Ok, so I’m sort of surprised at myself for doing this but I needed to talk to someone or even just write this down. Thanks for your time anyway, and I apologise if this turns out the same as others on here- I’ve read loads but none seem to ask quite what I want to. So at the moment I’m leaning towards the fact that I might be either bisexual or pansexual. I’m not too interested in labels but it helps to work things in my head. I think that I started questioning myself about two years ago when I was twelve. This is going to sound really weird since I was so young, but it was caused by discovering the ‘adult’ channels on Sky TV. I used to sneak glances at them when my parents were busy, but put it down to curiosity. At the time I did wonder if I could like girls, but I didn’t know much about LGBT in general so thought that you had to like exclusively one gender. After a bit of googling I forgot about it and only occasionally found myself wondering. More recently I got my first boyfriend. It was very short lived and incredibly awkward. It didn’t feel right kissing him and I just found the whole thing strange. This could be because he was my first attempt at that kind of thing, but I don’t know. I’m definitely attracted emotionally and physically to guys but I also think I’m starting to look at girls as well. I also had a ‘crush’ on my best friend for a while- girl- but I don’t know if it was infatuation. I’ve also had loads of boy crushes as well, but not more recently. So am I just confused and intrigued by this other side of myself, or am I actually right in thinking that I’m bi? Also, I’ve nearly told my best friend like five times that I’m questioning/ maybe bi but have chickened out by using the excuse that I should be sure before I bring it up. Okay, so that’s my messed up brain, sorry it was long and I really do appreciate any help.
Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets! Never worry about if something has already been asked by someone. Whenever you have a questions or just want to get stuff of your chest, go for it! I think one thing that could help you in figuring your feelings out, is perhaps not to label yourself at this stage. Attaching labels to your feelings at this stage could lead you to miss clues or other feelings because subconsciously you could try to fit into one particular label. For now, maybe try exploring all of your feelings with an open mind, not worrying about what these feelings could mean. You have already mentioned a few clues that are good starting points, from which to explore your feelings further. Try to gauge as to what feels right for you. If you find that a feeling you experience when you are with guys and/or girls feels right for you, take note of it. Similarly, if something doesn't feel right, take a step back and think a little bit about it. As you explore your feelings and try to take note of the different emotional and physical attractions you are experiencing, the clearer things will become to you. I wouldn't worry about coming out at this stage. Try to figure things out for yourself first and are comfortable with your feelings. The attempt of coming out to a friend or someone else, can add additional stresses that could perhaps make it harder on you. Hope this helps a bit!
Hello, DefineNormal! Don't stress about this thread being similar to others; every person is unique and needs different help, plus it takes ages to trawl through all the old ones! Have you heard of the Kinsey scale? Remember that sexuality is a sliding scale, not just "straight-bi-gay". It can also feel like you are, say, 2 one day and 5 the next. You might feel like a 1 romantically and a 4 sexually; this is just how you are and isn't wrong. Labels are not important anyway – be who you are, and remember that they merely help you explain your sexuality to others. At this point, perhaps just research the labels and ways to customise them; you could be, for all I know, a moderately genderfluid pansexual Kinsey 1.42 biromantic with asexual tendancies! There is a thread on the difference between bi and pansexuality here. I have no idea how to explain it in a nutshell! As Mirko said, don't worry about coming out to people yet. If you really want to, it might be best to find someone who you trust and can help and support you in your questioning. Don't tell people before you feel ready, and know that you have no oblighation to tell them. I have told people because I love them and want them to know more of me, not because I feel they ought to know. There is nothing wrong with rambling posts here! One of the best things to do can just be to put down everything you are thinking so you can sort through it and focus on it. You might want to wait on boy/girlfriends until you are more sure of your orientation, as it could make it hard for you to accurately think about how you feel about one gender if you are going out with another. Whoever you date, though, make sure you are comfortable around them and feel secure. Best wishes!
Thanks! You've both been really helpful. I agree with the not labeling myself thing, it's so much easier. I had heard of the Kinsey Scale, but I'm having trouble judging myself so can't really do it. Still not sure, but I don't mind so much as I've decided just to let things happen and go with it. Ironically, my best friend seems to be hinting that she's questioning too and I'm pretty sure that she must know I am by now. I'm not going to say anything though incase I'm wrong, won't be making that mistake... Yeah, so things are good and you're awesome for giving me those responses. Made me feel considerably better
Hey I know I wasnt a part of the original discussion but I will say that before I figure myself out and came out I was always really worried to come out because I thought it would be totally horrific if I was wrong, but then I got to the point where I realised it doesnt matter if im wrong, not with my friends, if I tell them im gay or questioning and then fall in love with a guy they wont care, they will just support me and continue to be my friend.
I know that I only reposted on this a few days ago but oh well. I'm the mood for writing things down Yeah, I am sort of on the edge about telling them. I know they'd be fine with it, but I don't know. Me and my best friend have like a mess about relationship, like not anything touchy, just jokily sending x's in texts and innuendos. And when we have sleepovers she's always jokes about 'sleeping together'- not literally. So I don't want her to get freaked out that I might have feelings for her. I've also not helped myself in that department as I used to see her that way, but I've moved on to better things... My other friend has already had someone else come out to her as bi, so I know she'd be completely fine. She's cool with everything. I know this is a lot different from what I said last time, but I've been thinking loads. It's just little things that I've noticed about myself recently e.g. today we were talking about who I would end up marrying and my friend said 'He would have to be really odd' The first thing that popped into my mind was 'he or she' I think I know that I'm bisexual really. Surely I wouldn't think about this so much if I was completely straight. And I'm actually not bothered by that at all. I thought that I would be, but to be honest I'm quite excited. Looking forward to being able to explore this further. Thank You all again for your help
I think that you should come out to your best friend but dont mention that you think she might be questioning too. I came out to my best friend while I was still questioning and she really helped me and was a good person to bounce ideas of off. P.S I like your username haha.
Agreed. I've been tuning up the hinting and not denying it when she jokily calls me gay (or making 'only half' comments), but I know I'm going to have to say it. Hopefully there won't be too much supprise. Was planning to tell her to day, set myself up on the topic and everything, only to have my other three friends come over and divert the conversation :/ Needless to say I was fairly pissed. Not at school tomorrow either so Friday will be my next oppertunity. *sigh* why can't things ever just fall into place?
There will never be a perfect time to come out. I've done it so that I set up a conversation about how my school would react to a lesbian couple or something, and then I've waited for a time when I can tell a friend individually. For that I have just said it when there was a pause in the conversation, regardless of what we were talking about. Good luck.
