Hi all, Sending a message out into the ether to see if I could connect with anyone with any advice, suggestions, or even kind and like-minded souls. I'm recently 36, one foot out of the closet, one foot in, presently bisexual, and just off the heels of my first gay relationship. And I'm really hurting. Because the experience itself has caused me to reevaluate everything. It took me about 14 years before I met anyone that I even remotely clicked with like this to pursue a relationship and, for now, it's on hold. Left unfinished. A big question mark. Part of me feels like a door's been opened; part of me feels like prior experience tells me I won't find something like this again, that it just won't happen again. Part of me feels like even bothering trying at this stage in my life is too late. Is there anyone else who's found themselves in this situation, re-evaluating your sexuality, your possibilites at this stage in life? I feel so very lost. Input, feedback, advice, warmly welcomed. Thanks.
I'm 36. I've only recently come to acknowledge and accept my orientation. I've had to deal with the end of my marriage, the sale of our home, overcoming an addiction, as well as accepting the fact that I'm gay. Believe me, I thought at one point there was really no point in going on... I didn't expect to find anyone that understood me or would be interested in me. And then it happened! I met someone - another married dad coming to terms with his orientation. I encouraged him to see a therapist and get help, supported him through his coming out, gave him guidance and advice. And over time, we came to realize that we were developing really strong feelings for one another! He and his wife will separate shortly and we'll be free to figure out where all this is going to lead. I've never felt better in my life. I'm really and truly in love with someone - and it feels great! I'm not saying this to get you down. I'm saying this because if it can happen to me, I'd say it can happen to anyone! And I certainly have found that it is when you STOP looking for it that it actually will find you! Good luck! And Welcome to EC!
Hi Mikeinla, and welcome to EC:welcome: I found the closet door at 56, just 19 months ago. Since then I’ve met 3 great guys and it’s been an exciting rollercoaster ride. Yeah, I’ve had to reevaluate a whole bunch of things. The biggest question I had to ask myself was “What kind of relationship do I really want?” I don’t have the answer yet but I’m working on it. The first guy I fell for was in a 15-year relationship with his partner. It hurt that he was interested but not really available. The second guy I’m still seeing but he keeps going back to his old, abusive boyfriend. That hurt too because I was really falling for him. Guy number 3 is like, bingo :eusa_danc , even though there is a non-trivial age difference (he’s 23). Trust me, life is not over at 36. The main thing is that you’re beginning to find yourself. That takes time and can be accompanied with some hurts and adjustments. I can echo Jim’s comments that it feels so great to fall in love. At first I was concerned about the age difference but not anymore. I’m letting the emotions take the relationship wherever it leads. Don’t be disappointed that your first gay relationship has not worked out (yet). There will be more. The returns are well worth the effort (*hug*) .
I think it's natural to have doubts especially when you've debated your feelings your whole life. So hopefully you can take a step back from your relationship and not let its decline define any gay relationship. Like the posters above, they can be very different from each other, you owe it to yourself to explore further.
