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What do you think?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BlueFoxfireS8, Jun 12, 2011.

  1. BlueFoxfireS8

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    Heya. I'm sorta new here. Well, not "new" new, I've looked around but only joined now. So there. :icon_bigg

    Anyway, the thing is I've always known that I've has a stronger preference for guys. I mean, I could also look at girls and think they're really attractive but I never seem to see any point in that. I've always felt like girls are just meant to be friends or sisters to me. If I were to look at pictures of both, my mind would literally be like static when I'm looking at the girl, not that it actually sounds like it in my mind. I just mean that I'd be looking and thinking but nothing would be in my mind at all. But looking at the guy, I'd end up being so absorbed and just studying his whole face, trying so hard to take in every detail.

    Now, I identify as bi because despite what I've said, I have had some thought about being with a girl and although in hindsight it was mostly because I want my life to be like the movies, I know I can give her the same attention I would throw at a guy.

    I've told my mom and she was fairly cool with it, no change whatsoever if any at all in how she treated me and days later I told my sister. She was absolutely shocked, she actually told me that I had better be kidding. She grew up thinking I was straight and she didn't want to lose that, I get it. Some time after that, I told my brother, who is homophobic. He didn't mind too much because it wasn't the worst thing to him he said.

    This is already long, please bear with me. :icon_sad: Anyway, I've sorta been asking him to drive me to an LGBT rights group near where we live and he goes all "If I do it, it's like encouraging you to do something bad.". Seriously, what the hell? After that everything went crazy because apparently it makes them uncomfortable and "maybe I'm just not sure.". I'm definitely sure about what I am and I just want to know if to everyone else here, I really am right.

    Thanks for your time and I'm so sorry for the long read.
     
  2. Fiddledeedee

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    Welcome to EC!

    How long ago did you tell your family? It might have taken you a long time to accept you were bi and not hope it was just a phase, and they may well also need time to fully understand that you are serious and it isn't just some fad. In the meantime, they might think you are unsure if you remain largely closeted to the outside world, as this could be interpreted as not willing to come out irreversibly (i.e. you don't want to have to later go back on what you said about being bi). The best way to get to the rights group at the moment is probably by public transport or going with another member, if either of those are possible. I'm not sure what you could do to help counter your brother's attitudes; try to find out why he thinks what he does (stereotypes, religion, peers, etc.) and educate him about bi/homosexuals. If you can, it might be an idea to see if he would be willing to come to one of the meetings so he can see that we are normal people who are not trying to take over the world, fun as that may be. Work on your relationship with him in general, too; he sounds like he thinks he is "protecting" you, so show him you are your own person and that you still want to be his brother, if that makes sense. I don't know.

    Good luck!
     
  3. Filip

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    First of all: hi, and welcome to EC! :smilewave If you've hung around, you might already know some faces of the regulars. But it's nice to get to know you too!

    Honestly, I don't think any self-doubt is warranted here. You know who you are, you know who you're attracted to, and it's they who will ultimately have to learn to accept it.

    That takes some time for everyone, though. You don't say how old you are or how long ago you came out, but they might just still be in that phase of "let's just ignore it and he'll meet a girl soon that makes him forget about this silly idea". Or even "he's too young. If I just keep opposing it, he'll grow out of it". And if you're the only GLBT person they know, they will take some time to reconcile the stereotype in their head with the idea of you not being straight.

    For now, I guess your best option is to just remain calm and keep explaining that if they can be sure of their sexuality without doubt, so can you be about yours. That you're just going to be the same brother you always were, only that they now know a bit more about you. And that you're willing to give them time to get over their discomfort, but that you're not going to change.

    If they are obviously uncomfortable you might be able to ask your mom (who seems to be the coolest with it) to drive you instead, though?
     
  4. BlueFoxfireS8

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    Thanks for the replies/advice. :grin:

    Only they know so far. I did it in the span of these past 2 weeks. I'm not so much concerned who knows anyway, I just thought they should know.

    About my brother, he's really "clingy" to religion(hope that doesn't sound offensive to anyone). I say that 'cause he just mostly hangs to it but doesn't really seem to listen to it.

    My family knows a lot of LGBT people. I don't even think my sister has a straight male friend.

    No worries about the rights group thing. I mean, I still want to go but I have some other things at the moment.

    Thanks again. :lol:

    Right, about how long I've known. Always, never felt bad about it either, if anything, proud. :roflmao:
     
  5. Ecap1

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    You just basically described my sexuality right there bud. Minus the telling the family part. First of all, dude you are AWESOME for having no problems with telling your family. You basically did in 2 weeks what most of us dread doing our whole lives. I need whatever balls you have man (...it sounded funny in my head.)

    Well the most important part is accepting yourself, and from what I see you've already done that so you've got a huge obstacle out of the way. Of course your family is completely new to this so it may take them a little longer to understand it. I guess the best way would be to just stay the same and show them, especially your brother, that you're not doing anything "bad" and the "straight" you from last month is the same as "bi" you today.

    Sorry I'm not that much of a help, but dude, 2 weeks? You're in really good shape
     
  6. Robert

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    Walk there instead of trying to get your brother to drive you. He may take some time to accept you but it seems like he has already exceeded you expectations in how he would react to you telling him the news. He'll get there in the end.
     
  7. ballin1718

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    Your basically me. I'm bi buttttt basically I head up to guys a lot more. Your already doing well by telling your family (your far ahead of me lol)

    As for your brother, he'll come around. I'm sure you have a pretty good relationship with him so overall he'll come around he has to.

    Good luck with everything but your doing great mannn lifes goin up from heree
     
  8. BlueFoxfireS8

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    Thanks for all the awesome advice and compliments. :icon_redf

    I was laughing so hard in my head too. :lol:
    But yeah, I haven't changed at all in behavior. Except, you know, being rather open about it. :slight_smile:

    Yeah, I think I'll just get there some other way. He's not too open to things he doesn't like so I'll just take this as the best possible outcome for now. :thumbsup:

    I look at guys much more too. It just feels better for me, you know? :grin:
    Thanks for that, you too. (!)