So I'm a 21yo gay male and I came out to my mom, younger brother, and several other family members and friends almost a year ago, but I've kept it a secret from my dad and his side of the family (mom & dad have been divorced almost my entire life). I've been in college for 3 going on 4 years, and I am staying in my college town, several hours away from my hometown where my parents are, for the first time over the whole summer when there's no school instead of coming home. My dad is suspicious about how I am paying for things on my own (as he should be, since my 33yo boyfriend is renting a room with me in someone's house) and he has apparently had enough of my run-around answers about my new residence - and so I come to my situation: Today he emailed me and told me that he wants to video-chat with me so that he can see my new room. I can't do this because there is only one bed but two desks and two computers, etc. It will be very clear that something is strange. This is further complicated by the fact that my boyfriend and I are going up to my hometown in a week or so to visit my mom's side of the family without informing my dad. *****I feel as though if A) I refuse to video-chat with him, B) I go home without telling him and he finds out, or C) I come out to him, we are going to end up on bad terms (at least temporarily). So: *****Given my situation, should I come out to my dad via email or phone call? Somehow it doesn't feel right just to tell him "because I am tired of it," but he leaves me little choice, and I don't want my trip home to be ruined by me having to come out in person. Preferably by email, as I'm sure that the phone call would become one-sided and heated in his "favor." I suppose what I am asking is: ideas/pros/cons about the situation, as I am quite stressed about it, especially concerning the dynamics of coming out by email (or not). Thanks for bearing with me - this is my first post!
I would suggest that if you feel the phone call wouldn't give you a chance to present your side, you try e-mail or a letter. He might not read the whole thing, but at least it would give you a chance to get your side out and let him know from your point of view what is going on.
I think an email would work well for you. You'd get to put all your thoughts in the order you want them, and you also would be communicating truthfully to your Dad, which is what he's wanting to do (it sounds like). If you choose to do this, you'd need to stay in contact with him, so that you and he can discuss this part of you he doesn't know about. I wouldn't advise a video chat until you're sure he's more comfortable with the whole thing. Hopefully he takes it better than you think he will, but if not there's not too much he can legally do about it, which is a good thing.
