sorta don't care ... which is a good thing, I guess. But, overall, I'm very torn. And I'm rambling and ranting. So, I'll stop now. I'm so going to regret posting all this :icon_redf But any advice or words of wisdom would be very welcome about now ...
1) Being a gay feminist can be hard. You're right that it does reinforce a stereotype, but make sure people see that you're fighting for the rights of women, not anti-men. All sorts of people are feminists, and gay women are some of those people. 2) I went through something similar in coming out to a team. Are there other captains on the team? Maybe you can talk to them and get their support or suggestions. How do you think your coach would react? Could you maybe get his/her support? Check out your school's handbook and see what that forbids discrimination of. If that includes sexual orientation, then you could make a case that your dance team's handbook also needs to include it. Teams are usually a close-knit group. They just might surprise you in their reactions. 3) I can't be much help with the religious aspect as I am not very knowledgeable about such things. As for your girlfriend, sometimes being with someone is inspiration to come out yourself. But you have to think about a few things. Is your girlfriend pressuring you to come out? It doesn't sound like it from what you wrote, but just remember that coming out should be at a time that you're comfortable and ready. Are you still dependent on your family? If so you might want to hold off for a bit until you're less dependent on them, financially and otherwise, if you think they would react poorly. In the end it comes down to what you're truly feeling. It sounds cliche, but go with your gut; there's no better guide than your instinct.
A Calvinist? Wow. As someone with quite of bit of experience with theology, please accept my heartfelt support for what you are going through.
I would understand if you were stressed of your families and best friends reaction.. But you are worried about some anti-feminist losers,dance mates & ghost stories. Don't worry of these guys.They probably wouldn't even cared about you so far as much as you care about their thoughts on you.You tell them when you are ready or they will realized it someday somehow. You are accepted yourself and you are happy with a great girl.That what matters.
Well, we are very tight. That's why I know them well enough to worry about their reaction :icon_sad: When I was a freshman, one of the cheerleaders came out as gay. To their credit, the members of her squad were super-supportive. However, it became a tradition of sorts in both JV and Varsity dance to constantly tease and harass the cheerleaders about being gay. And not in a cute way -- in a really vicious and vulgar way :bang: There's always going to be beef between cheerleaders and dancers, but it's gotten really, really nasty in my school. And the coach and junior captain don't seem to mind one bit! Don't get me wrong. The members of my squad are really amazing, terrific young women. But, being human, we all have our faults. For about 3/4 of them, including my closest friends, one of those faults is homophobia She's not pressuring me at all. But in her last relationship, her girlfriend would totally freak out about any public displays of affection. It hurt her a lot and that does kind of push me to be as out as I can comfortably and safely be. I don't think my folks will be especially pleased with the news, but they're very chill and I don't think they'd disown me or anything like that. It's really great having parents who were born in the Czech Republic :eusa_danc Anyway, thanks for the support, guys
Well im not sure I have any amazing words of wisdom but ill see what I can do. Firstly I can be tough when you fit in a stereotype you are not trying to promote but the thing is the people that disregard what you say because you are gay and a feminist would 9 times out of 10 disregard what you were saying but just use a different excuse, you cant help that there will always be people like that. The people worth talking to are the ones that will take the time to listen to what you really have to say regardless of your sex etc. I think perhaps before you tell the whole of your dance team it would be worth finding out where your school stands on homophobia as it would be a reassurance if you knew they would back you, however its still not all lost if they wont. Maybe it would be possible to tell your closest friend in the dance group to start with and she how she takes it before you jump right in and tell them all. Its really great that your parents would be ok with it. As for the church its difficult can I ask is your girlfriend at all religous? Just remember you are never alone, its awesome that you have a fantastic girlfriend to support you. Take care but live your life for you, you are who you are and shouldnt be judged on what stereotypes you fit into. You will get there.
True. I just really hate stereotypes :bang: Yeah, but if we ever want to truly achieve equality, we DO have to get through to some of the nay-sayers, y'know I'm pretty sure the school would support me. But they can't wave a magic wand and change the hearts and minds of my best friends and teammates That's what I'd like to do. My best friend has met my girlfriend a few times, but has no clue that our relationship is romantic. I'm trying to think of some super-sneaky and clever way to drop hints -- rather than just coming out and saying, "by the way, I'm a lesbian and this girl here is the love of my life!" But, then again, my body language must have betrayed me already. I'd like to think my best friend already knows, on some level, and is cool with it. Which is prolly just me being naive again :eusa_doh: She's agnostic. My church is not super-homophobic, but they don't exactly support homosexuality either. The only thing we have in common with Fred Phelps is the five points :lol: I've actually had some great talks with my pastor in the past. He's fairly open-minded, but he does believe the bible is the literal word of God (hence, homosexuality = bad). I, on the other hand, believe the bible is the work of men and cannot be taken so literally.
