Hi all. I'm new to this site and really need help. I'm just so confused!!! I'm starting to think I'm gay, but I'm really unsure. It all started when we were watching a video in Sex Ed about sexuality. It was quite powerful, and got me thinking - could I be gay? I've been feeling like this for about 4 months now, but I keep to-ing and fro-ing. Some days I'm fine to let it just mull over, others I want to burst into tears because I feel so lonely. Sometimes I get angry for being such a sextard, and a dissappointment to my family. Others I tell myself it's just a phase, or a cry for help, that it couldn't really be true. But I always end up putting on a smiling face and pretending nothing is really happening. I want to blurt it out, for everyone to know me as I really am, bt I want to be sr first, I don't wan't to take that step and regret it. But this isn't your usual coming out story. More recently, I realised that I am a sexual sadist. While I would never shoot, mutilate or rape anyone, I still hate myself for it. I'm an aspiring Human Rights lawyer, for god's sake! In reality, I'm a gentle, rational person. It's so unlike me! I want love to be based on a mutual respect and passion, not dirty pain. And it's not making the sexuality picture any clearer, either. Boy, do i need help. I hope you've all got something to say! I'm going to try to sneak off to see the Young People's Health Worker next week, to find out about help with this, and open up to someone. In the meantime, post away, and here's a trailer for that video: [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbGHICpSmkc[/YOUTUBE]
HI, welcome to EC. I'm going through a similar situation. I'm also confused and conflicted about my sexuality and other things. I wish I could help but I can't. All I can say is that the people on this website are awesome and they have lots of experiance and advice. Interesting video btw. As for the "sexual sadist" thing as long as you don't harm anyone I think you'll be OK. Good luck with the Health Worker.
Not everyone knows right away what their sexual orientation is; your struggle isn't uncommon, I had it myself, as it happens. Ultimately, these things do tend to resolve themselves, but that can take a long time, and often thinking about it doesn't help as much as it feels like it should. As for the sadist part, there is a large community of people who consensually engage in domination/submission play. It is possible to get that kink worked out consensually with someone who enjoys being on the receiving end.
First of, welcome to EC! Like you have seen already, you are definitely not alone with being confused. The first time you start questioning everything can be a tad overwhelming, but hang in there that it gets much clearer as time goes on. Specially since you are seeking help Just know that it doesn't matter if you turn out gay or straight. It doesn't make you any less of a person and you aren't disappointing anyone. It doesn't change who you are and it of course doesn't define what you can or cannot accomplish in your life. As for you sadism, its important to know that its safe as long as its part of role playing and not actually hurting or raping anyone. There is actually a whole community out there, both straight and gay, that are into S/M and it doesn't make you a horrible person either.
Hi there! Welcome to EC! I think one thing that could help you is not to label yourself at this stage. Rather than using labels to understand your sexuality, just go with what feels right for you without putting a name to it. Asking questions and trying to seek answers about your feelings and leanings can be a hard process because it requires you to look inside of you and understand yourself. Try to figure your feelings our for yourself first and gauge how comfortable you are with yourself, before coming out. As you go trough the process of figuring it all out, your emotions and thoughts will fluctuate. (*hug*) Take it slow. Maybe give some thought to as to whether seeing a counselor could help you in figuring things out.
Thanks for the advice guys :icon_bigg. I have decided: I am Gay(!) I am a sadist:bang: I am definitely going to get help with the sadism because it's SO not me!:help: Thanks again for all your support. :smilewave
k so 1 welcom to ec:icon_bigg and 2 i felt the same whey whith my fharst hint like u i pretindid that nuthing was rong but most of the time wontid to cherl up and criy to myself but ii was ashamd do to what hapind to me in midal school i did not wont to be gay so i suprest it that cost me to becum prity diprest so my fharst bit of idvies is dont be ashamd of what u r do some surching of picks and ask Q. to all of us that is what i did and it helpt me. o and 1 more thing i am dislecsic so i tot i was alredy a frek so i felt whars that i mit like men and not chicks so ya...so like i sead do sum pik surching of men and chicks and ask Q. to us k.
As Seen On: Empty Closets! Amaaazing ---------- Post added 17th Jun 2011 at 09:24 PM ---------- I wish we had this in school, all we had was a sex tape! :lol:
