Hi Guys. First of all this is my first post so I'm sorry if I have put it in the wrong place and I'm also sorry that I've just joined and end up writting this to you guys. I just have so much going round my head right now I had to find somewhere to air it I guess. Certainly, while the title of this thread says suicide, I'm not about to do anything rash or anything like that, it's just what I am thinking of and to be honest it scares the shi.. out of me. I wont bore you all with my life story but as a quick run down. I am currently 32, going Devon and dont know anyone, my mother died about 10 years ago, I dont speak to my father and my sister lives in stoke on trent over 200 miles away. I have no friends because of how far I live from anyone (or anything!) my business is struggling, my car is on the last legs (exhaust dropped off) financial worries and in all of that I feel incredably lonely, not just lonely on my own but no one to talk to, no one I can ring up and say man, this shit is happening to me or do you want to go for a beer. I had been going with my ex for 7 years and forgiven him for a number of episodes where he cheated, then found out its been more or less the whole 7 years. I feel quite ugly after I had a motorbike smash some years ago and lost one of my front teeth which I never had replaced (no money) and feel even if I can get over this relationship I am getting too old to be attractive and I will just be on my own forever because I have nothing to offer anyone. Just to add to the mix, I have tourettes (not the swearing! Just a tick where I hum) but dating anyone new you have to go through the whole get to know you thing and I just dont feel I have any confidence any more. Anyway, I guess right now I feel I can't offer anyone anything, I am not close to anyone and the only person who was my life is leaving, in my life I just cant see any point any more, since mum died life has been such a struggle and feel like this is now the last straw that there is no happiness for me and if I could stop the pain I feel right now than the world would be a hapier place without me. Dont get me wrong, I'm not standing on the edge of a building or anything like that, in fact I am not emotional or anything like that, It's like a realisation that I am in facvt surplus to requiments if that makes sense. I know you guys are going to say go and see a doctor but even if I didn't feel suicidal, my life wouldn't improve so I cant see the point, my only question to you guys is has any of you felt the same way? and how did you manage to move on after a breakup? Did you find your happy ever after? Thanks for listening to my rambles guys and really sorry my first post wasn't too jolly. Take care Chris
Hey dude, welcome to EC! I'm sorry you're having a hard time, it sounds rather exhausting. I know I'm significantly younger than you and I haven't had the same experiences, but four years ago I was suicidal and ended up giving in and going to see a psychologist. I know, I know -- it's the "see a doctor" response you were dreading -- but it really helped me out. I started medication and I saw my doctor regularly, and I started feeling more...alive. I don't really know how to explain it, but I felt kind of free. I suddenly had the energy to do things like make friends and hang out with the ones I already had. So I'd definitely suggest you see a psychologist. Sorry if that wasn't the response you were hoping for. But welcome to EC, there are tons of cool people here and it helped me figure a lot of stuff out.(*hug*)
Hi Chris, and welcome to EC. I'm sorry that you're having such a rough time of it lately. Being cheated on isn't fun at all, but splitting up rather than subjecting yourself to that any more is likely the right thing for you to do. It just doesn't feel good at the moment. It wouldn't for anyone. But things do get better. I was in a place similar to you are about 4.5 years ago. My marriage was ending, I had to sell my house, I was struggling with addiction, and coming to the realization that I was gay. I really didn't see the point in going on either. Thankfully I was already seeing a therapist, and I went to see him. He actually came with me to the hospital to have me see a crisis counsellor. I also followed up with my GP (family doctor) and told him how down I was feeling, and he prescribed some antidepressants that did a WORLD of good for me. It was like a fog had been lifted, and suddenly I could see the world for what it really was. It wasn't an entirely gloomy place with no future. The medication really helped. And life got better. I came to terms with what was going on in my life. I got into recovery for my addiction. I eventually met someone and fell in love. I have a great relationship with my ex and my kids, and my boyfriend does too. Life isn't perfect, but it's infinitely better than I thought it would be 4.5 years ago. You just need to hold onto a bit of hope for yourself as well.
